Have you heard of the Yellow Bittern? The new restaurant is already something of a talking point. The yellow-walled, British-Irish bistro only seats 18 diners, is only open for lunch on weekdays, only takes cash (because Corcoran say’s he takes “more pleasure” when paying for something in cash) and tables can only be booked over the telephone or by postcard.
But less than 10 days after the restaurant first opened its doors, Corcoran took to social media to complain about his customers — or, to put it plainly, the very people on which his business depends. It’s hard to read the diatribe as anything but a giant middle finger to rather a lot of London. According to Corcoran, they aren't spending nearly enough money at his restaurant and not adhering to his unwritten constitution about what lunch really is. Bloody cheapskates.
“It is now apparently completely normal to book a table for 4 people say and then order one starter and two mains to share and a glass of tap water,” Corcoran wrote.
“There was at one point an etiquette in restaurants” he added, “that if you booked a table in a nice place you at the very least had to order a main course (and possibly even a starter or dessert) and drink wine in order [for] your table to be worth serving.”
Worth serving? This could be London's first restaurant where the customers are required to justify their own lunch. What Corcoran is really saying here is that anyone on a budget, who isn’t desperately hungry or who doesn't drink, isn’t welcome. Especially as the wine Corcoran chooses tends not to be cheap — his suggestions most often hover around the £60-£100 mark. Perhaps stinging customers this way was part of the business plan all along.
“When you come to a restaurant, it is expected that you are there to eat and drink with some sort of abandon,” the chef said. “So at the very least, order correctly, drink some wine, and justify your presence in the room that afternoon. If you do not drink because you have done so to such excess that it cannot be permitted any longer, then come hungry and eat your fair share.”
Social media was divided to say the least — “Hahaha this is so f****** tone deaf. How many people have the luxury of going out for a boozy lunch midweek?” read one comment — but this weekend, the chef doubled down in a Guardian article, adding: “If you’re not hungry, don’t go.”
Who’s to blame? Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it? It’s the diners who are sharing a main course. How dare anyone not want three courses and a bottle of wine each, at lunchtime on a Monday? Or dare to enjoy a meal, for which they are paying, on their own terms?
Has Corcoran perhaps considered that the world doesn’t owe him a living?
We seem to have been given an 18-seat piece of performance art within which diners are unsuspecting subjects of a dining diktat delivered with all the fiscal charm of Ebenezer Scrooge
On his Instagram post, Corcoran reminded readers of the lengths he goes to, and to “reserve the table for 2 hours for someone to order a meal which ends up costing £25 a head. It’s not worth us opening”. But if that’s the case, it seems this furore over pricing is as bizarre as it is untrue.
Based on current rates at the Yellow Bittern, if a table of two ate one starter each (£6/7) and shared the large pie as a main course (£40, and designed for sharing) the bill would come to a very reasonable £26 or £27 a head, with no service charge or tip (on its blackboard, the restaurant specifies this is not necessary). Must drink be had to enjoy the place?
Interestingly, when the Standard’s restaurant critic David Ellis visited, he needed to add to the bill the cheese they’d forgotten to charge him for. Is maths not a strong suit here?
The owners might not be happy about it, but without any kind of minimum order outlined, no minimum spend and no set menu, they need to face up to the fact that their guests are guests, and they have a choice.
They might also want to consider whether the basic premise of the place — somewhere only open on weekday lunchtimes, with nothing for the afterwork crowd or those on the weekend — is such a sturdy one, after all. Add into the mix that this is an 18-seat restaurant with a total of 11 menu items; it was never going to be a cash cow, especially where it is, on the Caledonian Road. It’s hardly got the Soho crowd wandering by. London seems to have been given an 18-seat piece of performance art within which diners are unsuspecting subjects of a dining diktat delivered with all the fiscal charm of Ebenezer Scrooge.
It feels like a dreamer with ideals about the vague concept of what lunch should be has been met with the stark reality of running a restaurant in London. The whole thing smacks of founders who are merely playing at the game of restaurants and not liking the fact it doesn’t seem to be going their way and are now throwing their toys out the pram. And, not that it really needs to be said, but the Yellow Bittern decided its own opening hours, decided to only have two two-hour lunch sittings and decided on the price for its menu. If these restrictions are too much of a problem for them, there’s nothing stopping them changing them.
Are these divisive, borderline insulting comments just designed to fill a few column inches? If so, it’s working. People are talking — but looking at Corcoran’s most recent post, there seems to be space among those 18 seats. Maybe the people have already decided.
