What an infuriating episode. Again!
I’m so annoyed. It hardly felt like a Patisserie Week. I mean, where was the Patisserie? The technical challenge was a joke too. I did a poll on Twitter earlier about it and 95% of readers said they had never heard of a vertical tart.
At least the three bakers who have made it to the final are actually a delight on the screen. They have been holding up the series between them. And hopefully, hopefully we’ll have a decent final too, thanks to them.
Thanks so much for your wonderful comments and responses. It has been a joy to do this with you each and every week.
And if Janusz is not given an honorary float at Brighton Pride next year … we riot!
And Janusz is heading home.
I can’t bear it. Honestly. He has been a triumph all series. It didn’t feel right for him to go, in all honestly. He’s a fabulous baker.
Abdul is Star Baker!
For the first time! It means that everyone has won Star Baker at least once heading into the final.
They’re holding hands. I can’t bear this.
If only!
I can’t tell who is at the bottom? Sandro? Janusz? Let us know in the comments.
And finally, Sandro. A truly bonkers look, but he gets compliments for the textures and flavours.
Sandro’s ‘Where it Started to How it’s Going’ Krokan Showstopper. 🌍 #GBBO pic.twitter.com/8FaB4SYoWU
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) November 8, 2022
Janusz’ showstopper is deemed slightly untidy, but has a delicious flavour. A bit overbaked in parts and too soft in others. I hate to say this, but I think that Janusz might be at the bottom.
Janusz’s ‘Brighton Pride’ Krokan Showstopper. 🏳️🌈#GBBO pic.twitter.com/D1uXMoUBFw
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) November 8, 2022
Syabira! She has outdone herself.
This has to be one of the most spectacular bakes this show has ever seen. The chromosomes are holding the whole thing up too.
The only criticism was that her bake was considered to be a little overdone.
And FINESSE klaxon. That’s the seventh time we’ve heard it this episode.
Syabira’s ‘The DNA in You’ Krokan Showstopper. 🧬 #GBBO pic.twitter.com/Q8d6jdJz2O
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) November 8, 2022
It’s the showstopper challenge judging ...
Abdul first. I know it is supposed to look like a spaceship, but to me it sort of looks like a Christmas tree. His bake is praised for having lots of detail. It also tastes delicious.
I reckon Abdul is a finalist! So well deserved.
Abdul’s ‘To The Stars!’ Krokan Showstopper. 🚀 #GBBO pic.twitter.com/ifJ72PcLLh
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) November 8, 2022
Syabira’s helix has to be one of the most astonishing bakes I have ever seen on Bake Off.
This is Bread Lion levels of baking. Absolutely astounding.
If the flavours hold up, she could end up achieving a Bake Off first: Star Baker for the fourth consecutive week!
Syabira has written out letters of the genome around her bake. And the helixes look just like how they are in the textbooks. Astonishing.
Elsewhere in the tent, Sandro seems genuinely alarmed that he won’t be able to finish in time. Honestly, he might have overegged it here (this is not meant to be a pun.)
Janusz is now helping Syabira build her awe-inspiring helix tower.
No idea how or whether she will be able to transport it to the front of the tent at the end of the challenge, though.
It’s so tense in the tent that Matt and Noel are not reverting to their usual jokes. In fact, they are a bit restrained this week. Wonder why.
Syabira is using a spirit level to ensure that her bake is able to stand up in the right way.
We love to see it!
FINESSE KLAXON.
We’re up to seven.
Janusz is baking a Brighton Pride kraken, which will contain a pride flag and colours on the base to reflect the trans and black, asian and minority ethnic communities.
And Janusz takes this opportunity again to point out the merits of the other bakers, pointing out that the standards are so high.
Syabira is baking a double helix kraken, as her day job involves analysing the human genome.
The first three times she made it, the genome fell over. The fourth time it worked. Crikey.
“This is the last chance to impress the judges,” says Matt Lucas, forgetting that the showstopper is always the last chance to impress the judges.
But honestly, huge kudos for Abdul to be making it to the semi-final without ever having won Star Baker or getting a handshake.
The judges: “We need to see something truly spectacular and out of this world.”
Sandro: “I am making something ambitious.”
The judges: *sigh*
Syabira on being the only woman left in the competition:
“There are three guys around me. This has to be done for the girls.”
Their bakes must have a minimum height of 60cm, which makes it feel like an architectural challenge rather than a baking one.
The showstopper challenge is … a multi-tier Swedish kraken!
Wait wait … is this really patisserie? It feels a bit far-fetched.
Paul and Prue are judging the baking as if they are football pundits.
Janusz is vulnerable! Goodness.
Sandro says his bakes “never look perfect” according to Prue. Really??!! C’mon. Look at his globe, which she said was one of the best things she’s ever tasted. This hyperbole is utterly ridiculous.
I want to go on an angry walk.
What was that challenge?
Updated
Janusz is trying to fit as many innuendos into this episode as possible. It’s like his life depends on it.
“One crack, and you’re out.”
Still, nothing beats last week though.
“I’m going to have 12 bottoms and then I’m going to have 24 tops”
— Wando (@Wandoful) November 1, 2022
Sounds like Janusz is in for a good night 😂 #GBBO pic.twitter.com/1aG12owtYA
Here’s the ranking. 4. Sandro. 3. Janusz 2. Abdul. 1. Syabira.
Felt really bloody harsh to be referring to Sandro’s as “a mess.”
Honestly, there’s not much between them. It’s going to be a big upset whoever leaves today.
Sandro is criticised for not looking good, but his flavours held up.
I still think Sandro needs a hug though.
Paul on Abdul: “The problem is that it is too stiff.”
Looks to camera.
It’s time for the technical challenge judging …
And Prue says she is impressed. Expect five minutes now of criticism.
And now they’re having to move their vertical tarts to the end of their work stations. And Abdul’s has fallen over. Weirdly it doesn’t stand up again.
Now Sandro can’t follow Prue’s instructions, unsure whether placing a tier “along” his vertical tart means decorating the inside of the tart or the back.
I feel for him. It feels like he’s being penalised for literally nothing.
“I’m really trying to hold back my tears right now,” he says.
Lesson to Matt Lucas: don’t stand next to a baker when they are doing a critical and precise cut of their moulds.
Abdul’s moulds are falling apart, so bless him for just glueing them back in place.
Lol at the dramatic way Sandro just flings his rings.
His rings also look like giant hula hoops, which at this rate will be a future technical.
I’ve just Googled vertical patisserie. Not much came up again. Hope that helps.
Noel Fielding: “Anything I can do?”
Syabira: “Stay away.”
YES SYABIRA. YES.
The Bake Off Plot Twist we were not expecting. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/9iv4OjSVnz
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) November 8, 2022
Another infuriating technical! It’s fine if the technical bakes are pretty niche, or even if it is something that some of them haven’t baked before. But when you force them to try bakes that none of the bakers have heard of, what exactly are we testing the bakers on? Following instructions? What is the point?
All the bakers have the same “what the hell” facial expressions as us at home.
This week’s technical challenge is … four identical chocolate, hazelnut and raspberry vertical tarts!
I have just Googled and vertical tarts didn’t come up with anything clear.
If Google can’t work out what vertical tarts are, how are the bakers supposed to?
Oh my god and we’ve just seen another great burn from Syabira.
Last week she criticised the spring roll technical challenge, saying “I don’t see how this can be done in one hour 20 minutes.”
This week she has a pop at Paul Hollywood’s comments on the flavour combinations: “What does he mean by unusual?” YES SYABIRA.
Abdul’s mini-Charlottes are a bit messy, but his flavours are judged to be the best of the lot. He’s got away with it!
Abdul: “I need to sit with all of you and get some decoration tips.”
Janusz: “Just dump some flowers on it.”
Surprise surprise! Syabira’s flavour combination worked amazingly. I don’t know why there were even questions about her not being able to pull it off.
Her bake is considered not to be set enough, but heck … maybe that is down to the lack of timing (again.)
Janusz does his trademark wink to Syabira to congratulate her.
Janusz’s mini-Charlotte looks stunning, yet Paul says that it looks “untidy.” What!
The chocolate is judged to be too loose, and his jaconde sponge too tough. With such little room for errors in the baking now, you wonder whether this has put him at the bottom.
Sandro’s bake has been judged to be “overwhelming” with flavours, but Prue finds the sponge so good she says that it is some of the best she has ever eaten. She also, weirdly, takes a bit of a sponge along with her. What is she going to do with it?
It’s time for the signature challenge judging …
And many of them look like Maxi Charlottes, not Mini Charlottes.
hahahaha oh I bet this conversation is happening in a lot of places.
Also did anyone else see the state of Sandro’s work station?
The worst of all time!
Janusz is now helping Syabira – and in the closing moments of the challenge too!
He’s the people’s champion this season. Mr Congeniality.
There, I said it.
Paul Hollywood: “We’re looking for Charlotte’s that are small and perfectly formed.”
*Camera zooms in on Sandro’s Charlottes the size of Renault Clios*
Janusz’s innuendo of the week (so far): “Don’t touch my plums.”
At least once an episode: “Something is burning.”
Me watching at home: “It’s from Abdul, isn’t it.”
Abdul peering into a saucepan: “Oh no!”
Janusz says he didn’t expect to get this far in the competition and that he has “exceeded all of my expectations.”
Then he uses this opportunity to advocate for Syabira getting into the final.
What a man, honestly.
“Who doesn’t like peanut butter?” says Syabira to the camera.
Syabira, perhaps people who are allergic to peanuts?
Abdul deciding to make a “simple” tiramisu is also a big risk! Paul and Prue’s exacting standards mean that it will have to be practically perfect in every way.
Then again, Abdul’s strength is that he really does listen to the feedback and learn from it. He’s a world away from the start of the competition.
I have to say, I am a bit concerned about Sandro. He is always pushing the boat out and going for scale scale scale in his baking. And while it looks magnificent if he pulls it off, he sometimes fails to focus on the small details and perfect his flavours.
That is a weakness at this stage of the competition, especially when he’s up against flavour queen Syabira.
Sandro: “I have decided to rein it back this week.”
*Camera zooms in on the 24 eggs Sandro is using*
This is where it all went wrong.
The hill I will die on is that the notorious ‘history bits’ from early GBBO were the lifeblood of the show & it’s never been the same since they stopped sending Mel and/or Sue to France to meet someone with a gossamer-thin claim that their great-grandfather invented the croissant
— Robbie (@RobbieHand) October 29, 2022
Ah, it’s happened again.
Prue to Syabira: “Hmmmm … are you sure about this flavour?”
Prediction: in 15 minutes, Prue and Paul will avidly rave about Syabira’s flavours.
This week’s signature challenge is … a batch of six identical mini-charlottes.
They’re essentially small cheesecakes, containing a mixture of peanuts and fruit.
Paul and Prue: “This has to be the best bake ever created by mankind” etc etc.
Predictions for this episode:
Janusz will use a dripping decoration on his showstopper.
Syabira’s choice of flavours will get concern from the judges, then high praise.
Sandro will bake something the size of a small house.
Abdul will burn a pan.
One day we’ll laugh at a Bake Off opening gag, but alas today is not the day.
Last week we said goodbye to the wonderful baker Maxy, who was tipped by many to make it to the finals because she won Star Baker in both biscuit week and Mexican week. Syabira also achieved a Bake Off first – winning Star Baker for three consecutive weeks!
Abdul continues to be the true underdog of the series. He’s in the semi-finals despite not ever having won a handshake or being named Star Baker. That’s quite a feat.
Oh and our COMMENT OF THE WEEK for last week is all about vol-au-vents:
Welcome to the Great British Bake Off Guardian liveblog. And … it’s patisserie week!
You know what that means: Paul Hollywood saying the word “finesse” for 75 minutes straight!
Last week was a rather infuriating episode, reflecting many of the issues I have had with this series so far. Even though I knew it was the quarter-finals, the challenges in pastry week felt like they were setting the bakers up to fail. They only had one hour and 20 minutes to make spring rolls with a dipping sauce. And the standards for the pie showstopper were simply too high, with somehow nobody making a dish that satisfied the judges.
I wrote a Guardian piece about it, entitled Has Bake Off lost its charm for good?
Would love to know your thoughts on it.
