The ‘grey divorce’ phenomenon doesn’t signal a retreat from love. It’s a redefinition of it

‘Older Australians come to love differently. Many women in their 50s, in particular, are seeking connection and companionship without cohabitation.’ Photograph: Halfpoint Images/Getty Images

As Valentine’s Day approached we were once again flooded with the usual suspects: roses, chocolates, sophisticated dinners and glossy ads featuring young heterosexual couples staring earnestly into each other’s eyes. The problem isn’t just that this version of romance is exclusionary – though it is. It’s that it’s profoundly out of step with how love is actually being lived, negotiated and reimagined in contemporary Australia.

Culturally, love has long been framed as a pursuit of the young. From Romeo and Juliet to Normal People, from Bridget Jones to When Harry Met Sally, romantic fulfilment is depicted as something you secure early; ideally before your knees give out or your mortgage locks in. The message is consistent: find love in your 20s or 30s, settle down, and then coast (emotionally paired and narratively complete) until death do you part.