In a dark and dangerous bar on some far-flung backwater planet, a weary bounty hunter saddles up to the counter and orders a drink. She’s played by Cate Blanchett. Her name... doesn’t really matter. One hand lingers inches from her futuristic sci-fi pistol, the other keeps a firm grip on her prisoner, an anonymous criminal with a bag over his head who’s wanted for unspecified space crimes. We never learn what this guy did, but it doesn’t matter. A few minutes later he’s dead, and our bounty hunter has moved on to the next job.
This opening scene of Borderlands (actually the third scene following two that are brutally heavy on exposition) feels like a perfect encapsulation of Eli Roth’s new video game-inspired sci-fi blockbuster. Motivations don’t really matter, the characters are paper-thin, and the plot moves at the speed of a gamer rapidly clicking their way through dialogue to get to the next level. On the other hand, it’s impossible to cast Cate Blanchett as the star in an action epic and not have it be at least a little fun to watch; and in an age of CGI slop, Borderlands gets points for crafting a vibrant post-apocalypse setting. It’s just a shame it all adds up to Guardians of the Galaxy with worse jokes.
Borderlands stars Blanchett as Lilith, a bounty hunter who’s hired to track down a missing girl on the backwater planet Pandora. The girl, Tiny Tina (Ariana Greenblatt) is the daughter of a rich industrialist named Atlas (Edgar Ramirez channeling his inner Elon Musk), who commands a private army he apparently forces to wear matching red velvet uniforms. Tina has been kidnapped by Roland (Kevin Hart), one of Atlas’ top soldiers, who teams up with a muscly “Psycho” named Krieg (Florian Munteanu). Lilith lands on Pandora, tracks down Tina, and one fight scene later she’s agreed to join the group, who it turns out are actually protecting the young girl from her evil dad. Filling out the party is a surly robot named Claptrap (voiced by Jack Black) and also, somehow, Jamie Lee Curtis as a doctor who joins the group midway through their adventure.
From here, Borderlands follows a sort of rigid video game logic. Fight scene. Boss battle. Exposition dump. Driving level. Fight scene. Exposition dump. Stealth level. Fight scene... you get the idea. Along the way, we learn more about Pandora, a planet that was once ruled by powerful aliens who hid their technology in a secret vault. Everyone is looking for the vault, but to find it you first need to locate three MacGuffins keys. All of this backstory is explained in a narrated exposition dump at the start of the movie, but that info slid right off the back of my brain as soon as it landed.
While the weakest part of Borderlands is undeniably the script, which reads like it was written by a chat bot trained on video game cutscenes, the cast does an admirable job of elevating the measly dialogue they’re given. Cate Blanchett can do no wrong, though it’s weird to see her going from Tár to this, while Kevin Hart does plenty of heavy lifting while also providing some comic relief. Jamie Lee Curtis also does her best with a thin script, quickly establishing an intriguing relationship with Blanchett as soon as she’s introduced, despite mostly serving as an source of exposition. Meanwhile, Ariana Greenblatt is admirably believable as a psychopathic little girl with a penchant for throwing explosive stuffed rabbits at her enemies. Jack Black’s annoying robot is just annoying.
Some credit also goes to Eli Roth, who both co-wrote and directed the movie. While Roth’s ability to dissect horror tropes is undeniable (see his most recent thriller, Thanksgiving), as a writer, he struggles to add anything interesting to cinema’s sci-fi canon. Borderlands clearly wants to invoke other classics like Mad Max and The Fifth Element. Instead, it ends up feeling more like a cheap knockoff than a worthy addition to the genre.
But as a director, Roth proves he’s more than capable of playing in the sci-fi sandbox. The action in Borderlands in kinetic and pulpy. It’s genuinely fun to watch Lilith figure her way out of each new enemy encounter, from a giant, axe-wielding maniac to a final boss who uses sci-fi tech to wield a giant laser canon that rains down fire from above. A car chase scene that takes our heroes through a landscape dominated by a giant squid that shoots urine at its enemies is also thrilling to watch. Roth also clearly knows how to get out of the way and let actors like Blanchett, Curtis, and Bobby Lee (in a memorable cameo role) do their thing.
None of this is enough to save Borderlands from mediocrity, but it does mean that if you find yourself watching the movie — either in theaters, or more likely on some streaming service in a couple of months — you’ll probably be entertained. There’s no doubt that the studio execs behind it hoped Borderlands could launch a new franchise, but if the movie proves anything, it’s that the excellent actors and filmmakers assembled here all deserve something better than a mediocre Guardians of the Galaxy wannabe.
