As he prepares for his first game with Canterbury in almost six years, Josh Reynolds admits he doubted himself more than ever before on his unlikely quest to don the blue and white again.
Reynolds left the Bulldogs at the end of 2017 to take up a more lucrative offer with the Wests Tigers but never hit the highs he did on two separate runs to the grand final with Canterbury.
Following a two-year stint playing with Hull FC in England, the five-eighth was 33, at a crossroads and considering retirement.
That was when an opportunity to re-join the Bulldogs - the club where he'd played 138 NRL matches over seven seasons - on a train and trial deal presented itself.
On his return to Australia, Reynolds parlayed that chance into a full-time contract and eventually a place on the bench for Sunday's round-five home match against North Queensland.
"Ten years down the track, when I try to explain this to someone, I won't be able to because it's been such a different ride for me," he said.
"The relief, the joy that I'm going to get on Sunday when I run out with those boys is going to be special."
The path back to the NRL tested the Reynolds physically and mentally. More than once, he believed he no longer had it in him to keep pace with teammates up to 15 years his junior.
"It was probably the most self-doubt I've ever had, to be honest. I struggled with it," he said.
"I never really had a lot (of self-doubt) coming through because you know your body's going to be okay.
"But the first day when I came into pre-season, I was nervous. Then I did the first fitness test and it made me more nervous."
A training injury put Reynolds under even more pressure in his bid to convince coach Cameron Ciraldo and general manager Phil Gould that he was worthy of a full-time deal.
"I had a little hammy (hamstring injury) during the middle, which once again, wasn't great timing just because I only had 12 weeks to prove myself," he said.
"The whole question that Gus and Ciro had was, is your body going to hold up?
"I'm glad it didn't come easy. I'm glad I didn't just walk in here and got to go off what I'd done here before. I wanted to prove myself."
Sunday's game provides Reynolds not only with a chance to represent his beloved Bulldogs again, but to make sure he will finish his career on the terms he'd always hoped.
"In ten years' time when I do talk about this, when I talk to my son and daughter about my football career, I would've been a bit a bitter if I ended it (in England)," he said.
"I did lose the love for the game a bit, in that five-year period but only because I loved it so much here.
"Now that I get to talk about finishing it here at the club I love, it changes all that. It makes it all worth it."
