The Game Awards show is here again, bringing with it the usual mix of new game announcements and accolades for outstanding achievements in the last year. In all the hubbub and excitement over the year’s biggest, shiniest games, someone inevitably gets left out or overlooked, and that’s where our alternative awards come in. The Alternative Game Awards are sponsored by absolutely no one and carry no official value whatsoever, but someone has to give these unsung heroes the love they need. It may as well be us.
Borg
Embracer Group is on a mission to absorb the games industry and is going quite well so far. The Katamari-like ball of acquisitions just keeps growing, consuming everything in its path, and before you know it, Embracer will probably buy you too.
You Have A Crank!
In the category of “who has a crank,” no developer, game, console, or logo can compete with the Playdate, mainly because none of them have a crank. This handy little device finally launched in 2022 with a selection of unique indie games, and we’re awfully glad it’s here.
Best Website Traffic Generator
Whether you were curious about the lore, couldn’t best Margit, or just needed to know what set of obscure requirements you had to fulfill to make a creepy NPC happy, you all came a-clicking once Elden Ring launched. For that, you have our thanks – and so does FromSoft, for making such a convoluted game.
Why Do I Like This?
Vampire Survivors is a visual mess that assaults you with an endless wave of colors, numbers, and sounds – the exact thing I usually can’t stand. And yet I haven’t stopped playing since Survivors launched, no thanks to the Steam Deck‘s portability. Why does it have my attention in its thrall, you may ask? I would answer, but I’ve just started another game of Vampire Survivors, sorry.
Please Stop Talking
The post-apocalyptic United States is strangely beautiful with its blend of-
“I should look over there.”
– of nature aggressively taking back what humanity once
“I wonder what this is”
– held dominion over and
“This looks important”
Okay fine, no philosophizing in the wilderness. Only talking.
Horizon Forbidden West is an impressive sequel set in a beautiful landscape, but boy, is it ever a chatty game. Remember the days of Aloy as introspective hero expressing complex emotions through actions, expressions, and carefully chosen words? I miss those days.
Fine, I'll Play It Again
Rockstar released GTA V again, and we played it. Again. They can’t keep getting away with this, but they do, and we’re very much part of the problem. At least it’s something to do until GTA 6 is out, though.
LMAO, No I Won't Play That Again
This is where I’m supposed to say I didn’t have the stamina to make it through Persona 5 again, even with its new characters and portability, because the game’s just so long. Except I did have the stamina, and I’m already contemplating another playthrough. Forget stealing hearts. The Phantom Thieves own my soul at this point.
Nice!
The 69 award goes to Microsoft, for its approximately $69 billion acquisition of Activision Blizzard. The deal is still ongoing while regulators decide whether it should go through, but if it happens, you can expect to see Call of Duty on Nintendo platforms for the next 10 years.
We Hate It When You Fight
Microsoft and PlayStation are fighting again. Sony says Microsoft is going to ruin gaming with the Activision deal, Microsoft says they have no clout in gaming anyway and Sony’s just being mean. Meanwhile, the FTC just wants to find out what neither company is talking about – how the buyout might harm the industry’s nascent labor movement.
Best West
Games went west this year, and it was Weird. And Evil. And sometimes Hard (West) 2. Among the many West games, though, Weird West stands out with its unique blend of supernatural horror with wild west gunslinging.
Looks Aren't Everything
Marvel’s Midnight Suns is such a good strategy game, but there’s an eerie plastic sheen over all its superheroes. Still, as they say, looks aren’t everything, and this is going on our list of favorite games of 2022.
We Hardly Knew Ye
Poor Google Stadia. You had so much promise. The trouble was, you also didn’t invest in your games studios and forgot most of the world doesn’t have high-speed, fiber-optic internet. And now you’re gone.
Wait, You're Actually Really Good
Need for Speed has had more than its fair share of ups and downs, so expectations were fairly low for Need for Speed Unbound. The surprising lack of marketing didn’t help, but it turns out the street racer is really quite good.
Abandonment Issues
Frontier wins the “most abandoned projects” award for 2022. F1 Manager 2022 launched in August and won’t be getting any more major updates. Elite Dangerous players on console also got the message they can expect no further support as well.
Please Chill Out
Sean Murray and Hello Games just keep going. No Man’s Sky is on Switch now, and it’s nearly flawless. Oh and there’s another expansion, bringing the total up to nearly two dozen substantial updates. Please, take a vacation y’all.
Slowest Motorbike
Motorbikes are supposed to go fast, but Gotham Knights asked the question “What if they actually went really slow?” And then followed up with an exceptionally slow bike. Mission accomplished.
Written by Josh Broadwell on behalf of GLHF
