Theo James has recounted what can only be described as a truly shitty date, sharing details of a romantic fling that ended with a “small turd” in his bathtub.
The actor, who stars in Guy Ritchie’s new Netflix series The Gentleman, recalled (and probably re-smelled) the first date during a recent panel discussion with Entertainment Weekly.
“[While at] university, I went on a date that I thought went pretty well,” James recounted during a game of Two Truths and A Lie, the spiritual cousin of Truth or Dare.
The actor assured fans the story is from a time when he was “young and dumb and full of fun” (is that how the saying goes?), long before he met his current wife, Ruth Kearney.
“We had some fun,” James recalled, “and in the morning… there was a present for me in the bath, and it was a small turd.”
Further details about the story — like what constitutes a “small turd” (are we talking pellets?), why the date ended in misplaced faeces (sleep-shitting?), or who the heck this iconic poop diva is (Murray Bartlett?) — were not revealed, much to the dismay of…well, maybe just me.
The actor and audience let out a chuckle while retelling the story, which shockingly was not invented for the purposes of Two Truths and A Lie. What was the other truth, you might ask? That his neighbour once took a piss in his sink, perhaps?
Nope, The White Lotus actor’s other revelation was that he is “a quarter Greek” — an admission far less interesting (and less stinky) than skid marks in the bathtub.
What James lied about was being related to Succession star Brian Cox, but by that point the audience was probably too wrapped up in poop (awful phrasing) to even decipher which story was a lie.
The tale has the faint whiff — pun intended — of The White Lotus’ first season, when Aussie castmate Bartlett, who played hotel manager Armond, also misplaced his poop; except that time it was in a guest’s luggage. We won’t spoil anything, but that also ended terribly.
Adding ‘the girl who pooped in Theo James’ bathtub’ to my dream blunt rotation.
Image source: Dave M. Benett/WireImage.
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