And Kevin is leaving the tent!
No surprise after that Showstopper, but he has been a delight in the tent. And even though he talked about how he felt like an imposter, he never was. He deserved to be there through and through.
And as a fellow Scot (yes, I know my name is Scott) thank you for flying the flag!
Thank you for reading. It is pastry week next week, so you know there will be actual baking in The Great British Bake Off! Who would have thought it?
Star Baker is... Syabira.
So errrr… not Sandro then.
Sandro with his first Star Baker? He’s been yearning for one for so long!
Kevin is presenting his Showstopper in two parts. The whole appears to have fallen apart. I like how he just went “fuck it” and sprinkled the whole thing with macarons.
The flavours, though, are amazing. Just a shame that he hasn’t been able to present it in the way that he liked. I reckon he’s going home today.
Kevin’s ‘My Honey Valentine’ Custard Gâteau Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/lEtyBJxRI4
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 25, 2022
Sandro’s bake has been piped to perfection. His bottom is a triumph (Paul’s word, not mine), but the top bake is a bit too gloopy.
Sandro’s ‘Tribute to a Friend’ Custard Gâteau Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/1cCpPseLxs
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 25, 2022
Syabira’s Showstopper has been coated with custard and it is considered to be “fantastic” by both Prue and Paul. Glad that she has put the horrors of yesterday behind her. Thank goodness. Sandro at the back of the tent is beaming, and the whole bake jiggles too.
Syabira’s ‘Piña Coladas Anyone?’ Custard Gâteau Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/goliOPcJT2
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 25, 2022
“I am not sure it celebrates custard and makes it the hero,” says Paul about Maxy’s bake, which must be one of the silliest things I have heard on this programme in quite a long time.
Maxy’s ‘The Promised Land’ Custard Gâteau Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/TXB7o7LmE6
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 25, 2022
Janusz’s showstopper bake: the custard is considered to be too gloopy and like wallpaper paste. A mixed bag for Janusz this week, but he just responds by winking at Sandro when he returns to his workstation.
Janusz’s ‘Neapolitan’ Custard Gâteau Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/B2GaRzEmo7
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 25, 2022
And now it is time for the custard showstopper gateaux!
Abdul is up first. I think he’s sailed through this week, pretty much only receiving compliments.
I really do reckon that he could be a finalist if he keeps it up at this rate.
Abdul’s Peach & Raspberry Mille-feuille Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/Q8s0ESL5HU
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 25, 2022
That moment has warmed my heart after a rather cold set of challenges (then again, it is custard.)
And oh my goodness Kevin’s bake is too wobbly and just won’t fit the stand. So THREE BAKERS swoop in to help him in the final moments of that challenge.
That has to be a new record. Janusz is throwing on decoration, Syabira is helping with the piping and Maxy is assisting on the other end of the workstation
“Very jiggly babes,” Janusz remarks.
THREE BAKERS helping, that has to be a new record. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/mTc6LH2D5V
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) October 25, 2022
Matt Lucas is helping Sandro with his custard, so let us use this opportunity in the liveblog to mark that it has now been eight years since the time Bake Off contestant Howard accidentally used Deborah’s custard in the middle of a challenge.
Bake Off had to issue a disclaimer on the recipe when it was presented that it was “used with Deborah’s custard.” And the moment was so big it became national news.
This is a bigger scandal than the time that Deborah stole Howard's custard !!! #GBBO pic.twitter.com/LFTyDBvX2C
— mike (@itsSchmike) August 27, 2014
Basically everyone is displaying custard, on top of custard, displayed with a decoration of custard with a topping of custard. Dipped in custard.
Every baker is currently sweating whilst whisking their custard to thicken.
Sandro next to a microwave: *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*
yes pls
Janusz is not only baking three different custards in his bake, he is also doing it in high heels.
Prue and Paul respond by laughing, thinking it was a joke.
Then over the next twenty seconds it becomes obvious that Janusz was completely serious.
Sandro is baking this showstopper in memory of a friend who encouraged him to send in an application for Bake Off. A lovely tribute.
Meanwhile Maxy’s tribute is to her father-in-law who passed away. She never had the chance to let him know that she made it into the tent.
Regardless of how well these bakes end up tasting, we all know for a fact that they would be very proud of them both.
A reminder: Nigella pronouncing it a “meecro-wav-away” was once nominated for a BAFTA.
And did I hear a mango being used as an ingredient? I did!
Sandro is surprising us all by saying that he is going to be using the microwave in helping him to set his custard.
That might have raised some eyebrows, but at least Noel Fielding has pronounced the kitchen device the right way … a “meecro-wav-away.”
never forget #gbbo pic.twitter.com/1kKD0vTRcI
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) October 25, 2022
Abdul is trying to get kudos by saying that he’s following a Paul Hollywood recipe, which no doubt gets him some brownie points, but also at the same time a lot of extra pressure to get it right.
Cocktail Week for Syabira. To be honest, after what she had to experience yesterday I don’t blame her!
This week’s showstopper challenge is… a set custard gateaux!
Well, that was an exceedingly long introduction to this week’s Showstopper by Prue and Paul. Honestly if they replaced it with: “we just want to have something that tastes really yummy” they would save us all so much time.
“Bake Off is tough. It’s tough. It’s BRUTAL.” says Prue.
Perhaps it is brutal because of the challenges being unnecessarily ruthless when they could do slightly simpler challenges and not penalise them for using a freezer? Just a thought.
The (Not So) Great British Bake Off
And now the official rankings (to which, if I was in charge, I would place the fridge and freezer at the bottom) 6. Syabira. 5. Janusz. 4. Abdul. 3. Kevin. 2. Maxy. 1. Sandro.
Well, that was infuriating. What do you all make of that? Were those criticisms deserved? Also, weird to have Syabira in the bottom when she was Star Baker just last week.
But it is such a delight to have Syabira being so optimistic despite so many setbacks: “there’s always a rainbow after the rain.”
Have to say, even though I am quite annoyed about the whole thing, the staggered start and end of the challenge does mean that everyone gets to watch and support each other’s technical, rather than worrying about their own.
Kevin’s ice cream has been criticised for melting too quickly, whilst Abdul’s is criticised for having a too brittle cone. When is a cone not brittle? They’re cones.
Maxy’s looks in a better shape, but only one scoop.
Paul is slightly disheartened that he hasn’t been given two scoops, as if he’s eight again and he’s just been let down by his Mum in front of an ice cream van.
And it’s getting even worse. Syabira’s ice cream has not set within the cone at all, turning the whole thing into a soup.
Sandro is now whispering a sad: “I’m sorry” to Syabira.
Janusz’s bake appears to have melted on the cone because of Freezergate, before properly falling apart after being presented to Paul and Prue.
Anyway, Paul and Prue are sitting backwards to the bakers. It looks and feels weird, like sitting backwards on a moving train.
And it appears that Prue’s Channel 4 contract stipulates that she gets paid by the innuendo now, hence comments that Sandro’s bake “managed to get two balls on” and that he has “filled the inside.”
And here we go … Syabira has checked the freezer and the temperature is at FOUR degrees celsius, which means that her ice cream may not be able to set.
This feels mean! There doesn’t appear to be much excess time for the bakers to cool their own creations, so many of them decided to use the freezer when the creme anglaise was warm, instead of the fridge. It also appears the bakers cannot use other freezers than the one that is closest to their workstations.
Are the bakers supposed to know where exactly they need to cool their creations? Kevin knows that you shouldn’t add creme anglaise to the freezer because it risks the temperature of the freezer, but Syabira and Abdul do not.
It feels weird to penalise them in this way when everyone is so up against the clock.
Abdul is having a nightmare making cones, burning each one even though he is taking less time over each.
They have also been added to the freezer. The omens here are not good, everyone.
Some of the bakers have now added warm creme anglaise to the freezer, instead of a fridge, but doing so risks raising the temperature of the freezer. That could cause their ice creams to not set when they are put in the freezer later on.
“Diana Baked Alaska Bin Alert Level” has been raised to HIGH ALERT.
It appears that none of the bakers know how to make ice cream, apart from Kevin who owns an ice cream machine at home.
Although he just broke the fourth wall after saying “I can do this.”
Good luck everybody!
Paul and Prue say that they are doing a staggered start time to make their judgements fair on the bakers. I also bet it is for them to avoid the worst brain freeze of their life.
It is time for the technical challenge… six pistachio and praline ice cream cones.
There’s also some twists! Firstly, there’s a considerable amount of time. Two hours and forty minutes in fact.
Oh and there’s a staggered start time. This has happened for souffles before, and the time that Yan presented her technical in the shape of a phallus #NeverForget
Never forget Yan #GBBO pic.twitter.com/BbRRd8ktwP
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) December 1, 2020
Poor Sandro. He’s so keen on a handshake, but the brandy overpowered his flavours.
Kevin’s prosecco has disintegrated the meringue, but to be honest everyone got good reviews this week.
Kevin at the bottom. And dare I say Sandro not that far behind? Unthinkable for him to be near the bottom only a few weeks ago, but it shows how much tighter competition is starting to get.
Abdul up next, who also receives rave reviews for his “absolutely delicious” floating island. His meringue could apparently be a bit more robust.
Maxy also has received compliments for her flavours, but the creme anglaise should have been a little thicker.
And it does look like Janusz has presented Paul and Prue a latte. To be honest, knowing how the technical challenges have gone so far in this series, at this rate they’re going to be asked to make a latte.
Now time for the Signature Challenge judging…
Starting with Syabira, after the joke that “it looks like a deep fried chicken,” Syabira just responded “and that is delicious as well.”
A cracking review. There are compliments for her flavours and her poached meringue.
Everyone’s bakes look like meringues taking a warm bath. Meanwhile Syabira seems to have presented the judges with a bowl of Weetabix.
Sandro complimenting Janusz: “I’m looking at that magic over there.”
*Two seconds later Janusz and Sandro makes a sound effect of a vampire*
yep, that’s all of them.
The fact that it takes so much effort to make custard is really not convincing me to make custard from scratch.
I mean, as if I was on the cusp of making my own custard.
Oh it appears everyone is trying to get Paul and Prue steaming this week, with Kevin adding prosecco into a sea of meringue.
Lol my prediction about Kevin baking a Loch wasn’t far off, actually!
For a moment it felt like Syabira was ignoring the challenge and was just making mojitos.
This is not a criticism.
HONK! Sandro wins the You Can Just Buy Custard in a Can competition in only 3 minutes 45 seconds.
Sandro: “I normally buy custard because it is easy to get a can.”
Prediction: Syabira will say that she has never heard of these before but will infuse her bake with her own essence. Sandro will bake 68 different combinations of custard even though he hasn’t been asked to because he just wants to impress the judges. Kevin will bake a Loch.
They have to bake… Floating Islands
Nope, it’s not the band (that’s Future Islands).
Noel Fielding: “The judges are looking for poached meringue on a sea of silky smooth creme anglaise.”
Me at home: “Oh, how eloquent!”
Matt Lucas: “The judges just want to see some beautifully presented floaters.”
Me at home: “Never mind…”
Syabira commented on her win: “I was wondering if I ever was going to be Star Baker. And once I get it I hope everyone else will get it as well.” ❤️
Fingers crossed for Kevin and Abdul, then.
Wow. No (usually really quite bad) opening skit for Bake Off this episode. Wonder why.
And as it is Custard Week, there will be a special award for whichever baker says something like “you can just buy custard at the shops” the fastest.
And our COMMENT OF THE WEEK for last week, my pick goes to this one, about Syabira’s spooktacular hanging Halloween spider.
Welcome to the Great British Bake Off Guardian liveblog. And … It’s Custard Week!
That’s right … Who will jiggle jiggle and then fold?
And will Custard Week join the list of “first ever” weeks never to be seen again, including Halloween Week (which was last week, even though Halloween is next week), Mexican Week, Japanese Week, German Week, ‘80s Week (I’ll stop now.)
The only thing that I can vividly remember about last week’s episode was that the UK government was collapsing and that Janusz on Bake Off was wearing high heels.
Oh, and the fact that Syabira not only got a handshake during the Signature, she also won the technical and got a Star Baker for the first time (so overdue, omg.)
This means that Maxy and Janusz are in the lead with two Star Bakers each and Sandro and Syabira have one each. Holding out for Scottish Kevin and Underdog Abdul.
But as we all know, it doesn’t matter how many good weeks you do, you only need to have one big wobble to be sent home, which seems all the more perilous during Custard Week. And as competition is particularly fierce (there is no difference between half of the remaining bakers) we are going to be saying goodbye to some very talented bakers sooner rather than later.
And in another new feature I’m calling BAKE OFF OFFENDS THE WORLD it appears that the s’mores technical challenge really went down badly with viewers in America this week.
I'm late but #GBBO making s'mores saying they need to be NEAT and putting them on DIGESTIVES with GANACHE two weeks after the abomination of Mexican Week is a full declaration of war on the Americas
— V for Vaughndetta (@gvaughnjoy) October 22, 2022
