A couple years ago, I gave a terrible work gift. My agent’s team had done a phenomenal job of championing me in a negotiation and I thought a basket full of deli food and coffee from New York City's iconic Zabar’s was the perfect way to thank these Los Angeles folks. I failed to consider that most of them were working remotely or on vacation, and I never received confirmation anyone had received the basket. I think that babka spent the holidays going stale in the mailroom, being picked off by random employees or nibbled by mice.
What would have been fine five years ago is now problematic. The post-pandemic eternal question of “who’s in, who’s out” of the office adds a new twist to the age-old question of appropriate work gifts.
Lizzie Post, great granddaughter of Emily Post and co-president at the Emily Post Institute, suggested that going forward, take the extra step to ask if a gift would be easily received and the best time and place to send it — especially for perishables.
But that’s not the only way people run into trouble.
Never gift up the ladder
Generally, it’s inappropriate to give presents to your boss, Post says. “Gifts are always down the ladder. The exception is when there's a two-person team, think ["Sex and the City"] Carrie Bradshaw and her assistant.” Gifts up the ladder are awkward not only because they can appear as an attempt to curry favor, but they may make your boss feel uncomfortable too.
It is fine to do a group gift or card from the entire team to a supervisor, “but you never want to just do it on your own or just a couple of people. It's important to be all in, or none,” Post said. “Get everybody's buy-in to participate in a group gift, and then you come up together with a number that feels right for everybody. And I would make it lower than you’re thinking. If your brain goes, ‘Oh, $50 bucks would be easy,’ make it $25 per person,” she said.
Cost can vary by person, workplace or industry, but keep it reasonable. Rachel Moore of Calabasas, California was mortified to receive a diamond ring from a coworker she didn’t know well. “A coffee mug or a candle or literally anything else that's a normal work-appropriate gift and under $15 would've been preferred, or nothing at all!”
Liz Sweeney of Boise, Idaho, had the opposite problem when she was 19 and a new manager came on board at the small manufacturing company where she worked. “This woman presented me with a large, wrapped box that, she said, ‘contained the goals to my career.’
“It contained well-worn clothes, including a flannel nightgown and a worn-out bra; used makeup; and some costume jewelry...also used. She gave it to me privately and I think she wanted me to be extremely grateful. Instead, I was uncomfortable and wished I hadn't been put in that situation.”
Skip the sexy, the sacred and the weird
The golden rule of gift-giving etiquette is to avoid religion, politics and sex,” said Richie Frieman, an expert on work manners. “Even if the person is of the same religion as you, now is not the time to present that to the entire group. For one, you never know how religious a person is, and gifting them something with a faith-based message may not be received as expected.”
“When selecting a gift, always consider the professional relationship and avoid anything too personal,” said etiquette expert Jamila Musayeva. "Absolutely avoid giving anything that could feel too personal or intrusive — think of items like skincare products, perfumes or clothing. These can easily overstep boundaries. Additionally, stay away from humor-based gifts or anything that could be seen as overly casual.”
If the idea is to bring in cheer, make sure it’s not mean-spirited. “It's one thing when a gift is just funny, it's different when you're making fun of someone with a gift. That’s a line that can sometimes get crossed at the office,” Post said, using the example of a gift that refers to a mistake or a failure. It might be funny to you, but it absolutely won’t be to the recipient.
And we shouldn’t have to say it, but we will because people are still giving vibrators — avoid anything sex-related. Apparel, joke presents, or equipment are all off the table. Those items aren’t just embarrassing — they could spark an HR inquiry.
Put these on your list
“People appreciate gifts that convey thoughtfulness and show awareness of our new way of living and working,” said Musayeva. “Above all, personalized gestures are meaningful — such as a handwritten note, which adds a warm, considerate touch that makes the recipient feel genuinely appreciated … Also, keep inclusivity in mind; some people may prefer non-material acknowledgments or gestures instead, so being attuned to what resonates with each person is important.”
Whether it’s stationery, a book you loved, a special pen, a plant or a tray of goodies from a favorite bakery, it only takes a few minutes to figure out a meaningful — and appropriate — gift.
“The most important gift-giving rule post-pandemic is to remember that any gift, regardless of where a person may live now or how often you see them, is intended to show appreciation,” said Frieman. “The last thing you want to do is remind someone that distance has separated your relationship (even if everyone is remote), but rather, you still know who they are and care for them.”
And should you be caught in the awkward position of receiving a gift without a reciprocal one on hand, Post advises to act with grace and say a sincere thank you and compliment the gift — don’t make up a lie that you forgot their gift or it’s coming later. “Instead, just accept the gift and focus on this person's generosity. That's how you honor that moment.”
