You know when you go through the security bit at the airport and you immediately become hyper-paranoid, like wait maybe I have a secret gun in my bag? Even though I’ve never once owned a gun or considered owning a gun? That paranoia is how I feel about The Bachelors Australia after all this hoo-ha with shifting launch dates and a very suspicious January 9 premiere.
Not that I think The Bachelors Australia
Hunger GamesLOVE THE GC I BEGThe BachelorsThe BachelorsYou just know this fella is responsible for the tyre tracks across pop’s paddockTruly, the perfect acrylics right hereHello I am Mr Businessman, busy doing businessman things like holding briefcases and taking loud phone calls on the busThe BachelorsThe BachelorsIt wouldn’t be Bachie without buttsThe drums stay in bed with us, sweetiedo we have to open themI have so many interior design questions for this placeHow dare a woman not want to date meah yes, we’re 15 minutes in and it’s already time for the horny datedid you stash the rose in your pants orBring Anna back or we riotyes king give us literally zeroSnacks over whatever was in those dacksis it quicker to parkour over this rose bush wallThe Bachelors*hugs in dissasociation*FINALLY my horny date day is hereOkay Jed, you got me. But you have NO MORE CHANCESNo one will regret this at allWatching this man’s ego inflate and deflate in real timeThe side eye on this bitch, let’s do Dog Bachelor next she needs her time in the sunWill a real baby come out I’m not ready to be a fatherThe BachelorsMake her Bachelorette, put her on Love Island, put her everywhere on the TVThe Bachelors Australiayou can HEAR this photoThe Bachelors Australia.Melissa is a freelance writer and wisened old witch-hag who lives in the forest. From her limited wifi she sometimes posts on Instagram and TikTok.
