The Question
What can we do to crabs and lobsters?
Talking Points
- Russia told Bulgaria and Poland: no gas for you
- The Champions League looked like an all-English affair
- Wimbledon confirmed: Djokovic good, Medvedev bad
- The UK set about privatising the beloved Channel 4
- Beijing plunged into lockdown amid rare public outcry
- Myanmar jailed Aung San Suu Kyi for another five years
- Harvard announced a $100m slavery reparations fund
- Bored Ape Yacht Club got hacked for a second time this month
- A horrific shooting stunned South Africans
- Janjaweed militia attacks killed hundreds in Darfur
Deep Dive
Show me the money! What's left of it anyway. After some truly ludicrous earnings reports on the back of distorted consumer behaviour over the past 24 months, reality (and routine) may be returning to the market. This week we're scratching at some very big numbers (and yes there will be a quiz afterwards).
The logical place to start is at A for ALPHABET . This week, Alphabet reported earnings marginally below expectations (while still delivering a cool quarterly profit of $16.43bn). The engine room for all that profit is of course Google's ad sales operation. Ove the years the company has comandeered a whopping 29% share of the online ad market, but now growth is slowing. If you want to know why, check which app your 14-year-old (or 33-year-old) spends most of their time on.
It's a similar report card for AMAZON and Andy Jassy . The world-bestriding online retailer and web services corporation reported its first quarterly loss since 2015. Amazon certainly isn't alone in reaping what it's sown through eruptions in the hyper-globalised economy. Revenue grew by 7% last quarter; an unenviable comparison to last year's Q1 sales growth of 44%. But we shouldn't be too hard on the new CEO, the conditions that had earned those sales last year are partly what hit them now. All that bored-binge-buying during the lockdowns had encouraged Amazon to invest heavily in infrastructure, some of which is now surplus to requirements. Jassy also forewarned of higher "labour costs"; the scourge of shareholders and the joy of Amazon's increasingly-unionised workforce.
China's lockdowns have bitten into APPLE, but Tim Cook insists 'tis but a flesh wound. Cook may be helming a company with a market capitalisation of $2.67tn but that doesn't mean the company is inured to heightened global volatility. Or as Cook put it, "I want to acknowledge the challenges we are seeing, from supply chain disruptions driven by both Covid and silicon shortages, to the devastation from the war in Ukraine. We are not immune to these challenges." And yet... Apple actually out-performed expectations in Q1, delivering 9% year-on-year revenue growth. It seems everyone still wants an iPhone. So what's all the doom and gloom about? Cook's downbeat outlook presaged a more lacklustre finish for Apple in the current quarter, with the Shanghai lockdown expected to strike an $8bn blow.
But none of the above are a patch on Facebook. There was a whiff of concern about the results coming out Menlo Park last year. Now, it's panic stations as META'S rivals metastise. The company's shares still rose by 15% after the results were published but that's not as good as it sounds; the company is still down 40% in 2022. Facebook and Google share common enemies here, the most obvious being TikTok. The Chinese giant is eating everyone's lunch at the moment, and Facebook's rearguard action (its own snippet streaming platform Reels) just isn't hot enough. Can Meta build a new online world before TikTok eats their prime revenue source? And speaking of Prime, Amazon is also making huge strides in online advertising with a business that made more than $30bn last year and is growing at over 30%.
Last (and perhaps least) there's TWITTER. In what could be its last earnings report as a publicly traded company, the social network reported that it has been overcounting its daily active users by 2 million for three years running. A rounding error, no doubt. In fairness it's hard to concentrate on getting the numbers right when the world's richest man (and your future boss) is posting disparaging things about you and your coworkers.
Worldlywise
LA Confidential
It was early on Monday morning — around 7am — when the maintenance cleaner at Woodrow Wilson High School found Valentin Broeksmit's body. Here lay a 45-year-old with a history of opioid abuse and petty crime. Not to mention a fixation on the suicide of his own father. One individual who knew him described the erstwhile film producer as an "unemployed rock musician". Police told reporters later that they did not suspect foul play. But this wasn't just another suicide in a country where deaths by intentional self-harm have risen steadily over the last decade. Broeksmit's death will be read about in the Edgar Hoover Building, Deutsche Bank boardrooms in Frankfurt, and quite possibly Mar-a-Lago.
Let's hit rewind. Broeksmit's deceased father Bill was a high-flying banker who, in 2008, was installed as Head of Portfolio Risk Optimisation at Deutsche Bank. It's a role of immeasurable privilege (he was the confidante of the CEO) that can be best summarised as: skeleton inspector and closet buyer. He quit in 2013, and ahead of a government investigation into Deutsche Bank, hanged himself the following year. His papers were passed on to Broeksmit the younger. It was a goldmine. The Mean Girls burn book but for investment types. And among the reams of internal documents, printed communications, and bank statements, one name turned up again and again: Donald J. Trump.
Broeksmit turned it all over to the FBI in 2019 during its well-publicised investigation into Deutsche Bank and its long business relationship with the Trumps. He was subpoenaed regularly by the House Intelligence Committee and chased around the block by reporters. Indeed, he is the central character in Dark Towers , David Enrich's riveting book about the sordid affair. The revelations cost Deutsche Bank $130m Then, things took a mysterious turn last year when Broeksmit simply disappeared. The last images of him alive showed him driving a red Mini Cooper on Riverside Drive on April 6, 2021. His family reported him missing, but Broeksmit allegedly kept in contact with people through his Twitter account (@BikiniRobotArmy).
Editor's note: Does anyone else feel like rewatching Michael Clayton (2007)?
No respite in sight
India is no stranger to heatwaves. But the last time it was as hot, Britain's Queen Victoria ruled the land. Records are falling across India and Pakistan as a high pressure system traps heat near the surface. One region near their shared border is expected to reach 48°C (118 ° F) next week. Delhi, a mega-metropolis that is home to 30 million, is seeing temperatures in the mid forties day after day. One billion people across the region are at risk of heat-related health impacts. What's most extraordinary about this heatwave is its timing: the mercury was already climbing toward 40°C in March — more than two months earlier than usual. And worse (much worse) is to come; isothermic maps show deep distressing red across the subcontinent.
The punishing heat, combined with high humidity, makes outdoor work a dangerous proposition by mid-morning. The economic impact of this is profound: nearly half of India's labour force is in agriculture. Schools have shuttered or broken early for holidays. Even indoors, there is little reprieve: only 15% of Indian households have air-conditioning. But the country's single day power demand still reached an all-time high of 204.65 GW as the land baked. With networks failing to match supply with demand rolling power cuts have spread across central and north-western India. Inside it is dark and stifling , outside almost uninhabitable.
India still draws 70% of its power generation from coal, but last year Prime Minister Narendra Modi pledged to reach net-zero by 2070. That's a tough ask for the world's third-largest carbon emitter. This week, Indian Railways cancelled passenger trains to allow free passage for coal trains to alleviate the blackouts. A cold and humourless irony stretches out on those hot tracks.
The Best Of Times
Dig, dig, sail, sail
It's been a big week for all the Phoeniciaphiles out there. For the rest of you, it's time to learn more about this lustrous seafaring civilisation! You can gauge the extent of their influence across the Mediterranean through two discoveries announced this week. First, a university team excavating a Phoenician site in Sicily discovered that the kothon (defensive harbour) was actually a religious pool that aligned precisely with the stars above. And in southern Spain, workers upgrading the water mains stumbled into a 4th century BCE Phoenician necropolis.
Double-barrelled bambini
While it is common in Italy for heterosexual married women to keep their surnames after tying the knot, their offspring automatically receive the father's last name. In the words of one politician, Italy, until now, was the "story of male biographies." No longer. This week the country's constitutional court ruled that children should be given both surnames at birth . It's obviously good to equalise men and women before the law, but this is going to lead to some veryyyyy long names in a few generations time.
The Worst Of Times
Somalia is dying of thirst
Three years of little or no rainfall has left Somalia in crisis. Harvest after harvest has failed. The livestock died of thirst first. Now the elderly, infirm, and children are dying. Families are spending most of their income on food: wheat prices are up 40% because of the war in Ukraine. A dire situation that is not getting enough of the world's attention. Or action.
The first of the climate martyrs
Wynn Bruce, a Buddhist climate activist from Colorado, self-immolated on the steps of the United States Supreme Court last week. An extreme, yes, but the result of a species in extremis. There will be more. In the words of a friend, "This act is not suicide. This is a deeply fearless act of compassion to bring attention to the climate crisis."
Highlights
The Image
The world's longest suspension bridge (721m) has opened in Bohemia, Czechia. A spectacular walk provided no-one starts rocking 300m in. Image supplied by The New Zealand Herald .
The Quote
"No. it is a sign of me buying 😂 "
– In March 2021 Bill Hwang was plowing borrowed money into his 10 favourite companies. His hedge fund, Archegos Capital Management, held 50% of ViacomCBS's outstanding shares. When queried by an analyst whether Viacom's improving stock price was a "sign of strength", Hwang sent the above response. That text, and many embarrassing others, are being aired now that he's been charged with misleading banks and conducting manipulative trades . Turns out borrow > invest > profit > borrow isn't necessarily a sustainable model.
The Numbers
A $100bn content budget
- The heyday of firehose spending at Netflix may be over as member growth turns negative. A fortune — stupid money — was poured into acquisition to fend off the new streamers who entered the field over the past five years. The market has matured faster than expected. And yet, industry insiders expect streamers to spend at least $100bn on content in 2022 . Somehow, 90% of it will still be garbage.
$600mn in emergency aid
- The World Bank agreed to chop out $600m to help Sri Lanka address its economic crisis. It's sorely-needed financial assistance, but only a fraction of the $3bn Colombo needs to purchase essentials like food, oil, and medicine. What's incredible is that the ruling Rajapaksas have authored this disaster in just 30 months . If running countries into the ground was a competitive sport...
The Headlines
"Humanity entering 'spiral of self-destruction', UN warns" — France24 . Vote better, cut down on meat, plant native trees, [redacted] an ExxonMobile executive.
"The Johnny Depp and Amber Heard is bringing out the worst in all of us"
— Mic . It most certainly is.
The Special Mention
Our special mention in the category of Occupational Health and Safety goes to the British Conservative MP who got caught watching pornography in a party meeting. A female minister happened to notice their wicked workmate gazing intently at their phone. Come on, dude! It's been all of five minutes since 'Pestminster' and the revelations of widespread sexual harassment there.
The Best Long Reads
- Businessweek goes undercover at a million-dollar wedding
- Foreign Policy installs a heatpump at home
- The Economist investigates an army with a rotten core
The Answer...
Lots of torture. These armoured aquatic scuttlers do not get a good run onshore. They are prodded, poked, and poisoned in the name of science. All because they are sensitive to chemicals and don't muck around when it comes to breeding. But expanded animal rights laws in the UK may put crustaceans and decapods on equal standing with mammals — they are sentient after all. What can should we do to crabs?
