The UK and US are boorish in their own ways. But I often wish I were British

‘Tact and politeness might not be universally applied by everyone in Britain, but the idea of it still carries some weight.’ Illustration: Fortunate Joaquin/The Guardian

The so-called “special relationship” between Britain and the United States has never seemed more tenuous. At times, it looks like the US-UK alliance is a geopolitical version of a slowly disintegrating celebrity relationship where neither side wants to admit it’s actually over, so someone has to do a crazy thing like cheating in the most high-profile manner possible to wrap things up. Like Klay Thompson (allegedly) stepping out on Megan Thee Stallion, America has been making goo-goo eyes at Israel for the last year, and King Charles is starting to get jealous.

So the king popped into the White House for a tour of all the changes Donald and Melania have foisted upon the grounds. Have you seen the gaping hole where the East Wing used to be? And what a hole it is. To your left, you’ll see the beehive.