G-string controversy has swept the nation in another moment of confected outrage.
'Man on the Gold Coast calls for women to stop displaying their buttocks in public'. It is disturbing the peace. The peace of those who do not give a toss, that is.
The big issues people, the big issues.
Never mind the wars in Ukraine and the Middle East. This latest battle on what females dare to wear at the beach and at public pools - and anywhere else they want - is part of a long, ongoing morality war in Australia where skirmishes break out from time to time
There has long been policing - mostly by old men - of what women choose to wear, particularly when they're at the beach.
Between 1838 and 1902, swimming during the day was declared an illegal activity by NSW authorities because of "morality concerns". As stipulated in the Sydney Police Act of the time, the prohibition applied to areas within NSW incorporated into municipalities, such as the Manly council.
Beach enthusiasts seeking a swim were not entirely restricted from doing so, but were required to have a dip at beaches outside designated ban areas.
Swimmers who ventured back into restricted zones risked raising the ire of the council's "Inspector of Nuisances", whose duties also encompassed managing stray animals like horses and pigs.
It is a shame that councils ever got rid of the position of Inspector of Nuisances. They would be run off their feet if I had their phone number, and it would have nothing to do with what women were not wearing at the beach.
I wish they still existed and had the power to fine the owners of dogs that relentlessly bark, electric bike riders who ride furiously along shared pathways and selfish characters who walk four abreast on the Bathers Way while discussing real estate prices.
I would have a Newcastle Inspector of Nuisances on speed dial for one bugbear that has reached plague-like proportions in this city, and that is the increasing use of the "Newcastle wave" at pedestrian crossings.
For those unfamiliar with the Newcastle wave, it is a term of endearment used by local motorists to describe the act of taking a hand off the steering wheel and waving it while mouthing the word "sorry" at anyone waiting to use - or already on - the inconvenient white parallel stripes indicating a pedestrian crossing. It's usually accompanied by an enthusiastic planting of the accelerator to politely reduce pedestrian waiting time.
The Newcastle wave appears to be legal if used by those who fork out vehicle registration fees and reside within the local LGA.
After the demise of Sydney Nuisance Inspectors policing the beaches for bare skin, came (now defunct) the Beach Inspectors. While charged with keeping swimmers safe, they also had authority to confiscate surfboards and reset a wayward moral compass.
In the 1980s and 1990s, it was common for them to correct women bathing topless at beaches, which had been partly influenced by the arrival of uninhibited European backpackers.
During the same period in Newcastle, a Beach Inspector would politely but firmly ask women who were swimming or sunbaking topless to replace discarded bikini tops.
It seems these days that locals are generally relaxed about the display of buttocks at Newcastle beaches and pools, as well as in the Hunter Street Mall and Coles at The Junction.
In fact, locals appear chilled about the display of buttocks anywhere except on vinyl seating.
Why women chose to keep the bikini tops on, and expose the buttocks, is subject to various theories. European fashion has played a part, as has the brutal Aussie sun and sun cancer campaigns.
Perhaps the ubiquity of mobile phones with high-resolution cameras featuring zoom lenses have also had influence on those who do not wish to appear on some anonymous social media account sans bikini top.
Bare breasts at the beach are just not that common like they once were a few decades ago.
Bare breasts are out and bare buttocks are in at Newcastle beaches and ocean baths.
Or the exact opposite if one takes it literally.
