A parenting expert has shared the five most important things they believe every parent should talk to their teenager about before they start dating and the tips will ensure they go into relationships with a healthy understanding of boundaries and a good eye for spotting any red flags.
Sending a child out into the world when they reach teenage-hood can feel daunting. You've watched your child grow from a tiny newborn into their own person, hitting every milestone in their life under you watchful eye and now it's time for them to go out on their own.
We hope that our parenting style has prepared them for independence and that, despite constantly having to ask 'Are you even listening to me?' that they actually were and did take the, often unsolicited, advice we gave. But before they fly the nest or just head out of the house more often, one parenting expert has urged parents to have one very important conversation with their teens about dating that will ensure they can better identify red flags in their romantic relationships.
“Red flags in relationships come in many forms,” Jillian Amodio, the founder of Mums For Mental Health, told She Knows. “Common red flags include love bombing, abuse of any kind, obsession, jealousy, pressure, lying, and manipulation.”
By detailing these five red flags and making sure kids understand what they are and how they can manifest in relationships, Amodio hopes that parents can better prepare their kids for healthier relationships. But before you can speak to you teen about the red flags, you need to understand what they are yourself.
“If a partner is easily angered or triggered, regularly behaves in abusive or erratic ways, or engages in behaviour that is manipulative and disrespectful, only to be followed by lavish displays of affection, professions of love, profuse apologies, and gifts that’s called love bombing," she explains. As this behaviour can often be overlooked due look gaslighting or can even be romanticised due to the lavish displays of love that follow the abuse, highlighting this issue is especially important.
Of the second common red flag, obsession, Amodio says, "Obsession is sometimes cleverly disguised as immense love and flattery, but if it feels like too much, it probably is. Relationships should be built on trust, and each person in the relationship should also feel like they have the freedom to exist as an individual as well."
Obsession plays into the third red flag teens need to be on the lookout for, jealousy. “Sometimes this can be managed with open communication, and sometimes it is remedied with maturity, however, jealousy can quickly become a big problem."
A more obvious red flag that parents may more clearly notice is going on in a relationship their teen is having, is a partner preventing them from having their own interests. “Your teen should not be discouraged from pursuing dreams (such as attending a different school than your partner), hobbies, or interests just because their partner doesn’t like them or doesn’t want them to," Amodio explains.
The fifth and likely most difficult red flag to talk about is boundaries and how to know when yours are being crossed. “This can be anything from holding hands and kissing, to saying I love you, having sex, going to someone’s house, attending a party, or engaging in risky behaviours such as alcohol and drug use,” Amodio says.
When speaking with your child about this, it's vital to remind them that they shouldn't be afraid to use their voice. Amodio recommends telling them something like, “You have the right to say no to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, and your voice should be respected without pushback. A partner should never try to guilt, coerce, shame, force, pressure, or convince you to do something that you are not ready for, do not like, or that makes you uncomfortable in any way.
“If you say yes to something once, twice, or a thousand times, and then decide that you don’t want to do that anymore, you have every right to change your mind."
Learn more about parenting teenagers with our family news that features coverage like Calling all parents of teens – this acronym might save your sanity (and you’re going to want to tell your friends about it), ‘What worries me about becoming a teenager…’ – watch this insightful video from a kid on what he’s dreading about growing up (no, you’re crying), and How to respond when your kid says ‘I hate you’ – and 3 ways to understand how they’re really feeling.
