A forthcoming inquiry will investigate the Governor-General Whatsit McThingammy “acting on the advice of the government” to sign Scott Morrison into umpteen jobs.
Warning: acting on the advice of the government does not mean that the “government” has given “advice”.
It means that when some bloke who believes he’s the entire government advises you to do something without telling anybody in the actual government, you do it, advisedly.
Lawyers confirm that making Scott Morrison Multi-Mega-Minister was perfectly legal.
As US president Richard Nixon once said, “When the Governor-General does it, that means that it is not illegal.”
MORRISON TO HOLD RIVAL JOBS SUMMIT
Former minister for ministries, Scott “You Had One Job” Morrison, is planning his own Jobs Summit.
For himself, obviously.
Meanwhile, the Albanese government’s Job Summit has not invited extortionists, pickpockets, mountebanks, loan-sharks, swindlers, scamsters or the bosses of the four big banks.
However, the government invited people from the unions. A unionist explained: “All we said was, ‘Wouldn’t it be a terrible shame if this pretty summit met with an unfortunate accident?'”
Opposition Leader Peter Dutton is planning a Hatchet Job Summit.
NDIS LAWYER ONCE DREAMED OF NOT BEING A BLOODSUCKING GRUB
Lawyers protecting the NDIS from people with disabilities – especially children with disabilities – have expressed mournful and dribbling regrets.
One of the lawyers is an avid churchgoer. “I just pray to apologise.”
So far this year, the NDIA has paid lawyers $40 million to prove disability is not a thing.
Some of the money went to reserve the lawyers’ place in the Hell’s sewerage system.
Meanwhile, the cost of the NDIS will soon overtake spending on defence.
Which shows Australian society is working as it should.
RUSSIAN INVASION DOWNGRADED TO “BLITZKRIEG LITE”
Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is so crappy it’s looking like a special military operation.
Fortunately, Putin has found 137,000 army volunteers just hanging around outside the Kremlin.
After six months of “quick” war, a Russian opinion poll says Vladimir Putin’s popularity has soared to 83 percent.
The poll’s margin of error has been sent to Siberia.
In other news …
ALBANESE HONEYMOON LASTING SO LONG HE’S WALKING FUNNY
GOVT TO CUT EMISSIONS BY OPENING NEW OIL & GAS FIELDS
FINNISH PM SLAMMED FOR BEING YOUNG, HAVING FUN, LACKING PENIS
ALLEGED DRUG MASTERMIND CAUGHT HIDING ICE IN HEROIN
QANTAS ANNOUNCES $1.9B LOSS, BUT IS HOPEFUL THE BAG IT’S IN WILL TURN UP SOON
PRINCE CHARLES OLD ENOUGH TO BE HIS OWN MOTHER
