As the late 1965 USPGA champion, Dave Marr, once famously said: “Never bet with anyone you meet on the 1st tee who has a deep suntan, a 1-iron in his bag, and squinty eyes.”
We all understand the sentiment and humour, but while golf’s real handicap bandits, sandbaggers - or whatever else you want to call them – can be less easy to spot with the naked eye, they are actually no laughing matter as they manipulate the World Handicap System (WHS) by finding ways to keep their handicap index artificially high so they can plunder the treasure when the biggest riches or most prestigious titles are up for grabs.
For all the issues professional golf has been going through, this is one that can’t be levelled at the paid-for ranks, as the absence of handicaps there means the best man or woman on the day always wins – no questions asked.
Club golf, on the other hand, depends on accurate handicaps for competitions to work fairly and effectively. While most golfers readily accept that every dog has its day, far outperforming general ability as a genuine one-off, it is the dogs who engineer things so they have way more than their fair share of days who undermine the system, which relies on honesty, integrity and good intentions.
So, what are the four main tricks bandits use to keep their handicaps artificially high, ready to pounce when the big prizes are on offer?
Deliberately throwing good scores away
This is one I can write about with confidence for it's the one I have genuinely heard someone admit they were about to do halfway through a round. Having reached the turn well under handicap, this fella, who I’d only met on the day in a competition at his home club, said to me, “It’s the senior club championship this weekend and the last thing I need is a handicap cut before that. I’m going to have to start dropping a few shots coming home.” He proceeded to do just that, thus keeping his handicap intact for the weekend’s big event. Unlike this chap, though, most wouldn’t tell you they were about to do it!
So, the first trick bandits use is to deliberately hit bad shots or putts down the stretch with a good handicap-reducing score going, to ensure that, come the end, their handicap won’t be dropping ahead of the big event they have in their sights. Some may even go to the trouble of putting in a succession of poor general play scores in the build-up to a big club competition or knockout event to even ‘earn’ themselves one or two extra shots.
Not putting in cards when they’ve improved
Golfers sometimes find some magic move that can radically transform their game and scoring potential - a sudden eureka moment that means they become much better almost overnight. For others, such improvement might come following an intensive period of lessons and practice.
While most of us would be desperate to see how much we can reduce our handicaps by with our new golf game, those with bandit tendencies will seek to use the improvements in their game to their advantage by delaying putting in any cards or entering any competitions until the one they really have their eyes on, knowing that they will be going into it off a handicap index several shots higher than it should now be. Most golfers don’t operate this way; sadly, a small number do.
Feigning injury or illness with a good score going
This is related to our first category but, in an attempt to legitimise things a little more or throw people off the scent, they pin the blame for a sudden loss of form down the stretch (with a handicap cut in sight) on the old back problem flaring up, or loss of stamina from the lingering effects of the head cold they’re just getting over.
The end result is, of course, the same. The golf game that had looked rock-solid and infallible for 14 holes suddenly falls apart and the artificially high handicap is preserved, ready to be taken full advantage of in the impending big club competition or knockout semi-final. And, without complete certainty about what has just happened, who is going to be mean-spirited enough to accuse a fellow golfer of feigning injury or illness?
Only entering knockout competitions
The final trick is to only play in knockout competitions when you know you’re playing much better than your handicap. Yes, technically match play scores can still count for handicap purposes if you read the detail in WHS and on The R&A’s website, but in reality, at most clubs they rarely do. For most of us, when was the last time we actually filled in a scorecard during a match, let alone submitted one? It’s all done via a quick, “I think that puts us 2-up, doesn’t it?” on the next tee, with no paper and pencil involved.
Certain types of bandit know this and will continue cleaning up disproportionately in match play events because their handicap index is too high. Or, they wait for a prime opportunity to use it to their advantage in the big summer competition or perhaps the handicap trophy on club championship day.
A note of caution
Having said all this, the only bandit I know for sure that I’ve played with was the chap mentioned in our first point because he admitted it! Is that because I’ve been walking around with my eyes wide shut or the problem is not as prevalent as some feel it is?
Many do feel it is quite a widespread issue, but as a note of caution before you go around accusing people of banditry... assuming that, unlike the chap in our first point, someone hasn't actually told you they're about to start throwing shots away, the symptoms can be pretty indistinguishable from choking. Was that feeble capitulation down the stretch the act of someone deliberately preserving their handicap, or someone who is desperately keen to get their handicap down bottling it with the finishing line in sight?
I only ask because my current handicap record is full of such rounds and you will have to take my word for it that I have zero interest in maintaining an artificially high handicap and every interest in keeping my handicap as low as possible for as long as possible.
