In day-to-day life, there are two kinds of selfishness. One is where you don’t give a damn about anyone else and what they need or want, and just go after what you want, whenever it feels good to do so. This is the kind of selfishness that gives the word a bad rep. The second is just about prioritising our own needs, and articulating them.
We’ve misunderstood the value of selfishness. That isn’t terribly surprising, given that most major religions have always framed it as a vice, with kindness almost always presented as an unequivocal good. But overemphasising the primacy of kindness can make us feel as if we can never put ourselves first, even when we really need to. Kindness is one of the oils that keeps society moving. But it’s not a cost-free behaviour to demand of other people, or of ourselves. You – we, I – get to be top of the pile every now and then.
