After you break up with someone, there’s a clear set of steps to take. First, you cry a lot. Then you complain about your ex to friends, family members, and strangers in bathrooms – nobody is exempt as a potential audience member to your relationship’s post-mortem soliloquy. Next up: a new haircut. Maybe some thirsty Instagram posts. Eventually, you start to reflect on all the reasons why the relationship wasn’t working and come to terms with the fact that you made the right decision. You feel proud at how secure, self-assured, and well-versed you are in Esther Perel lore. Your loved ones applaud you for being so strong.
But then, one night, in the middle of a 2am doom scroll, a moment of madness occurs and you wind up texting your ex. Uh oh: the feelings are still there. You decide you can’t let go. You get back together. Suddenly, you have a lot of explaining to do.
