Glastonbury is just around the corner, which means the stress of choosing which artists to see – and when – is truly upon us.
And as ever, the job has been made even harder by some truly gnarly set clashes.
Should you see Romy or Nia Archives? Burna Boy or Ghetts? We’ve rounded up some of the worst scheduling rivalries in the interests of helping make the decision-making process that little bit easier. You’re welcome.
Friday
Sugababes vs The Vaccines vs Romy
When? 4.55pm, West Holts Stage vs 4.30pm, Woodies vs 4.30pm, Levels
A triple booking to kick things off! One of the industry’s earliest (and some would argue best) girl bands will be kicking off the action on Friday afternoon at the same time as indie rockers The Vaccines. And what’s this? Former The xx band member turned electronic dance star Romy is also playing at the same time!
While competition is fierce, the Sugababes almost shut down the Avalon stage last time they performed at Glasto in 2022, so expect big things this time around. Plus, Romy is playing a second time, too: go see her at Woodsies at 8pm on Sunday instead.
Jamie xx vs Jungle
When? 10.30pm, Woodsies vs 10.15pm, West Holts Stage
Romy’s bandmate, Jamie xx, will also be rocking his particular brand of electronic music at Woodsies at Friday night and officially kick starting the weekend of debauchery. But he’s got stiff competition from British dance music duo Jungle, who’ll also be playing. Though he just wrapped up a residency at London’s Venue MOT Unit 8, it has been a while since Jamie xx took on a festival in the UK, and with The xx apparently working on new material, his schedule could end up getting quite busy soon – so maybe seize this chance to go see him solo while you can.
PJ Harvey vs Arlo Parks
When? 6pm, Pyramid Stage vs 6pm, Woodsies
A kick in the teeth for the sad indie rockers! Artist extraordinaire PJ Harvey (whose last record I Inside the Old Year Dying got rave reviews, including a 5 star write-up from the Standard) will be taking to the stage at the same time as singer-songwriter Arlo Parks, whose tracks often feel more like poetry than song.
IDLES vs Fontaines D.C.
When? 10:15pm, Other Stage vs 11pm, the Park Stage
One of the Glastonbury schedulers has some serious explaining to do: go see the angry punk band IDLES play their biggest stage yet at Glastonbury? Or venture to the Park Stage to see the Irish experimental band Fontaines DC ahead of the release of their latest album Romance? They’ll likely be playing some brand new tracks too – an agonising choice.
Saturday
Tems vs Cyndi Lauper
When? 2.15pm, The Other Stage vs 2.30pm, the Pyramid Stage
What to do if you’re a gal (or guy) who just wants to have fun? Cyndi Lauper will be making her Glastonbury debut on Saturday (after 40 years in the music business!) at the same time as the Nigerian R&B superstar Tems. Although this one ultimately depends on your personal taste, it feels rude to pass up the chance to see Cyndi – and Tems will be playing All Points East a few weeks later in August.
Lankum vs Secret Set
When? 6pm, The Park Stage vs 6pm, Woodsies
When a secret set is involved, things always get a little spicy. So it proves here: contemporary Irish folk music group and token 2023 Mercury Prize oddballs Lankum will be rocking out at the Park Stage at the very same moment a highly anticipated secret set kicks off in Woodsies. Chance it with the mystery reveal or stick with the gig you know? The choice is yours.
Yard Act vs The Breeders vs Little Simz vs English Teacher
When? 7:30pm, Woodsies vs 7:30pm, The Park
A legendary four-way clash! This time, it’s British indie band Yard Act, who’ll be facing off against American alt-rockers The Breeders… only for that already awkward clash to come up against Little Simz, one of the UK’s best rappers (and actors, if you haven’t seen her in Top Boy) and up and coming band English Teacher.
It’s a painful one, that again depends on your personal tastes… though if we had to pick, it would probably be Little Simz.
Sleaford Mods vs Orbital
When? 9pm, Woodsies vs 9:15pm, the Park Stage
They’re here and they’re angry: the post-punk duo Sleaford Mods will be laying waste to society at Woodsies, but they’ve got competition in the form of Orbital. This electronic music duo (consisting of brothers Phil and Paul Hartnoll) will be at the Park Stage on the other side of the festival at the same time. Choose your fighter.
Jessie Ware vs Gossip vs Coldplay
When? 10.15pm, West Holts vs 10.30pm, Woodsies vs 9.45pm, the Pyramid Stage
What do you do when the headliners come up against some other, equally excellent acts? You get the Saturday night conundrum: musician-turned-podcaster Jessie Ware enjoying her career renaissance at West Holts, punky American band Gossip over at Woodsies and then Coldplay at the Pyramid stage. Though let’s be honest, the amount of times Coldplay have played Glastonbury, is it really such a nightmare to miss out on them this time around?
Sunday
Burna Boy vs Ghetts
When? 7.30pm, the Pyramid Stage vs 7.30pm, the Park Stage
The Nigerian singer-songwriter Burna Boy has one of the most coveted slots at Glasto – Sunday eve, second from the top, at the Pyramid Stage. Given his knack for putting on unforgettable live shows, there are sure to be fireworks. But he’s up against Ghetts, the British grime MC and rapper. It’s a tough one!
SZA vs The National
When? 9.30pm, the Pyramid Stage vs 9.45pm, the Other Stage
Another headline clash, will we ever be free of them? This one involves American R&B artist SZA, who’ll be making her Glasto debut as the Pyramid Stage’s Sunday headliner, and sad-dads The National, who will doubtless attract a solid crowd of divorced men in obscure band t-shirts. A tragedy!
Avril Lavigne vs Janelle Monáe
When? 6pm, the Other Stage vs 5.45pm, the Pyramid Stage
The old vs the new! The original pop-punker is at Glastonbury for the first time ever, kicking off her Greatest Hits tour in style. But then again, Janelle Monáe, whose fluid musical tastes has led from electronica to pop and back again, is also playing at the same time – and is sure to be a treat.
Nia Archives vs Romy
When? 8pm, West Holts vs 8pm, Woodsies
Back to dance music – and poor Romy can’t catch a break. Her second set at Glasto (at Woodsies no less) sees her up against jungle icon Nia Archives, who will no doubt be setting West Holts ablaze with tracks from her recent album Silence is Loud. Are there any good solutions to this one?
