Who needs a drink? Well quite. I’m off to try to make sense of the most bonkers day yet in a series already full of them. Jim Wallace will be here in the morning; please join him. Thanks for all your emails, goodnight!
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Here’s the relevant law
33.3 Making a catch The act of making a catch shall start from the time when the ball first comes into contact with a fielder’s person and shall end when a fielder obtains complete control over both the ball and his own movement.
In that context, it’s a fair decision from the third umpire Marais Erasmus. As a few of you (and my colleague Simon Burnton) have pointed out, Green (v India) and Smith (Root in the first innings) seemed to have their fingers under the ball in a way Starc didn’t. But both Andrew Strauss and Ricky Ponting think it was a fair catch. When did absolutely everything get so complicated?
On Sky Sports, Andrew Strauss says
a) he thinks it was a fair catch by Starc, though he was sloppy by landing with the ball pressed down
b) it’s the most surreal day of Test cricket he’s seen in many a year, maybe ever.
Stumps: England need a further 257 runs to win
That’s the end of a unique, often bizarre day. England redefined Bodyline in the afternoon session, when 98 per cent of their deliveries were short of a length, and Nathan Lyon came out to bat even though he could barely walk.
Australia eventually set England a target of 371. It looked seriously difficult at the start and utterly impossible when they lost four early wickets to some devastating fast bowling. Ben Duckett and Ben Stokes took the game into a fifth day, although Duckett had a controversial reprieve just before the close.
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31st over: England 114-4 (Duckett 50, Stokes 29) Green bowls the last over of the day to Stokes, who continues to jump away from anything short. As Nasser says on Sky, it’s harder to duck because of his knee so instead he has to back away. He does feel for one gruesome delivery that trampolines past the edge, but he survives. Stumps.
30th over: England 114-4 (Duckett 50, Stokes 29) Apparently the laws say you have to be in control of the ball and your body. Ricky Ponting, on Sky Sports, thinks Smith’s catch to dismiss Root was more debatable than this one, and I can see his point because Smith was skittering all over the place. Ach, I don’t know. Duckett is still in, and he and Stokes get through another over from Starc.
29th over: England 113-4 (Duckett 50, Stokes 28) We’ll hear a lot more about this I’m sure. A month ago I’d have said it was definitely not out because the ball seemed to be pressed against the ground, but it was so similiar to those other two catches I mentioned.
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Duckett was almost off the field, and he only turned round when he heard the boos from the crowd. This is really strange, because similar catches by Green (v India) and Smith (Root in the first innings) were given.
DUCKETT IS NOT OUT!
The crowd started booing as soon as they saw the replay on the big screen. Starc took the catch cleanly but then pressed the ball against the ground as he landed. But were his fingers under the ball? He seems to think so.
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WICKET! England 113-5 (Duckett c Starc b Green 50)
Another bizarre dismissal in a game full of them. Duckett tried to uppercut Green over the off side but somehow – and I will never, ever know how – managed to toe-end the ball behind him and down towards fine leg. Starc charged round the boundary and swooped to take a superb two-handed catch.
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28th over: England 112-4 (Duckett 50, Stokes 27) Duckett pulls Starc for a single to reach an admirable half-century: 62 balls, six fours. It’s been an innings rich in intelligence, skill and courage.
Stokes slams a short ball not far short of extra cover and grimaces, either at the shot, his knee or both. Looks like he’s decided to take on the short ball, because the next ball is swivel-pulled imperoiously for four. We saw that shot so many times in Stokes’ peak years.
In terms of executing their skills (forget the previous three days and the debate over their short-ball barrage), England have actually played really well today. But that devastating new-ball burst from Starc and Cummins has almost certainly settled the match and series.
“Mike Brearley’s theory was that England’s style is a fierce, heartening howl in the face of depression,” says Tom Wein. “It has certainly had some of that effect on me over the past year, and watching the hope of it ebb away has coincided with a grim old day. What then does it cost someone like Stokes for this defining effort to falter, maybe even fail altogether, even while his body seems to be giving way too? I hope he gets all the support in the world in the months to come.”
Indeed. I’m probably reaching but he has seemed a bit detached in this series, with a slight sadness in his eyes. It wouldn’t surprise me if he retired young, like Graeme Smith.
27th over: England 106-4 (Duckett 49, Stokes 22) A brutish short ball from Green is gloved up in the air by Stokes, with the ball landing safely on the off side. Stokes thought he was out – he said “Oh no” at the point of contact, a bit like Eoin Morgan in the 2019 World Cup final. Unlike Morgan, he got away with it.
Stokes looks a bit uncomfortable against Green all of a sudden, and he’s beaten outside off stump later in the over. A maiden.
26th over: England 106-4 (Duckett 49, Stokes 22) More ironic cheers as Stokes brings up the England hundred. Duckett, who is flying now, back cuts Starc for another boundary – his fourth in the last 11 balls I think. Given the circumstances, this might be his best Test innings to date.
“So,” says Matt Dony, “are we just discounting the idea that Duckett, Stokes, Bairstow and Broad might bring this home in a measured, calm style?”
25th over: England 99-4 (Duckett 43, Stokes 21) Time for Cameron Green, whose dismissal of Ollie Pope started England’s first-innings collapse, to come into the attack. Duckett deals with a couple of bouncers and then laces an extra-cover drive for four. That’s a lovely shot, which brings up the fifty partnership.
Duckett, who received plenty of criticism for his interviews on Thursday evening, has shown a helluva lot of character in this innings. He moves into the forties with a crisp back cut for four more.
“Dearest Smiffie,” says Robert Wilson. “Absolutely dismaying news about Allan Border, though his take on his plight is typically courageous and open-eyed. When I was a youngling, Border was the only player who came close to Viv Richards in the how to model manhood department.
“I’ll never forget the first time I saw him in the flesh. His first match for Essex, at a suicidally wintry Fenners in April. Between the avalanches and blizzards, Border walked out to bat ten feet away from me, wearing every jumper in England, a chunky, indomitable dynamo. As the frozen pigeons fell out of the sky, he knocked out a pugilistic 80 odd (probably just to keep himself warm).
“I remember being struck by his remarkable physical presence. It wasn’t that he looked strong, he looked like he had his own private gravitational field. Somehow, it makes this news harder to bear.”
You’re doubtless aware of Trinidad 1984 – but if not, look at this scorecard for the rest of the evening, and marvel at the bloke in the red ink.
24th over: England 90-4 (Duckett 35, Stokes 21) “It might not be fair but I fear if England get a shellacking this series then the Bazball era will be remembered as a hubristic failure,” says Max Williams. “England in 2022 is one of the great sporting series but unfortunately the Ashes will always be the Real Quiz.
“Not a perfect analogy but it’s a bit like a boxer winning a series of thrilling fights only to get flattened in the title shot - after showboating in the early rounds. Those victories of the past year will forever bear the caveat: ‘yes, but...’
“This Ashes was always destined to be the climax of the Bazball story. The Ashes are the climax of the story of every England team. This one seems to be heading towards 2013-14 rather than 2005.”
So England are Prince Naseem Hamed? I like that analogy (and yes I know Barrera didn’t actually flatten Naz.)
23rd over: England 86-4 (Duckett 35, Stokes 17) I need to stop looking at the emails, I’m missing the action. Starc’s goes around the wicket to Duckett, who pulls neatly round the corner for four. That’s an excellent shot, really well controlled.
Australia have gone off the boil, which I suppose is understandable after such an exhilarating start. They won the match in the first 13 overs of England’s innings; now they have to do the admin. I don’t think they’ll finish it tonight.
22nd over: England 78-4 (Duckett 29, Stokes 17) Duckett charges Head and dumps a boundary over mid-on. He’s played well this evening in pretty brutal circumstances.
“Some of the wailing and gnashing of teeth is getting a bit much,” says Will Vignoles. “England will lose this game and with it probably the series, but it’s a bit early to call a 5-0 isn’t it? England nearly won last week despite being under par and as you said threw away a series of good positions this game which they earned with good cricket. Criticism of the approach in the last couple of days is clearly justified, and if Vish Ehantharajah is to believed, shared by the management. But some of what I’ve read from people is like they’ve only won one out of 19 or something. Maybe let’s let them lose the series before declaring the death of English cricket once again.”
I take all your points. But even Michael Vaughan said that, had Australia sneaked home at Edgbaston in 2005, he thinks it would have ended 5-0 because England would have been broken. They look completely shot, and if Australia don’t switch off I think there is a good chance of it ending 5-0. Not saying it will, but it would be naive to dismiss it as a possibility.
It doesn’t mean the death of English cricket, but it does mean the premature death of a team that have given us so much joy and would have joined the immortals had they won and maybe even drawn this series. Instead they will probably be remembered – and I don’t think this fair at all – as a bunch of frauds. They have five Tests in India early next year, and they were always going to get hammered there. That means a lot of these players will never win a big Test series again, which is genuinely sad given all the hope at the start of the summer.
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21st over: England 71-4 (Duckett 24, Stokes 15) Starc returns to the attack. He has a Bodyline field for Duckett, orthodox for Starc. A quiet over, one from it.
“So much chatter about whether or not England should drop Bazball,” says Alistair Kitchen, “and not enough recognition that they haven’t played Bazball since some point in the first Test. What was supposed to be a philosophy of equanimity and joy is being presented as one of ego and stubbornness.”
I’m increasingly fascinated about when, where, why and how they mislaid the plot. That New Zealand tour is the prime suspect. It’s sad that a team who achieved such extraordinary things will be remembered for turning into a weird hybrid of an art project and a dirty protest.
20th over: England 70-4 (Duckett 23, Stokes 15) A nice shot from Stokes, who drives Head sweetly over long on for six. Duckett gets away with one later in the over, top-edging a slog sweep that drops short of Green in the deep.
19th over: England 60-4 (Duckett 20, Stokes 8) Stokes is playing an orthodox defensive innings, as he did first time round. I’d love to hear his internal monologue right now. He works a single off the pads to move to 8 from 24 balls.
Australia are already on the brink of retaining the men’s and women’s Ashes. You can follow the latter with Daniel Gallan.
18th over: England 57-4 (Duckett 19, Stokes 6) Travis Head, a useful offspinner, replaces Josh Hazlewood, who bowled an okay spell of 5-0-20-0. Not sure we’ll see Hazlewood at Headingley, though Australia could probably open the bowling with Ray Shoesmith and still win. They have broken England’s spirit in this game.
Head appeals unsuccessfully for LBW when Duckett pushes around a quicker delivery. Missing leg.
“Brook’s approach to Test cricket has been exposed as so stupid & simplistic one has the impression he will be satisfied to have gotten out with a strike rate above 100,” writes Andrew Hurley. “I’m not even joking… it sums them up under Stokes.”
Personally I think that’s a bit OTT, and unfair on a kid whose head will be in the shed right now, but it does seem increasingly clear that the team lost the run of themselves during or after the New Zealand series earlier in the year. It’ll make a great book one day, a Shakespearean tragedy in cricketing form.
17th over: England 55-4 (Duckett 18, Stokes 5) Stokes turns Cummins through the legs of Labuschagne at short leg. I’m not sure whether it carried or not. He’s beaten later in the over, pushing at a delivery angled across him. Still 65 minutes plus a potential extra half hour to go.
“What was that line of Mike Tyson’s?” muses Tony Hunter. “Everyone’s got a plan till they get punched in the face.”
Quite. And as in the 1974-75 Ashes, I fear England will regret landing the first punch.
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16th over: England 52-4 (Duckett 16, Stokes 4) Hazlewood has started to bomb Duckett, who hooks a single to bring up England’s fifty. It’s met with sarcastic cheers. We’re back to gallows humour are we? Nice one.
Stokes waves a confident drive for two more. He has 4 from 15 balls, Duckett 16 from 28.
Cricket: a funny old game, part XVIX. On Thursday, England batted scandalously and were 278-4; today they have done almost nothing wrong and are 52-4.
15th over: England 49-4 (Duckett 15, Stokes 2) “As Cummins and Starc roared in after England’s 80mph bumpers,” says Gary Naylor, “I couldn’t help think of this scene.”
Drinks
“Bazball is so easy until you meet a good side,” says Michael Ord. “If the coach doesn’t rethink after this and if nobody is asking questions about the approach then Glenn McGrath’s 5-0 looks ever more likely.”
This isn’t Bazball, it’s an extreme and now broken version. The sooner people realise that, the sooner I can stop prattling on about it. The England of last year would have won at Edgbaston and might well be on course to win here, given the enormous advantages they have had with conditions and Nathan Lyon’s injury. Don’t forget they chased nearly 400 against an Indian attack that included Jasprit Bumrah.
I agree about the 5-0 though; there’s a real chance of it now, a kind of sick payback for 2005. The purpose of Australia’s visit to England this summer was legacy, specifically the World Test Championship and winning a series over here. But they are in such a ruthless frame of mind that I can’t see them easing off as they did, for example, in 2019.
14th over: England 49-4 (Duckett 15, Stokes 2) Stokes takes a very tight single down the ground, and Duckett has to strain his hamstring to make it home safely. There are still around 80 minutes’ play remaining, with the potential for the extra half-hour, so Australia could get this done tonight and have 18 holes tomorrow.
“The clatter of stumps – that’s really entertaining Test cricket!” says Rosie Mitchell. “(Writing from Glasgow, so a neutral observer here, but didn’t Scotland do well!)”
There’s nothing like it.
13th over: England 46-4 (Duckett 14, Stokes 1) Stokes pushes the last ball for a single. Make a note: the 13th over of England’s second innings at Lord’s in 2023. It’s one of the greatest in Ashes history.
As the commentators noted, Brook was nervous about getting forward because of the bouncer threat. But it was such a good delivery that it would probably have cleaned him up anyway. England’s top order were a shambles in the first innings; tonight they have done very little wrong. Australia have been electric.
Harry Brook has been cleaned up by another mighty delivery! He drove the previous ball for four, though Cummins almost caught it in his follow through. No matter: the next ball was an absolute snorter that growled off the seam to beat Brook’s tentative defensive poke and thud into the off stump.
Australia are going to win a series in England for the first time since 2001. And the legend of Pat Cummins’ Yorkie-busting over will be told forever more. There’s still one ball to go too.
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WICKET! England 41-4 (Brook b Cummins 4)
This is an over for the ages from Pat Cummins!
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WICKET! England 41-3 (Root c Warner b Cummins 18)
Joe Root has been bounced out! No batsman error here, just sensational, hostile fast bowling from Pat Cummins. He smacked Root on the arm with a beautiful bumper, then followed up with another that had the satnav set to Root’s windpipe. Root instinctively fenced it to first slip, where Warner took a comfortable catch.
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12th over: England 41-2 (Duckett 14, Root 18) Root is beaten, trying to steer a ball from Hazlewood that comes back between bat and pad. He’s looking good though
“Hi Rob, Matt and Louise here, Aussies keeping up with the game from the French Riviera. I read a lot of columns before the game about the Starc selection, and through some of it was the notion that Starc doesn’t offer as much with the new ball as Pat or Josh (in terms of averages and the inconsistency of his swing with it). Do you think that there’s something to be said for Starc’s effectiveness at producing uncertainty with the new ball? As in, on any given delivery he might swing it half a metre or half an inch? I have to say that in my third-rate grade cricket days I’d have slightly preferred to face anyone else but Starc.”
I’m sure there is, and the threat is even greater because he’s a left-armer. I’d be surprised if his performance here in the World Cup, especially against England, wasn’t a factor in selection. Either way, it was an inspired decision. His jaffa to Stokes yesterday morning was arguably the most important moment of the match.
11th over: England 37-2 (Duckett 12, Root 17) Cummins replaces Starc, who blew up England’s runchase with a spell of 5-0-17-2. Duckett is beaten by a delivery that straightens sharply from round the wicket, then shovels a short ball off the hip for a single. He’s playing sensibly, and I have no idea whether that’s a good thing or not.
10th over: England 35-2 (Duckett 11, Root 16) Root opens the face to steer Hazlewood between the slips and gully for four. He’s playing a different game to the other England batters, as he has all series when not acting the goat.
Root is surprised by some more extra bounce from Hazlewood, though he plays it well and it was a no-ball anyway.
“Something very cinematic about the Australian bowlers,” writes Max Williams. “Starc looks like a bandit menacing a frontier town. Cummins is the clean-cut sheriff who must face him down. Unfortunately the England batsman are playing the role of extras gunned down in the crossfire. It’s high noon and there’s nowhere to run.”
You’ve been bingewatching Bonanza again, haven’t you.
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9th over: England 28-2 (Duckett 10, Root 10) Root knows how dangerous Starc is when the new ball is swinging, so he’s only interested in low-risk singles for now. Likewise Duckett, and Starc’s fifth over passes without alarm for England.
“Hi Rob,” says Mark Palmer. “Sitting outside Brussels Midi waiting for train back to London with a cold Leffe blonde in my hand. Basil D’Oliviera also batted with a calf injury, Worcestershire v Kent in a one-day final in 1973. He scored 40-odd in an heroic attempt to win game before getting out.”
8th over: England 26-2 (Duckett 10, Root 9) Josh Hazlewood replaces Cummins, who bowled a muted first spell of 3-0-7-0. His first ball is too straight and touched to fine leg for four by Root.
There’s some uneven bounce, ominous for England, later in the over. Root is hit on the glove before playing and missing at one that keeps low.
7th over: England 23-2 (Duckett 10, Root 5) Starc took nine wickets in two games at Lord’s in the 2019 World Cup, including a classic inswinger that trapped Joe Root LBW. I’m sure that influenced his selection for this game.
Root deals with an inswinger well, clipping to midwicket, and then works the first of three singles in the over. Australia have a point sweeper for Root, a debatable tactic given the match situation and how much Starc is swinging it. Pat Cummins has earned the right to post five sweepers if he likes.
“G’day Rob,” says Chris Paraskevas. “Just ticking past 1.30am down under and I have the perfect, two-word solution to the chaos, identity crisis and cultural schism caused by Bazball: Chris Tavaré.
“The sport has strayed too far from the principles and values espoused by the Oxford grad. Enough with the early declarations, teal tracksuits and sleeve tatts: knuckle down, get your forward defensive (leave outside off) sorted, and proceed to simply occupy the crease for the next millennium.”
There are certainly players in England who can bat that way. In the round of county games this week, Dom Sibley made an 18-ball duck. Haseeb Hameed fared a lot better; he made a 19-ball duck. If you include the second innings, between them they made 1 run from 68 balls. I’d still have one of them in the team, and I’m not joking.
6th over: England 19-2 (Duckett 9, Root 3) It’s rare that a spell from Pat Cummins feels like filler, but at the moment everyone is waiting for Mitchell Starc’s next over. Duckett waves Cummins through mid-on and comes back for a second, which suggests his hamstring can’t be too bad. Yet.
“I sort of hope England win this bowling this way,” says Linton Duffin. “It is so utterly boring and without any other redeeming features that if they don’t they’ll have ruined the game pointlessly.
“Watching it is compelling for only one reason - to see how committed England are to making the sport unwatchable.”
Australia aren’t exactly pacifists in the bouncer war, even if England did take it to new, absurd levels today.
5th over: England 16-2 (Duckett 7, Root 2) Many of us queried Starc’s inclusion ahead of Boland, given conditions on the first day. We’re not querying it now: he has taken five vital wickets in the match, all top-order batters. He needs Duckett and Bairstow today for the full set.
Before Pope was bowled, I was about to type that Ben Duckett appears to have a hamstring problem after that quick single in the previous over. As Mike Atherton says on Sky, goodness knows what XIs we’ll see when the Headingley Test starts on Friday.
WICKET! England 13-2 (Pope b Starc 3)
Pick that out! Ollie Pope is cleaned up by a monstrous inswinger from Mitchell Starc that sends middle stump flying. It’s a classic left-armer’s dismissal, utterly exhilarating, and Starc growls with delight. Blistering stuff from Australia.
🚨 WICKET 🚨
— Sky Sports Cricket (@SkyCricket) July 1, 2023
Mitchell Starc bowls Ollie Pope with a astonishingly fast swinging delivery pic.twitter.com/bWRlMC861u
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4th over: England 13-1 (Duckett 6, Pope 3) The new ball is doing a bit so Australia are going in for the kill, with no off-side sweeper for Ollie Pope. After a few solid defensive strokes, Pope steals a quick single on the off side. Runratewatch: 3.25 per over.
“I wrote a two-line play called ‘Bazball’,” writes Max Fischer Niall Mullen.
Brendon McCullum: ‘You are all individuals’
England team: ‘Yes, we are all individuals’
Fin
This game could be fin tonight if England aren’t careful.
3rd over: England 12-1 (Duckett 6, Pope 2) Ollie Pope, in at No3 despite his injury, flicks a Starc inswinger to deep midwicket for a single. You don’t want to miss those.
“We know how this is going to go, don’t we?” says Ben Heywood. “I do recall back in 2019 writing in to state that evidence-free belief in the impossible is why we watch sport in the first place, the carrot of hope dangling ever microns out of reach. The thing is, after watching England chase down mammoth totals in Tests and one dayers over the last few years, not to mention THAT innings, and we England fans are now not just watching with forlorn hope but it’s much more dangerous cousin - semi-expectant hope (that sentence ended rather better in my first mental draft).
“What I mean is, we’ve seen England do this before. We’ve seen Stokes do this before. We know that on a flat pitch and with no frontline spinner to face, they could do it. Maybe should do it. Which is obviously counter-intuitive to any long-time England fan’s way of thinking. The misery will be complete therefore when we are swished out for 170. I love/hate Test cricket and will watch through my fingers. Getting drunk. Permission for bottom lip to wobble, sir?”
Permission granted in perpetuity.
Duckett is not out!
My word, it did too much. It was a stunning outswinger to the left-hander that beat Duckett’s outside edge and thudded into the back pad. Duckett reviewed more in hope than expectation, but he got a break when the technology showed it would have missed off stump.
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England review! Duckett LBW b Starc 5 This looks out to me.
WICKET! England 9-1 (Crawley c Carey b Starc 3)
Zak Crawley is caught down the leg side! He flicked at an errant, swinging delivery from Starc and tickled it to the left of Carey, who swooped to take another excellent catch. Crawley walks off chuntering to himself – not at the decision, but at himself and probably Dame Fortune. And Mother Cricket can have a bit as well. And what’s Colonel Sanders’ problem?
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2nd over: England 9-0 (Crawley 3, Duckett 5) I suppose it’s fitting, after all the fourth-innings excitement last year, that England’s Ashes hopes should come down to a death-or-glory runchase. Win and we can all set the DeLorean to August 2005; lose and the most exciting England team we have ever seen will probably start to unravel.
Cummins’ first over is pretty quiet. Crawley times one stroke nicely off the pads, but the presence of a legside sweeper – who doubles up as a catcher now that a bouncer war is underway – saves three runs.
“Is Bazball,” begins Upender, “a consequence of the playing style philosophy shtick that permeates through football, in which some very average teams keep playing their own way come what may?”
I think it predates that – New Zealand were Bazballing almost a decade ago.
1st over: England 6-0 (Crawley 1, Duckett 4) The first ball of the innings is an off-side wide (on line, not length). It’s a mixed over from Starc – and he has Duckett dropped off the last ball. Duckett edged a sharp back-of-a-length to the left of gully, where Green couldn’t hang on to a tough diving chance. I say ‘tough’; by his standards this summer it was a dolly. All he could do was help it on its way to the boundary.
It’ll be Starc to Crawley, with three slips and three men out on the hook. Now that’s what I call an in/out field.
Here come the players. It sounds absurd but I reckon Australia won’t be unhappy if the score is 50-0 after 15 overs. They know a flying start, 100-0 off 20, is England’s only real chance of winning.
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“As one who’s practically housebound through sciatica and arthritis, I feel for both Lyon and England’s fielders and their pain,” writes John Starbuck. “It makes me wonder when Lord’s will officially be declared a health hazard?”
I forgot to say thanks for all the emails. I’m miles behind on them – I swear I could multi-task a lot better 15 years ago – so if yours isn’t published it’s probably because I haven’t had chance to read it. I swear.
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Teatime reading
For those in or near London, there’s a one-man cricket play on at the Arcola Theatre. I haven’t been able to get to London to see it, but two friends of the OBO have given it very favourable reviews.
reviews: DUCK, Arcola Theatre https://t.co/zKbcfM2Rxx
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) June 30, 2023
Tea
That was the strangest session. England redefined Bodyline – 98 per cent of their deliveries were short - and the game ground to a halt as a consequence.
This is simply mindboggling! 😯#ENGvsAUS #Ashes23 pic.twitter.com/nPHQaOJf7J
— Rajneesh Gupta (@rgcricket) July 1, 2023
Australia, who would ideally have been pushing for a declaration scored 57 for five in 27.4 overs. They tried to stick; that didn’t work. Nor did twisting.
As a result England need 371 to win, which would be their second highest runchase. They have a slugger’s chance, no more or less.
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WICKET! Australia 279 all out (Lyon c Stokes b Broad 4)
Lyon swivel-pulls Broad for four! Huge cheers all around Lord’s, and just about the only person not smiling is Lyon. He grimaces with pain, swallows a bit of saliva and then takes guard again.
England continue to bowl everything short at Lyon, a weird tactic given the presence of three bloody stumps he can’t defend. Anderson runs over to Broad, presumably to tell him to pitch the bloody thing up. Fat chance: Broad instead decides to bomb Lyon from round the wicket.
And it works second ball, so I’ll shut my mouth from the south. Lyon clouts a pull miles in the air and gets a pat on the back from most of the England players as he leaves the field. He’s giving fresh meaning to the old phrase about a batsman trudging off, and he’s getting a standing ovation from the Members.
We always knew he was a tough old bird; now he has an eternal YouTube video that proves it. England need 371 to win.
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101st over: Australia 275-9 (Starc 15, Lyon 0) A Starc pull is stopped on the boundary by Stokes, who then pulls up himself. It looks liek cramp rather than escalated knee-knack.
After nailing multiple pulls for no run, Starc gets hold of one, swatting Tongue over square leg for six. Tongue’s last ball is clever – full and very wide, ensuring Starc can’t even try to keep the strike.
“England fans... grumble grumble grumble... moan!” says Andrew Tomlinson. “Set for a brilliant fifth day where they will try to win. Not draw. Remember how sport is about winning? Grumble grumble grumble. We’ve only won 11 of the last 14 matches. Sack the captain. Sack the coach. Sack anyone who can remember how bad England were before Stokes became captain.”
Sack nuance as well?
100th over: Australia 269-9 (Starc 9, Lyon 0) Nathan Lyon came into his 100th consecutive Test wanting to enhance his reputation. He has done so in the strangest way imaginable.
We’ve seen players bat with broken jaws (Rick McCosker, Anil Kumble), broken hands, (Graeme Smith), broken thumbs (Malcolm Marshall). And while a calf injury doesn’t sound quite so heroic, this is seriously courageous stuff. I suspect plenty of you are familiar with that vicious stabbing pain you get when your calf is injured.
He almost gets four runs with a sweet pull shot off Broad, but an England fielder saves the boundary and there’s no chance of a run. “I’m finding this hard to watch,” says Andrew Strauss on Sky. I can understand that – imagine if Lyon was seriously hurt – but Australia want every last run just in case England go off on one in the fourth innings again.
This is an interesting point from David Southworth
“As Lyon’s now batting, will the umpires make the same decision they did with Pope - ie this means he’s no longer injured, so he has to take the field in the fourth innings, otherwise Australia are down to ten men?” writes David. “Seems ridiculous, but consistency would suggest they’ll have to...”
I’m sure they won’t, for obvious reasons, but it’s a good question given yesterday’s nonsense.
99th over: Australia 269-9 (Starc 9, Lyon 0) Tongue replaces Stokes, who bowled a marathon spell of 12-1-26-1. His first ball is pulled round the corner for four by Starc, who then turns down a couple of singles. Some of the Lord’s crowd jeer when he does so. His partner can barely walk, lads.
This is one of the oddest sessions I have ever seen, the bizarro version of Test cricket.
98th over: Australia 265-9 (Starc 5, Lyon 0) Lyon has hobbled a single and is agony. Starc hoicked Broad over deep midwicket, where the substitute Rehan Ahmed jumped backwards over the boundary to stop the ball going for six. It was a sensational piece of fielding, but because of that Lyon – who was standing in the middle of the pitch with Starc – had to hobble through for a single. He was in serious pain when he made his ground, but he’s going to continue at the non-striker’s end.
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97.3 overs: Australia 264-9 (Starc 4, Lyon 0) Starc tries to hook Broad and is hit on the head, which means another concussion check.
“I love a good/close game,” says Jerry Clode. “But listening to the TV commentary, it is almost as though Bodyline 2.0 is being celebrated, it is a ‘disgrace’ - 97% of deliveries since lunch are ‘short pitched’, umpires have the discretion to define play as ‘negative’ - but this could get nasty, English bowlers 78 miles vs. Aussies at 88 miles. Bring it on!”
I think a lot of people are a bit confused, trying to make sense of it all. In time, this game may lead to a tweak to the playing conditions or the laws, because contests like this will kill off the Test cricket in no time.
Talking of TV commentary, Mike Atherton has just jokingly suggested a brilliant conspiracy theory: if Lyon were to be hit by a bouncer, he could fake concussion and be replaced in the XI by Todd Murphy.
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97th over: Australia 264-9 (Starc 4, Lyon 0) Lyon plays his first ball superbly, pulling Stokes to long leg, but he’s unable to run. He avoids the second, which means Starc can tee off in the next over. Australia lead by 355.
“Surely to God, England aren’t really gonna chase this down...” says Dean Kinsella. “Are they?”
If they do, I will never pass judgement on anything again, ever. They do have an inspirational template from last year, but I really can’t see it unless they have a crazy start against the new ball.
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WICKET! Australia 264-9 (Hazlewood c Root b Stokes 0)
Hazlewood pushes Stokes to short leg, where Root takes a very smart catch. Stokes doesn’t celebrate; he looks like he could sleep for a week.
Here comes Nathan Lyon, who receives a standing ovation as he limps slowly towards the middle. This is very peculiar, but you can understand the logic – if he survives these next two balls, Starc could easily slog 15 off the next over.
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96th over: Australia 263-8 (Starc 3, Hazlewood 0) Crikey, Nathan Lyon is going to bat at No11. He’s in the Long Room, ready to hobble onto the field at the fall of the next wicket. He had to take the steps one foot at the time – anyone who has pinged their calf will remember that particular sideways walk – and runners aren’t allowed any more, so he’s going to find life exceedingly uncomfortable. If somebody aims a bouncer at his head, I don’t know how he’ll be able to avoid it.
“Everyone will understand your feelings about the West Indies missing out on the 50-over World Cup, but from a different perspective it’s a poke in the eye from Scotland to the ICC,” writes Schmarklehorse. “From when I started watching them in the late 2000s when they were playing Pro40 on a Sunday, they rose from a very low base to beat an almost-full strength England side that went on to win the World Cup the following year (Buttler wasn’t selected and Archer wasn’t eligible for the match at the Grange).
“Beating a major nation in a non-weather affected match was followed almost immediately by the ladder being pulled up in terms of guaranteed regular matches against tier-one nations, following reduction of available spaces for the 50-over tournament. If one or two of Scotland, Zimbabwe and Netherlands can qualify at the expense of West Indies and Sri Lanka then so much the better, from my perspective.”
Oh yes, I should have said that I have nothing against Scotland. As somebody who lived in Orkney for six years, and felt more of a connection with the people and the place than I ever have in England, I’ll be delighted if they make it. It’s just sad to see West Indies add another chapter to their post-1995 demise.
WICKET! Australia 261-8 (Cummins c Duckett b Broad 11)
Broad takes care of Cummins, who fences a horrible short ball to Duckett in the gully. Eight down, one to go.
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95th over: Australia 261-7 (Starc 2, Cummins 11) Stokes, who combines masochism and martyrdom like nobody else during these never-ending spells, starts over number 11. Cummins pushes a superb short ball just short of Root, lunging forward at short leg.
Just one from the over. Since lunch, Australia are 39 from two from 21 overs. The Saturday of the Lord’s Ashes Test, always one of the great days.
94th over: Australia 260-7 (Starc 2, Cummins 10) Stuart Broad replaces Ollie Robinson, who bowled an extremely effective spell of 9-5-7-2. Cummins fences a delivery over short leg and on the bounce to Anderson at midwicket. He tries to runs out Starc, who had backed up too far, but misses the stumps. Tongue does very well save four overthrows.
On Sky, Ricky Ponting informs us that not one full-length delivery has been bowled in this session. It’s compelling, because of what’s at stake, but it can’t be good for the game. This match might be remembered for catalysing a change in the laws.
“At what point,” asks Rob Barnes, “do we start having a crack at Australian’s getting out to the short ball, whilst not scoring runs?”
Crack away, sir. It has been a very strange day/Test/summer, and I’m still trying to make sense of it. Ultimately, Australia are massive favourites to win this game; the rest is gossip.
93rd over: Australia 259-7 (Starc 2, Cummins 9) That was Stokes’ tenth over in a row, so he’s added another double-figure spell to the portfolio. Given the state of his knee, this might be the last marathon of masochism we ever see from Stokes. He looks spent.
“Sad for West Indies and the cricket world in general, yes - why not two groups of eight? - but not for Scotland who continue to make progress,” writes Simon McMahon. “The win today against West Indies might not make up for the controversial DLS loss to them in Harare in 2018, which resulted in the Scots missing out on the 2019 tournament (and, in my mind at least, a permanent asterisk against England’s eventual final triumph against NZ), but, unlike England and the draw at Lord’s, we’ll take it.”
Cummins is caught off a Stokes no-ball. He hacked it miles in the air to backward point, but Stokes turned round to look at the front line even before the catch had been taken. This has been happening to Stokes ever since his debut at Adelaide in 2013, when he was denied a first Test wicket (Brad Haddin I think) by overstepping.
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92nd over: Australia 256-7 (Starc 2, Cummins 8) A loose delivery from Robinson beats Bairstow, who is blameless on this occasion, and flies down the leg side for four leg byes. That takes Australia’s extras in this match to 72; don’t worry, we’ve seen worse.
“Bit of a deadly combination here,” says Brian Withington, “given the match situation, another disappointingly lifeless wicket and an England attack lacking in genuine pace.
“One is reminded of the old criticism of the Charge of the Light Brigade - ‘c’est magnifique, mais ce n’est pas la guerre’. In this case, it’s pragamatic, but it’s not exactly entertaining cricket. However, when England bat, I have a suspicion we might see what ‘la guerre’ really look like…”
91st over: Australia 252-7 (Starc 2, Cummins 8) Cummins makes room to cleave Stokes over backward point for four. Good batting from a man whose series average is 108. He hasn’t played this well in red-ball cricket in years, perhaps since the 2017-18 Ashes.
The next ball from Stokes follows Cummins, who turns his back and hit on the glove. The ball dribbles towards but not onto the stumps.
“I realise 75mph rollovers are hardly Larwood and Voce, but at some point the question needs to be asked: are these bouncers deliberately denying any scoring opportunity, sufficient to require umpire intervention?” says Gervase Greene. “One almost wishes the one-day rules were in place so as to require some decent attempt to at least bowl in the general vicinity.”
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90th over: Australia 246-7 (Starc 2, Cummins 4) Ollie Robinson has a very happy habit of taking wickets. He’s been a million miles from his best in this game, yet he still has reasonable match figures of five for 148.
The new batter Pat Cummins jumps inside three of his first four deliveries, all aimed at the ribs, and then works a similar delivery wide of leg slip for four.
On Sky Sports, Ricky Ponting is critical of Alex Carey – usually such a fearless counterattacker – for being a sitting duck. “If you’re not looking to hit the ball, you get in bad positions.” It’s another twist in the Bazball wars.
WICKET! Australia 242-7 (Carey c Root b Robinson 21)
I have no idea what we’re watching here. Carey has fallen to the short ball now, fencing tamely to short leg. It was a good ball from Robinson, superbly directed, and Carey is on his way for a peculiar 73-ball 21.
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89th over: Australia 242-6 (Carey 21, Starc 2) This is Stokes’ eighth over off the reel, which is a lot for a man with a knee-knack, and he’s starting to grimace in his follow through. Despite that he’s bowling pretty well, and gives Starc a whiff of leather with another perfectly directed short ball.
Two singles from the over. Since lunch Australia have scored 20 runs in 15 overs.
“Assuming England are left with an unachievable fourth-innings target,” says Bobby Dunnett, “could they bring themselves to at least try to buckle down and survive for a draw or would that be considered more of a defeat than being all out in entertaining circumstances?”
You know what they say: in for a penny, in for 48 million quid. I don’t think it will come to that, though. They could end up chasing something like 370 in 120 overs, and they would definitely go for that.
88th over: Australia 240-6 (Carey 20, Starc 1) With Nathan Lyon unlikely to bat, England are three wickets away from another huge runchase. Starc, the new batter, wears a bumper from Robinson just above his right breast.
There have been over 330 bouncers in this game, which is a record for a Test in England since ball-tracking began. And probably ever.
“Someone on OBO the other day mentioned Ali vs Foreman, and this seems a lot like that,” writes Peter Salmon. “I hope like Ali when the English bowlers are exhausted one of the Australians whispers in their ears says, ‘You getting tired, son, this is no place to get tired’. Then starts lifting the bouncers into the stands.”
WICKET! Australia 239-6 (Green c Duckett b Robinson 18)
Another one bites the dust. Green finally takes on Robinson’s short ball, clouting it straight to Duckett at square leg. He takes a good low catch to his right, and Green walks off with a face like the apocalypse. He made 18 from 67 balls.
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87th over: Australia 239-5 (Green 18, Carey 20) Green works Stokes off the hip for a single, then Carey does well to limbo dance away from a beautifully directed bumper. This is pretty tedious, the kind of session that leads to a change in the playing conditions.
“I’ve sent many emails complaining about the lack of pragmatism in England’s batting approach so I’m not going to complain about it here,” says Neil Parkes. “I don’t understand, though, why they haven’t taken the new ball. Is it because the feeling is that the new ball must be pitched up so why take it now? Or is the new ball going to be less effective as a bouncer vehicle? I’m confused.”
The latter. Part of the reason the bouncer has caused so many problems in this game is that the pitch is two-paced, and the old ball accentuates that. I think.
86th over: Australia 238-5 (Green 17, Carey 20) A third maiden in a row. In other news, West Indies will not play in this year’s World Cup after losing their latest qualifier to Scotland. They got lucky four years ago but not this time, and for the first time a men’s World Cup will take place without the team that won the first two competitions in 1975 and 1979. It’s an extremely sad day for cricket.
“This is incredibly boring, but it’s quite smart isn’t it?” writes Alex Wilson. “One of the foundational insights of Bazball is that the real enemy of a winning team is time. Australia will want to give themselves enough time to bowl England out, but a large enough lead that England can’t chase it down (and England are probably bonkers enough to think anything under 500 is chaseable).
“The longer this soporific batting goes on, the more Australia will have to compromise between one of those two things. If the ultimate goal of Bazball is winning, I guess when it comes to boring cricket, the ends justify the means?”
I thought winning was at the bottom of England’s list of goals? I agree with you though, as a delaying tactic it has considerable merit: Australia, who would ideally be rushing towards a declaration, have scored 16 in 12 overs since lunch. Australia still have loads of time, though.
85th over: Australia 238-5 (Green 17, Carey 20) Green resumes and can’t get any of Stokes’s short balls away. Another maiden.
“From Bazball to Boreball in just one a Test match,” says Burt Bosma.
What I find intriguing, and I say this without judgement, is that pragmatism is acceptable when England are bowling. Had they been half as pragmatic with the bat, they might be heading for a 2-0 lead here.
84.1 overs: Australia 238-5 (Green 17, Carey 20) The new ball is available but Stokes, who was burned in the last hour at Edgbaston, is yet taken it. The old one still has enough life to clonk Green on the helmet when he misses a pull at Stokes, which means a break in play while he is checked for concussion. Like the Chris the Sheep, he’s fine.
84th over: Australia 238-5 (Green 17, Carey 20) Thanks Geoff, hello everyone. As I assume the position in the OBO bunker, England’s dubious policy of short-ball containment continues with a maiden from Robinson to Carey. Australia lead by 329.
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83rd over: Australia 238-5 (Green 17, Carey 20) Stokes to Green, who shapes to pull but doesn’t as the ball angles down leg, then gets a glance away for one. He essentially has a five-man ring field, with three catchers in the deep between forward square and fine leg, plus a deep third. Stokes goes around the wicket to Carey, who has a leg slip. Sways away from one, half crouching first. Finally a single. The crowd is asleep. We’re saving Test cricket.
Devastatingly, my time is done. And off tomorrow, so I’ll see you at Leeds. For the rest of the day it will be Rob Smyth, kindly direct your messages to him. Cheerio.
82nd over: Australia 236-5 (Green 16, Carey 19) They get a bit excited about Carey gloving one down the leg side, except he hasn’t. Robinson keeps bowling short, Carey eventually deflects a run. Green the same.
“Where does this fit with Stokes’ claim to be all about entertainment first?” asks Peter North. “This is unbearable.”
81st over: Australia 234-5 (Green 15, Carey 18) No new ball, Stokes just wants to keep banging away like a gate in a gale. Carey finds runs when the ball is not so short though: cuts four, glances one. Green defends impassively. That’s 54 balls for his 15.
80th over: Australia 228-5 (Green 15, Carey 13) This is getting very snooze-inducing. Carey ducks three balls, at which point Bairstow fumbles for the eleventy-first time today and they run a bye. Which gives Green the chance to duck three balls. Some of these are all over the place, way over and way wide on line. It’s not a searching spell of short bowling, it’s just putting the ball anywhere and hoping for something stupid. That did work for half an hour but these two have better ideas.
79th over: Australia 227-5 (Green 15, Carey 13) New ball coming. Stokes hasn’t tried any spin with the old one. Instead he keeps bouncing the ball over Carey’s head, until Carey blocks a less short ball away to leg and they take a run. It’s another no ball.
Happy birthday to Sarah Bacon, who is enjoying watching Australia from London.
78th over: Australia 225-5 (Green 15, Carey 12) This is getting pretty ridiculous. I wouldn’t like to face them personally, but for a proper player, Robinson’s bouncers aren’t exactly menacing. He keeps plonking them down there, and Green keeps letting them pass by. Five times in the over.
77th over: Australia 225-5 (Green 15, Carey 12) More Stokes, Carey slides a cut shot away for a couple of runs. The only score.
“Hello from sunny Munich,” writes Shaun Thompson to cloudy London. “At what point do we think Stokes might throw Australia a proper curve by declaring in England’s second innings?”
Take control of the game. Run to the danger. Put them on the back foot.
76th over: Australia 223-5 (Green 15, Carey 10) Robinson to Green. Bouncers. Ducked.
Patrick O’Brien is backing my fungus theory with this piece on ‘mediaeval madness.’ I was thinking more along these lines:
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75th over: Australia 223-5 (Green 15, Carey 10) Ben Stokes is having a bowl after the break. Maybe had an injection in that troublesome knee, as he suggested before the series. Bowls a couple of bouncers, a no ball. Carey sees it off.
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Paul M writes in. “Does England’s under-no-circumstances attitude towards the draw come across to you as Stokes/McCullum fighting a phantom enemy? I’m not saying they’re wrong - the public-facing rationale of greater entertainment might differ slightly from the private one, and they may have simply concluded that England will win far more often than they’ll lose by refusing to ever contemplate the other result - but for me, what really kills a Test match is a lack of peril or dramatic tension, not necessarily the lack of a winner.”
I will be very interested to see what England do if they’re, say, 150 behind and six down with 15 overs to go.
That Scotland game has them 137 for 2 against the Windies chasing 181, with 17 overs to go.
Lunch - Australia 222 for five, leading by 313
What a strange session. Extended, going long, and Australia were so in control of it before Khawaja and Smith got hypnotised by England’s short-ball approach and joined the lemming parade. That made things tense for a while, with Head out cheaply after two lives, but even this little partnership of 25 runs across half a dozen overs has settled things down again. Australia already have too many for England to chase on any conventional measure, though they’ll want some more to guard against the unconventional.
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74th over: Australia 222-5 (Green 15, Carey 10) Broad bowls fuller, and Green seizes on it with relief, smacking an off-drive down the ground for four, then following up through cover. Nobody out there. With Australia on a Richie Benaud, that is lunch.
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73rd over: Australia 214-5 (Green 7, Carey 10) It just keeps happening! Green plays a pull shot, edges it, into a gap. Fungus, it’s the only explanation.
“Afternoon Geoff.” Afternoon, Simon McMahon. “Scotland men are currently 70-1 after 18 overs, chasing 182 to beat the West Indies and give themselves a real chance of making the World Cup in India later this year, with games against Zimbabwe and Netherlands to come. Edinburgh will be hosting the Europe men’s T20 qualifier tournament later this month too, with two spots up for grabs in next year’s finals. I’m in the somewhat unusual position of being a mad Scotsman who is a long time supporter of the England cricket team. There are many reasons for this which I won’t go into here. Let’s just say the same is not true of any other sport. But cricket is different, right? Why? It just is. Come on England! Come on Scotland!”
Scotland 91 for 1 now.
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72nd over: Australia 213-5 (Green 6, Carey 10) Whack. There goes Green’s first boundary, relenting to play a pull shot and middling Broad through square. Does similarly but only for one run.
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71st over: Australia 208-5 (Green 1, Carey 10) James Anderson is back on from the Nursery End. That was nine overs in a row from Tongue. Anderson is not the bouncer merchant. He pitches up, and gets smoked for four. Down through mid off, after Carey cut a couple of runs behind point. The lead is 299.
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70th over: Australia 202-5 (Green 1, Carey 4) Broad to Green, but if there’s one thing the all-rounder has shown in his career it’s patience. Ducks, blocks, waits, leaves.
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69th over: Australia 202-5 (Green 1, Carey 4) Green is off his pair. Tucks a ball to square leg. Tongue comes around the wicket to the left-hander. We’ll never see another ball pitched up as long as we live. Way off line, Bairstow saves the ball in front of leg slip. Carey gets a couple of unpleasant ones, but when Tongue goes back over the wicket, the line lets Carey play a lovely back cut for four. That’s a shot.
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68th over: Australia 197-5 (Green 0, Carey 0) The lead is 288. Two players on nought. Carey ducks a bouncer. And another.
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WICKET! Head c Root b Broad 7, Australia 197-5
There he goes! That makes up for any earlier tardiness. A blinder from Root at short leg. Broad strays down leg a couple of times from around the wicket, but gets his angle eventually. Head with a thick edge, squeezed away, and Root dives to his left to take a one-hander! Now this is interesting.
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67th over: Australia 197-4 (Head 7, Green 0) Crunched by Travis Head! That pull shot works. Meaty hit, through backward square leg along the ground for four. Then he flashes a run just past Anderson in the gully, that same shot as before, almost out again. Annoying Anderson further. Green jogs on the spot, tries to focus. Leg slip comes in. Short leg. Two out. Two midwickets. Leaves a length ball. Two on the off side: short cover and gully. No, wait, there’s a deep third set very fine for Tongue. Green leaves, remains on nought from 14 balls.
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66th over: Australia 192-4 (Head 2, Green 0) No shot offered by Green, ducking and leaving whenever he can to Broad.
65th over: Australia 192-4 (Head 2, Green 0) Rare that you bowl seven deliveries to Travis Head without him scoring. One of them is a wide from Tongue, but still. And there really should have been a wicket there. The best ball of the over leaps at Head, has him fending straight up in the air. Root is under the helmet at short leg, a couple of paces back. But I think he had time to get there. A regular short leg would have. His weight is off balance, and he skids on the spot trying to get forward. Doesn’t reach it, as it drops on the pitch.
“BodyBazLineBall?” suggests Romeo.
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64th over: Australia 191-4 (Head 2, Green 0) Short ball continues. Head jams out a run. Green goes under a couple, a big task for him.
63rd over: Australia 190-4 (Head 1, Green 0) Do you want to know what happened in between those wickets? Travis Head was dropped, first ball. Classic Head shot, that little flirt outside off stump with an angled bat, squirted to gully. Used to get out like that all the time. He plays it straight at Anderson, who drops a simple one, and lies on the ground with his hands over his face cursing, lamenting. He can’t believe he’s done that. But the next ball, Smith falls. So which would you prefer?
Australia lead by a full VVS Laxman, 281 runs.
WICKET! Smith c Crawley b Tongue 34, Australia 190-4
What are they doing? The fungus is working! I said that wickets would come, but I didn’t think it would be via collective lunacy. A halfway short ball, Smith reaches out for it, and just dabs the pull shot to deep square leg as if he were guiding it deliberately to the fielder. Terrible shot.
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WICKET! Khawaja c sub (Potts) b Broad 77, Australia 187-3
62nd over: Australia 187-3 (Smith 33) Something goes England’s way! Broad comes on to continue the short ball thing. Oversteps with his first delivery, gives away some singles. But last ball of the over, the moment comes. Quality bouncer, in at the grille, and the angle coming in did him. He’s catching up with the ball as he plays, not out there ahead of it. Pull shot, top edge, fine leg near the rope.
Again, not sure why the Australians were so happy to play the shots that England wanted them to.
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61st over: Australia 183-2 (Khawaja 76, Smith 31) Tongue hits the spot, a sharp rising delivery in at Khawaja, who gloves it up in the air but there’s no close catcher. Not sure why you would have this length of attack without at least one player in. Khawaja gets a pull away, then Tongue gets too much bounce for Bairstow, letting Smith run a bye. Tongue goes back over the wicket and bowls a good short one that has Khawaja hopping to play it down. Drinks.
“All feels a bit Angus Fraser, Andy Caddick doesn it?” writes John Potter. “Like a breakthrough is approximately four Tests away.”
60th over: Australia 180-2 (Khawaja 75, Smith 31) Gloved down at his feet this time, as Smith again plays the pull against Robinson. Khawaja plays one better, for one, Smith the same. Khawaja gets a wider one and plays a cut. Singles everywhere.
“It doesn’t seem very sporting of Australia to duck and weave as a way of avoiding these gentle bouncers,” writes Enlil. “After England’s innings I had assumed that the teams had made a gentleman’s agreement to aimlessly waft their bats at anything over waist height?”
Same old Aussies, hey?
59th over: Australia 176-2 (Khawaja 73, Smith 29) Controlled pull by Smith for one, the only score as Tongue continues around the wicket.
58th over: Australia 175-2 (Khawaja 73, Smith 28) What on earth was that! Smith backs away to leg, Robinson follows him. Smith gets a bumper that doesn’t get up, and he swats down on it like he’s killing a fly. Middles it, into the ground at midwicket, and falls over backwards in the process. Lies there for a while practising that bizarre tennis smash.
Plays a normal pull shot to follow, gets off strike. Then Khawaja takes on a short ball, pulls it over backward square for four! Why is he playing like that? Goes aerial and gets lucky. Then gets luckier… he’s dropped. Hooks again, glove, looping over the keeper, and Bairstow gets as high as he can but can only get it to clip the webbing.
He gets a run, Smith another, but what’s going on? Is the England brain virus fungal? Has it spread between dressing rooms via spores?
57th over: Australia 168-2 (Khawaja 68, Smith 26) Tongue around the wicket, bowling short, and five byes from the over. A single and a four.
@GeoffLemonSport Hey Geoff, do you think that Bazball may cause some issues for bowlers if their mid 30s in a packed Ashes series? Just wonder if you are consistently off for a day or less when England are batting whether the toll will tell.
— Vectron44 (@vectron44) July 1, 2023
Absolutely! England have faced 78, 66, and 76 overs in this series, and the bowlers have batted some of that.
Australia faced 116, 92, 100, and now 57 and counting. England have picked older bowlers and then given them less rest. Fast batting is one thing, but a cricket team is an ecosystem.
56th over: Australia 163-2 (Khawaja 68, Smith 26) Gets onto one well, Khawaja, a lower short ball that he pulls off the hip and nearly gets four, but it’s saved on the fence. A trampoline bouncer is called wide.
“Good morning from Pittsburgh!” writes Eric Peterson. “Yesterday’s events and the backlash about England’s obstinate approach at the bat made me think of Bruce Lee’s legendary quote about not fearing the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times. If that man goes up against Bruce Lee and only uses that one kick without varying it up, Bruce Lee still wipes the floor with him. (I feel like I’m pushing the bounds of reason drawing an analogy between the martial arts and cricket, but this passes muster better than the Daniel LaRusso crane-kick theory I also had in mind.)”
To be fair, Bruce Lee wipes the floor with anyone. But if you can build a Johnny Lawrence analogy, I’m interested. Sweep to leg?
55th over: Australia 160-2 (Khawaja 66, Smith 26) This is interesting. The Australians are playing the pull shot. They’re not trying to hit it very hard though, they’re just placing the ball away. Two singles each, all from short balls.
Another move up the record list for Smith.
Reaching 25 today, Steve Smith goes past Steve Waugh's 3200 runs against England. Which is a different number to Waugh's Ashes runs.
— Geoff Lemon Sport (@GeoffLemonSport) July 1, 2023
Only Garfield Sobers, Allan Border and Don Bradman have more runs against England. https://t.co/phwvteHwU7
54th over: Australia 156-2 (Khawaja 64, Smith 24) Field set for bouncers to Smith. Fine leg. Deep backward square, two thirds. Regulation square leg. Deep forward square leg. Midwicket. On the off side, deep fine third, gully, deep cover point, mid off.
So they want Australia to play the pull shot, and Smith doesn’t, until he gets a ball that’s only waist high, and rolls his wrists over it to pick up a safe single. Especially safe because it turns out to be a no ball.
Robinson isn’t exactly your short-ball enforcer, is he? Where oh where is Mark Wood, again. Khawaja does pull a ball, again along the ground and no run to backward square. Ducks a better bouncer, Robinson finally gets the line at Khawaja’s helmet.
53rd over: Australia 154-2 (Khawaja 64, Smith 23) Josh Tongue on to bowl, he’s been the one to make things happen, but this is a pretty limp over of short leg-side stuff that Khawaja can again ignore.
52nd over: Australia 154-2 (Khawaja 64, Smith 23) Robinson tries a bouncer to Khawaja, loopy and wide of the off stump. Khawaja treats that like a plate of leftovers that have been sitting out overnight. Disregard. Gets a run to leg, last ball of the over.
51st over: Australia 153-2 (Khawaja 63, Smith 23) What a shot from Smith! There is swing there for Anderson, away from the bat, but Smith covers it, accounts for it, and sends it elbow high through the covers. Gorgeous.
Pitches up again, looking for swing, and Smith drives it back past him for four! Anderson gets the left boot out, can’t reach it. And the very next ball, more width, Smith steers it between gully and backward point for another boundary.
Yikes.
50th over: Australia 141-2 (Khawaja 63, Smith 11) No rush from Australia this morning, Smith forward to press a single into the off side.
49th over: Australia 140-2 (Khawaja 63, Smith 10) Buttery from Khawaja! Onto the front foot, gets to the pitch perfectly, and places his extra cover drive too wide for Broad to get across and field. It streaks up the hill towards the digital scoreboard in the corner by the renovated Compton Stand.
48th over: Australia 136-2 (Khawaja 59, Smith 10) Khawaja facing Robinson, angled across the lefty from over the wicket. Leaves what he can, defends until he gets a leg stump ball to glance for one.
“Going to struggle to follow the Test this afternoon as I’m going to watch a Lioness vs Portugal friendly,” writes Stephen Brown. “It’s their last warm up before they head down under for the World Cup, so hoping they are firing on all cylinders. Will be keeping up with the morning session by your fine commentary though. I think Jonathan Liew comes closest to encapsulating my feelings. Yes, Bazball is good. Yes, it is England’s best chance of winning the Ashes. But no, it shouldn’t mean having a swing at everything all the time. If they can learn that before the next Test we can still have a decent series with a plucky underdog fightback story. It’s the hope that gets ya.”
47th over: Australia 135-2 (Khawaja 58, Smith 10) Anderson to bowl the first full over, from the Nursery End. Khawaja produces an extra off the thigh pad. Smith starts his crabbing for the day, across the stumps to defend, picking off the straight one but right at the midwicket fielder. Two slips, gully, backward point, an extra cover really, splitting the gap between cover and mid off, a wide-set mid on, midwicket, long leg. Conventional. No run. Technically a maiden over, because leg byes don’t count as bowling errors. Some of them certainly are.
46th over: Australia 134-2 (Khawaja 58, Smith 10) Two balls for Ollie Robinson to bowl after his over was interrupted yesterday, and Smith squeezes the first of them out behind square leg for a not entirely intended boundary.
The players are out, the quasi-hymn is blared, and we’re ready to go.
Updated
“Could you please pass on my thanks to Barney for his excellent article yesterday,” writes Paulo Biriani. “And if he has a dossier to publish it. I speak as a state school cricket coach who despaired to the point where I just gave up - my students were never going to make it in cricket. I returned to football instead.”
“Geoff, have you got over your hangover from Adam’s wedding in the week?” asks Dechlan Brennan. It is true that only my OBO colleague Adam Collins would schedule his wedding the day before the Lord’s Test. But no, I was wise to the pitfalls, and sensible that evening. Have learned that lesson.
Tom van der Gucht has emailed in. “I’m pretty confident that England pretty much have this wrapped up. There seems to have been massive collapses in the morning session over the past two days and I’m hopeful there’ll be another one today. Yesterday’s rain has stopped Australia getting too many on the board before England skittle the last 7 wickets (I can’t see Lyon batting again) for 50 runs before Crawley smashes out the fastest century by an England player in Tests to win just before the close of play.”
Tongue out of cheek, there could easily be wickets this morning. It’s cloudy and it will take some serious batting to get back in, though a few specks of blue sky have started to appear.
Revised session times
Five minute delay. Plus an extended session by 15 minutes due to the time lost yesterday. So we’ll play 11:05 to lunch at 13:20.
Tea at 16:15.
Stumps at 18:35, but they can take the extra half hour, so no doubt they will.
Tie a piece of string to a can
Email, tweets. Send me your mournful melancholy or triumphalist blaring. Or preferably, send me something more textured and precious. I’ll include some bits and pieces as we go through the session.
They did get the square covers down eventually, now they’re rolling them up again. Still 18 minutes before the scheduled start, might yet get going on time.
Jonathan Liew to finish, who spent most of yesterday looking extremely perplexed, and most of this column sounding the same way.
“It’s just the way they cook. They’re taking a whole new approach to gastronomy. And ultimately, when you get down to it, is there really any difference between fine dining and violent diarrhoea?”
I’ve chipped in, mostly to try to capture the blinking Australian surprise at being handed the ascendancy in such a cheerfully pliable manner.
And there’s a Final Word episode from Lord’s last night for the podcast inclined.
Half an hour before play, and the hovercraft pitch cover has come on. Is it actually raining or are they anticipating rain? Can’t see anything, but a few umbrellas are up. It must be very light.
Andy Bull wonders if – at last, at last – we have seen the final waning of a great England partnership.
Some sombre news came in yesterday from one of Australia’s all-time greats, Allan Border. Not news for him, but something he’s gone public with after knowing for some years. Steve Smith overtook his catches record recently, and could pass a couple of his runs records today – which given Smith’s career, underlines how significant Border’s was.
England women’s captain Heather Knight has spoken about the ICEC report finding that women were marginalised in cricket – not that she needed a report to tell her that.
Simon Burnton has a strange news line, that according to Ollie Pope’s shoulder injury from the first innings was deemed to have vanished by the third innings because he batted in the second. And promptly hurt himself again.
Time to catch up with yesterday’s happenings. Let’s start you on Ali Martin’s match report, and note that he holds no responsibility for the headline’s hardware-related mixed metaphor.
Preamble
Good morning, good morning, the general said. I’ve wandered around Lord’s already this morning and had a number of conversations with some fairly downcast English folk. They don’t think there’s a way back. But hey, why do we play the game if not to enjoy those triumphs of the unlikely? Ben Stokes is a couple of stories below me wandering to the nets right now in preparation of the Headingley Mach II innings that he is obviously planning for later.
The Australians I’ve been speaking to, meanwhile, are a cross between smug and confused, with some containing the former better than others.
But I’m hearing talk of Australia batting all day, declaring, setting 500, and I doubt that things will be that easy. Two wickets down, England could and should be able to work through the rest as the day goes on. Then it’s a question of how big that lead can get in the meantime, and whether England have the confidence and competence to try to reel it in, on a surface that is not a batting paradise. Nor is it a minefield, but I suspect it’ll get slower and trickier with each session from here.
It is Australia’s Test for the taking, don’t get me wrong, but they will still have to play well from here to formalise the seizure.
