The Jehovah’s Witnesses who left the faith and never looked back: ‘I was 37 and had only ever held a boy’s hand’

Micki McAllen speaks matter-of-factly about all the times she was told the world was about to end. The September 11 attacks. Donald Trump’s election. Covid. Each time, she and her family – strict Jehovah’s Witnesses – would wait with a mix of dread and anticipation for the salvation to come. Of course, Armageddon didn’t arrive on any of those occasions. But McAllen was told to always be prepared – it was right around the corner, after all. It was only when she was 35, and first began questioning her faith, that she asked herself a simple question: why prepare to die when I could choose to live?

The pandemic was the final nail in the coffin for McAllen. Confined to her home during lockdown in Auckland, New Zealand, she found herself searching for answers online. Gradually, the doubt set in. “I started reading people’s experiences, especially going through Covid,” she says. “A lot of people were affected by not having to go to kingdom hall [a place of worship for Witnesses] or any meeting or field service. We all had time to slow down and to think.”