It’s a grubby job, but someone has to do it. There’s a House of Commons resolution dating back to 1688 that requires a new MP to be introduced by two current MPs at their swearing in. So all eyes were on who had drawn the short straw to stand with George Galloway.
One early contender had been the Tory MP David Davis, who takes his libertarian principles seriously. He may not like what you say, but he believes in your right to say it. But even he melted away after the prime minister’s deranged rant outside Downing Street on Friday evening. These days you can be found guilty of crimes against humanity in Rishi Sunak’s Conservative party for even thinking of observing parliamentary convention by coming to someone like Galloway’s aid. Davis has now been sent to the gulags for 20 years re-education.
The other MP who had been in the frame was Jeremy Corbyn. He and Galloway go back decades. Old muckers from way back. What could possibly go wrong?
“Oh, you meant this Monday at 2.30pm? I could have sworn you said next Monday. I am so, so sorry but I seem to be double booked.” That was more or less the message Jezza sent Galloway some time over the weekend. George didn’t seem entirely convinced by the sincerity of the apology. It seems that even long-term critics of Starmer’s Labour party have their breaking point. Being seen to endorse Galloway might not help Corbyn’s chances of re-election. George was doing his best not to let it get to him. He wasn’t a man who held grudges. Much.
Back to square one then. Wanted. Two MPs prepared to put principle before party. Step forward the Conservative MP Peter Bottomley. He had no skin in the game and as father of the house it fell to him to take one for the team. He would do it in the interests of democracy. Just so long as no one imagined he derived any pleasure from it. The Alba MP Neale Hanvey was a little more forthcoming. He had never met Galloway before. Might never speak to him again in the future. But the people of Rochdale had a right to be represented in parliament.
So straight after prayers, the three men stood in a line at the bar of the house. The clerk summoned Galloway, and Bottomley and Hanvey drifted back to the seats. Everyone else in the Commons waiting for the start of the levelling up departmental questions studied their phones diligently. Or put on the expression of someone doing their best to look as if they weren’t really there. This was dirty business. Something far, far beneath them.
Galloway strode forward. Without his trademark Fedora. He insists that he only wears the hat to hide the injuries he received when he was attacked in the street by a man wearing a T-shirt with an Israel Defense Forces logo. But the doctors have done a good job on him and there were no scars on show. So it’s just possible that the hat is also an affectation. George wouldn’t be the first MP to suffer from a surfeit of vanity. Wherever he goes, his giant ego is there before him. Like most narcissists, the only fool for whom he makes allowances – for whom he has a total blindspot – is himself.
It was all over in a matter of seconds. Galloway held the Bible in one hand and swore allegiance to the king. No cameo winks for the cameras. Just straightforward as if he meant it. Then he’s had a lot of practice. Over a 37-year political career he’s been MP for Glasgow Hillhead, Glasgow Kelvin, Bethnal Green and Bow, Bradford West and Rochdale. For three different parties. He is a man forever looking forward. Not one to indulge in remorse. Il ne regrette rien. Nor does he feel the need to make amends. Just move on and leave the wreckage to whoever follows. His primary loyalty always has been to himself.
For Sunak, Galloway’s byelection victory had been the end of days. Kiss goodbye to democracy. Though you might have thought he would have been thrilled. Finally he had a Public Enemy Number One. Someone on whom to pin all his extremist hate. George was Rish!’s acceptable face of Islamophobia. Dislike George and you would be given a free pass – a papal indulgence – on your hatred of all Muslims. Sunak’s pleas for a more open, inclusive society have always been decidedly one-sided. We all get to hate the foreigners Sunak wants us to hate.
And the thing is, there is a lot about Galloway to dislike. His self-importance is breathtaking. Most MPs suffer from an excess of self-regard, but George is off the scale. It has never crossed his mind that he is not right about everything. If there are angels – and George is Catholic so there certainly are – then they are on his side. Getting the order of primacy here is vital. In all things political – in all things spiritual – it is George who is doing God the favour here. Not the other way round. He’s barely even got time for the angels. Speak to the hand and all that.
But the reality is that Galloway owes his election to the success of the democratic system. Not its failure. Labour screwed up big time – they are the real villains here – and Rochdale would rather have Galloway or an independent than a Tory. Who could blame them. Democracy did not come undone. It triumphed. No one died. Rochdale got what it asked for. As it will at the next election when Galloway will probably be just a little wrinkle in history. In search of yet another constituency to disappoint.
Until then, it’s George Time. And he’s going to make the most of it. Worried he may not be able to get many opportunities to speak in parliament, he chose to hold court for a gaggle of hacks looking for a story on a slow news day. So the Ego had Landed. Was in its element. First boasting about how he was far brighter and had served far longer than either Sunak or Starmer. He may be right, though he should aim higher. Then setting out his campaign to get Rochdale its own postcode. That’s the last anyone will hear of this.
Next it was on to questions from the media. Here was his opportunity to settle scores and gratuitously insult whoever he liked. This was George living the dream. Sometimes he even forgets which side he’s on. Other than his own. He offers something for everyone on the extremes. Both the far right and far left can find something to love.
His party – the Workers’ Party of Britain (current membership into at least two figures) – would take out Angela Rayner and the Labour elite. He alone could save the UK in its hour of need. All other MPs were intellectual minnows. Israel had no right to exist in perpetuity. Neither did the UK. He alone was blessed with the truth. He wouldn’t admit to past mistakes because he had never made any.
Cue a couple of sideswipes at the BBC and GB News. Also Richard Tice. With Galloway you’re only ever a couple of law suits away from martyrdom. He was loving this. The presence of the media proved he still had it. He mattered. He was back. Though whether he would notice if there was no one there is another matter. For George the song always remains the same. My Song.
