Late-show hosts cover various democracies in peril and a surprising new survey on Americans’ Christmas preferences.
Stephen Colbert
With just a week remaining until Christmas, Stephen Colbert addressed serious reports that many Americans would prefer burgers to turkey as their Christmas Day meal. “I’ve got to ask: if we eat burgers on Christmas, what are we going to eat on the Fourth of July?” The Late Show host asked on Tuesday evening. “This throws off the whole festive food calendar. I can’t eat burritos on Arbor Day!”
It’s not just burgers – 44% of survey respondents said they would prefer pizza, 38% picked tacos and 34% would choose Chinese takeout. “That 34% also celebrates Christmas by watching a movie and then lighting Hanukah candles,” Colbert joked.
The survey also found that 47% of Americans would prefer to spend all of Christmas Day in their pyjamas, rather than get dressed up. “OK, I just want to point out – you want to stay in what you slept in, avoid your family while eating tacos and pizza? That’s not Christmas, that’s clinical depression,” said Colbert.
In political news, Donald Trump held a press conference at Mar-a-Lago on Monday. “I’m not going to talk about it much, because I don’t want to and you can’t make me,” said Colbert. “As a matter of fact, I’m already done.”
Instead, he took a more global view. “It’s easy to get down about the potential collapse of democracy in America, but don’t forget to also get down about the potential collapse of democracy in other countries, too, especially among our allies,” he said. In the past month, the South Korean president was impeached, the French government fell, and Germany faced economic crisis and government collapse.
“Even our goody-two-shoes upstairs neighbors are having a rough run of it,” said Colbert, as Justin Trudeau endures political crisis. The prime minister is now deeply unpopular, as Canadians have grown frustrated with the rising cost of living and concerns around immigration. “Welcome to the club,” Colbert said in costume as Joe Biden. “Just pardon your son, get the hell out of there and then buy a couple of drones and fly them around the airport, have a great time.”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers approached reports that Robert F Kennedy Jr, Trump’s appointment for health and human services secretary, was spotted working out at an Equinox gym in tight jeans and hiking boots. “And if you think that’s weird, wait until you hear every single other thing about him,” Meyers laughed.
In a post on Truth Social last week, Trump claimed that he wants to end daylight savings time, “while his adviser Stephen Miller just wants to end daylight”, Meyers joked, referring to Trump’s hardline anti-immigration staffer.
According to a new survey, 83% of Republicans support Kennedy’s proposal to mandate nutrition education in federally funded schools – “a revolutionary idea that they can’t believe no one thought of before”, Meyers deadpanned next to an image of Michelle Obama during her school nutrition initiative as first lady.
The survey also found that 74% of Americans support Kennedy’s proposal to ban some food additives, including certain food dyes. “So get ready, kids, for the new flavor of Jolly Ranchers: plain!” Meyers quipped.
