“I would cry and be upset and I just didn’t know why," reflected Chris Phillips from Carmarthen, on when he first realised something was not quite right with the way he was feeling. "Eventually I went to the doctors and they said I had depression, and I ended up having 12 counselling sessions."
Chris, from Carmarthen, is among the one in four people across Wales and England who now have mental health problems, most of whom don’t or can’t get the help they need.
A poll commissioned by the Royal College of Physicians in 2022 found that 60 per cent of people in Wales felt their health had been negatively affected by the ongoing cost-of-living crisis. For men, the issue of depression, anxiety and other problems associated with mental health seems to be particularly prevalent. You can get the latest WalesOnline newsletters e-mailed to you directly for free by signing up here.
For some, their feelings become overwhelming. According to the Samaritans, the overall suicide rate in Wales was 12.7 per 100,000 people in 2021, up from 12.2 in 2020. However, the male suicide rate in 2021 was 19.7 per 100,000 people, compared with 5.9 for women. The Office for National Statistics confirmed that, in 2021, “around three-quarters of suicides were males”, something which is “consistent with long-term trends”.
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Dad-of-three Chris Phillips, aged 39 has struggled with his mental health for many years, but for a long time there was always a reason to suppress his feelings, to bury them away. But now, he has decided that by trying to help others, he too can benefit from the notion of opening up and talking. He has set up a support group so others in the same situation can have a safe space to talk, meet up and help each other.
“I my adult life I started to struggle a lot and I couldn’t really understand what was behind it, I was just not feeling myself,” said Chris. After seeking help, he was offered counselling. "It was nerve-wracking but the more I went the more I opened up. I started to think that it all stemmed back to my childhood, and I started to resent my childhood.
"I started to think about my grandfather, who was my hero when I was a kid, who passed away when I was 10. I’ve learnt that a struggle with mental health comes from trauma, and a lot of my trauma comes from childhood, but since then I have lost friends and people I know in different circumstances, like suicide or accidents.”
Chris explained that, as seen in many people with mental health problems, the battles come and go. People can appear fine, content, happy even, when they are not. And it’s that fact which is ultimately driving him to set up the support group for men in Carmarthen and further afield - so that men can be themselves, around other men, and admit that there is something wrong. To admit that it is OK not to be OK.
“I have never contemplated suicide since having children,” said Chris, candidly. “They come first, so I have always battled through for these last 12 years or so and been on different medication at different times. But there are days when I can’t get out of bed. My head just feels like it weighs 500 stone - that’s the only way I can explain it. I’ve always tried to educate myself on mental health so that I can understand it better, and I’ve always tried to help other people when I can. But when someone is in that ‘mental health zone’, it’s hard for them to do what they need to do.”
The group he's set up is called Carmarthen Men’s Minds Matter (CMMM), which is having its first meeting this week in the centre of town. It will be a non-judgemental and totally welcoming place for any man who wants to meet other people who might be in a similar situation.
Chris will share his own story and invite others to do the same, or, if they prefer, they can just sit and listen. Chris admitted that while the group had received a hugely positive response online - it has more than 120 members just over a week after it was launched - he is not sure how many men will turn up. But, he insists, it doesn’t matter.
“If five people turn up or 100 people turn up, I’m going to keep turning up, I’m going to keep having these meetings,” he said. “The hope is to have a monthly meeting and a monthly activity, be it going for a walk, meeting up at the bowling alley, going for a swim at the beach, whatever people want to do. So many people have told me that Carmarthen needs this kind of thing and that so many people need help and need support, so last week I just decided to go for it and set it up. I’ve had women asking if they can join as well but I don’t have any experience of women’s mental health.
“As for the meetings we have, they will just be somewhere for people to talk and open up as much or as little as they want to. Long-term, I would love to have a mental health support cafe in Carmarthen - that’s the aim I think, to have somewhere permanently where people can come and just feel better about themselves. I would like at some point to register as a charity but we will see how things go - it’s baby steps at the moment. But it’s great to see the response that the idea has had.
"I met with my doctor yesterday and I mentioned the group to her. She thought it was a great idea and said she would mention it to others who might be struggling. It’s about making that first step. It’s a private group and I think that’s important, because people can really be themselves. People can share stories and support each other. Some mornings I will share a message in the group if I’m struggling, and it’s nice for people to have that community around them. Anyone can join the group by requesting to do so on Facebook."
As well as more than 100 local men who have already joined the Facebook group, local businesses have also offered support by providing places to meet, covering the cost of activities or meeting rooms, teas and coffees and other costs that come with setting up a support group. The weight of support behind the plan is evidence that many people agree with Chris’s assessment that there is a call for a group like this and that it will be used regularly by those who need it.
“Life is not getting any easier for most people at the moment, it’s getting harder,” said Chris. “I just want somewhere where people can come together and maybe forget about their worries. Mental health is a massive and ongoing issue. It’s not just depression, it can be related to addiction, it can be tied to financial troubles, it can be down to grief or loss - there’s a wide range of things that fall under the bigger picture of mental health. If the group helps one man then it’s more than served its purpose. I set the group up but it will belong to everyone who’s joined and everyone who comes along to the meetings. It will be our group.”
CMMM will have its first meeting at Carmarthen Quins Club on Wednesday (January 11) evening at 6.30pm. All are welcome.
Simon Jones, head of policy at Mind Cymru, a charity which offers support and information for those struggling with their mental health, said: "This time of year can be particularly difficult for people who are already struggling with their mental health. The cold weather, and shorter days, can have an impact on people’s mental health.
"This year, worries about finances are also a particularly relevant concern for many of us. And we know that men can find it hard to speak out about how they’re feeling. There are complex reasons why men may not seek support, some we understand and some we don’t; feeling under pressure to ‘get on with things’, believing that they can cope without help or feeling scared to speak out because of what others might think.
"Many men feel like support services aren’t for them, or that seeking help might be seen as a sign of weakness. They may also just be unaware of how they can access help. It can be intimidating, but by sharing experiences and speaking out about mental health we can challenge stigma and help others to feel less alone.
"It’s important to seek help as soon as possible if you feel like the symptoms are interfering with your ability to do the things you normally would for more than a couple of weeks. If you notice changes to your thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are affecting your daily life, last longer than two weeks, or keep returning – talk to someone you trust, like to a GP or someone close to you. This is where finding support groups locally can really help connect you to local people who have had similar experiences. You can also call Mind’s Infoline or visit mind.org.uk.”
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