Esoteric historian, widow and conflicted author Loretta Sage (Sandra Bullock) writes bonkbusters set in exotic locales, and on the cover of every one of her meticulously-researched books her long-haired hero, Dash, as channelled by model Alan, (Channing Tatum), shows off his cracking bod.
After being kidnapped (this rom-com is both long and implausible) by Abigail Fairfax, a treasure-seeking billionaire (Daniel Radcliffe, trying so hard to make his potty character fun), the waspish Loretta finds herself on a remote jungle island with Alan. Though Loretta is initially contemptuous of this sweet, somewhat dim metrosexual, she soon finds herself peeling leeches off his naked butt and, when confronted by his penis, jibbering with joy. Thanks to Bullock – one of the great comedians of our age – Loretta jibbers in a way that is both ribald and wry. The mood is what you might call meta-hen-night.
