People often associate pictures relating to suicide of people with their head in the hands or just looking sad. But the image of Steffan Rees smiling with his baby niece doesn't show this at all.
His sister Sian described Steffan as the "life and soul of the party" and someone who "lit up the room". This is what made his suicide so shocking and why she is now so passionate about helping others, WalesOnline reports.
"I couldn't have asked for a better brother," says Sian. "He was only 26, had a loving family, a beautiful girlfriend, and didn't say anything about having any mental health issues."
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Together with widows Lisa and Ana, who have also been bereaved through suicide, they have set up a support group for people in west Wales, and this week they have taken part in a UK awareness campaign. New research from suicide prevention charity Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) has found that 61 per cent of people would struggle to tell if someone they knew felt suicidal.
The charity wants to raise awareness that the ‘face of suicide’ isn’t always crying and being recluse – a person might seem happy on the outside, and to illustrate this, the charity has unveiled an exhibition on London’s Southbank called The Last Photo. The outdoor gallery displays 50 smiling photos taken in the last days of people who died by suicide. It also shares the stories of shock and grief their families and friends experienced. Steffan was included in the moving exhibition.
LISS - Living in Suicide Shadow - is another support group that took part in the exhibition. Peter Hammett's wife Lisa and Lee's wife Ana set up the group because of what they felt was a lack of support in west Wales for those bereaved by suicide.
Ana says: "We are a peer-to-peer support group that aims to break the 'isolation' that we often find ourselves in by organising face to face and virtual meet ups, walks, family activities with people that understand the pain of suicide."
Tragically, the latest figures show that 125 people die by suicide every week in the UK – but it can be hard to spot the signs something isn’t okay, and the three travelled to London this week to share their experiences and to raise awareness about the support they are offering.
Just months after Ana's husband died of suicide another CALM's project called 84, which represented the number of people who died every week in the UK in 2018, was launched.
Ana, whose children were nine and six when her husband died, says: "The 84 project floored me. It had such a powerful message; I couldn't believe 84 men took their lives every week… so many families, friends, and communities heartbroken. Suddenly, my husband's individual act was not so individual anymore. If the suicide average was constant, how can we blame such rates of suicide on one individual's reckless decision? It felt much more like a social issue, and if it was the case, then we could do something about it."
Talking about this campaign, she says: "As most bereaved by suicide will say, someone, smiling and joking, being cheeky or very polite, doesn't mean they are not suicidal. Unfortunately, it has been very hard to make employers, service providers, mental health services, and the public understand this.
"I will never forget those beautiful smiles of those beautiful people… beautiful children, beautiful women, handsome men, different ages, different genders, different social classes, different ethnicities, proof that suicide can happen to anyone. The shadows of the leaves moving with the wind and the sun created movement in the photos. I kept looking and hoping that they would start moving.
"And even though it was so comforting to see a life-size picture, I found it so hard to leave the exhibition; I wanted to bring him home with me, we miss Lee so much!"
The picture of Lee. who was 41 when he died, was taken in Castell Henllys, Pembrokeshire, on a "wonderful" day out with friends.
"There were Roman attacks, and Celtic victories, plenty of laughter and at one point Lee had all the kids shoeless crossing the stream in the cold April. Never in a million years would any of us believe that he would be gone less than a couple of months later," she reminisces. "Our children were only six and nine when he died. He loved them to bits and was always with them. They would say 'but daddy was always happy with he was with me'."
It was not long after Lee's death that Ana met Lisa, through Dr Dai Lloyd, an MS who has been heavily involved in suicide prevention campaigns.
"Things have moved on a lot in recent years, but there is a lot of stigma around suicide," says Ana. "People would say things like he is your husband, you live with him, how did you not see it, some people blame you for it, others don't know what to say.
"It is said that we lose around 70% of our circle of family and friends as it is difficult for people to understand and support our grief. I met Lisa through an online group for those bereaved by suicide and joined her in a meeting with Dr Dai Lloyd to talk about suicide prevention. Still, he told us that it was essential for us, as one of the groups at higher risk of suicide, to support each other and suggested we start a support group - there is a 65% greater chance to die of suicide if you have been bereaved by suicide than any other bereavement.
"Being able to talk with other people who have been through what you have been through is so important, one of the many reasons why we set up the group. We wanted something that didn't have too many rules, but gave people who are grieving a voice."
They have been on several training courses and organise monthly walks in west Wales where people can join, talk to each other and give support.
The group has helped the three form a close bond. Lisa said she was very nervous about travelling to London to see the exhibition, but got through it with the support of Ana and Sian.
"We have been on a journey together the last couple of years and it seemed fitting that we should all be taking part in The Last Photo campaign and supporting each other," she said. "The exhibition was held on the Southbank somewhere I'd previously visited with my family including Peter with such happy memories.
"To see the exhibition was overwhelming: a sea of beautiful faces both young and old, male and female, under the leafy canopy of trees along the Southbank. Hard to believe all these happy smiley people had died by suicide.
"My immediate reaction when I saw the life size photo of Peter was to cry. I placed my hand upon his face in disbelief remembering this photo I had taken on our 33rd wedding anniversary just three months before he died. To see Ana's and Sian's loved ones also was heart wrenching, as although I'd never met them I felt I knew them, having been brought alive through the stories they have told me.
"Peter's death was such a shock to so many. For friends, family and colleagues he was always jovial. He had issues, but he hid them so well. The year 2018 had started out so well, but those issues got the better of him. When he died, I didn't think I was going to be able to live. It wasn't even taking each day at a time, it was taking each moment at a time. I am not the person I was before it happened, but what helps is trying to help others.
"In London. it was interesting to hear what people walking past were saying about the photos, some thought it was to do with Covid, or they were missing people and even an advertisement for iPhones. Not one of them guessed suicide.
"When Peter died I was determined to make a stand against the stigma associated with suicide and for his death not to be in vein I'm so proud we all took part in CALMs The Last Photo campaign. We hope all our stories make a difference and ultimately save lives."
For confidential support the Samaritans can be contacted for free around the clock 365 days a year on 116 123.
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