You’d be hard-pressed to find a mascot more deplorable than Gritty in the pantheon of mascots from across the sports world.
I mean, just go look at that dude really quickly. It’s fine — you can stop reading for one second to go do it. OK, back? Good. Now, wasn’t that awful? Why would anyone make a mascot that looks like that?
What were the Flyers thinking? Shoutout to them as a hockey team and an organization, but the mascot looks like what would happen if you took the Philly Fanatic, painted it orange and told it not to bathe for a few months.
Basically, what I’m saying is that Gritty is a musty, orange version of the Phanatic. And I’m questioning why on Earth anyone would want to make that their mascot?
Great Halloween costume, of course. And Gritty is also an icon in Philly at this point. But y’all. If we’re calling a spade a spade here, Gritty is horrifying. Straight up.
Clearly, this is a Philly mascot thing. Because as horrifying as the Philly Phanatic and Gritty are, the city’s USFL team is trying to double down on the terror with a shaved, Dollar Tree version of Gritty with horns.
The Philadelphia Stars of the USFL just debuted their new mascot called “Blob.” Yes, that’s right. Blob. Which was apparently the winner in the Stars’ contest for a mascot name. Well done, Philly. Well done.
Here’s what Blob looks like.
Dear Earth, meet Blob, the winner of our mascot name vote⭐️ pic.twitter.com/rq0YlmkZti
— Philadelphia Stars (@USFLStars) April 15, 2022
Yes, that’s right. This is Blob. Basically, a chilled-out version of Gritty. He still looks very horrifying, sure. But it’s like this is what it’d look like if Gritty shaved and took some melatonin.
This is definitely the Gritty vibe, though. Again, a Dollar Tree version? Sure. But the vibe is the vibe. And it’s still pretty horrifying.
To the rest of us, anyway. Philly sports fans? They love this dude already and the Stars haven’t played a down yet.
