I ended up watching The Last House twice, just to confirm I hadn't hallucinated its truly head-scratching plot. I regret to inform you that it's just as bad the second time around, making it the biggest Netflix disappointment of the year.
It's unfair to call The Last House the worst movie of the year, but it's definitely not what I expected from the best streaming service, especially considering that Netflix had spent a lot of time promoting it, even creating a billboard featuring a live actor inside. The movie is being promoted everywhere, so it's a shame that it has received largely negative reviews, including mine.