There are two unforgivable crimes in this 17th-century heist caper based on the attempted robbery of King Charles II’s crown jewels by an Irish rebel. The first is that it manages to make an intriguing and little-known historical incident bland. The second is that it enlists some of the cream of British comedy – Al Murray in his stage debut, Neil Morrissey, Mel Giedroyc, Joe Thomas – and none of them manage to find a funny line between them. If there has to be a third, it is that it sets Carrie Hope Fletcher’s strong, beautiful voice to random, anodyne songs.
Directed by Sean Foley, it tells the story of Colonel Thomas Blood (Aidan McArdle), a notorious thorn in the side of the Stuart crown and government, who on 9 May 1671 attempted to purloin the jewels from the Tower of London, with Robert Perrot (Morrissey, who looks like a rocker in period dress), Blood’s son (Thomas, of The Inbetweeners fame) and an actor posing as his wife (Tanvi Virmani). Stabbing the keeper (also played by Murray), they are stopped by his son (Adonis Siddique), just back from Flanders. Extraordinarily, Blood was pardoned by the king and apparently served his days out as a spy for him.
