There’s no trophy for ‘winning’ the transfer window, so why the endless hype?

‘I vividly remember hearing out of the blue on the radio that Spurs had signed Jürgen Klinsmann while I was playing Championship Manager on the Amiga in my bedroom. No rumours, no live medicals, no reporters forced to spend all day at Finch Farm.’ Illustration: David Humphries

Have you ever wondered how long Richarlison’s legs are? It’s something I confess to spending very little time considering until this week, when Spurs tweeted out a five-minute video of the Brazilian’s first day at the club.

We begin with him walking into the training ground flanked by an entourage of three. He gets a half-hearted welcome from Ivan Perisic and we’re into the physio room for his medical. Is this his real medical or his show medical? A man checks his legs can bend at the knee and goes full shipping forecast, “45 internal, approaching 90 external”. It cuts away before he presumably continues: “Low, Hebrides 9 9 4, moving rapidly south-east.”