To the general showbiz warning about never acting with animals, Jeffrey Holland has a specific footnote to add about equine erections. While filming Hi-de-Hi!, the 1980s BBC sitcom set in a holiday camp, Holland one day found himself playing the front half of a pantomime horse, with co-star Su Pollard in the rear. The visual gag was that the rag nag ends up riding a real one. “So the horse had to be in the scene,” recalls Holland. “But it took rather an interest in the pantomime one and started sniffing around its hindquarters. Su said words to the effect of, ‘Oh, eck!’ and asked for help. But I’m afraid all I could say was, ‘You’d better brace yourself, Su. I’m going to eat some grass!’”
A horseman on set diverted the randy stallion, but the incident triggered a flashback for Holland. A panto he once appeared in included a Coventry production with real horses. One would become aroused as soon as it walked on stage, forcing the director to place an actor with a large flag between it and the audience. “Apparently, it was responding to a perfume an actress was wearing,” Holland recalls – and being careful with scent around mounts is one of the many useful tips for younger performers contained in Holland’s new memoir, The First Rule of Comedy ..!
