'The No10 Downing Street parties probe has turned into a farcical cop out'

We all wondered how it was taking Sue Gray so long to establish there was a bloody party.

Maybe she was making the report like a tapestry, and was having trouble embroidering a birthday cake.

Perhaps it will be released as an opera, so it will cost £60 for a ticket to see it. Then we’ll see a chorus of tenors singing “why do you leave us, do not forsake us?”