With Christmas right around the corner, many will be getting all their preparations in order for the best dinner of the year.
Christmas dinner is also a great time for friends and family to come together, enjoy some food, and have a laugh. And what better way to do get things going then with some eye-rolling Christmas cracker jokes.
The humble cracker has become synonymous with telling bad puns and ironic jokes around the table while everyone fiddles with the little toy that came with it. And while many may want to avoid the bad jokes this year, there will no doubt be some who revel in the groans and feinted laughs when they drop one of these jokes.
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Therefore, we've compiled a super list of the best (and perhaps worst) cracker jokes that you can use after polishing off your Christmas dinner.
All our best Christmas cracker jokes for 2022
What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?
Wrap
Why can't the Christmas tree stand up?
It doesn't have legs
Who is Santa’s favourite actor?
Willem Dafoe-ho-ho
Why does your nose get tired in winter?
It runs all day
Who tells the best Christmas jokes?
Reindeer. They sleigh every time
What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Santa Pause
Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them!
Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer?
Spruce Springsteen
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Crisp Kringle
Why is the turkey never hungry at Christmas?
It's stuffed
What does Santa use to bake cakes?
Elf-raising flour
Why did the choir have to cancel their carol concert?
They caught tinsel-itis
What is the duck's favourite Christmas carol?
In The Beak Midwinter
Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?
All Virgin flights were cancelled.
Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
They have herd immunity.
Why is it best to think of 2022 like a panto?
Because eventually, it's behind you.
What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet.
Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem?
Because they couldn't book a home delivery.
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost
Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?
Carbon footprints
Which of Santa's reindeer has the best moves?
Dancer!
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
What do you get if you put a bell on a skunk?
Jingle smells
I got a Christmas card full of rice in the post today...
I think it was from my Uncle Ben
How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas?
He felt his presents
Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
Because he has private elf care
Why did the Grinch go to Bargain Booze?
He was searching for some holiday spirit
What does Santa spend his wages on?
Jingle Bills
What is white and minty?
A polo bear!
What do elves do after school?
Their gnome work!
What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
Snow
How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
He was hooked on trees his whole life
What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?
Welfy!
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan!
What's the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?
One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!
Why are mummies such big fans of Christmas?
Because they enjoy wrapping
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus
What do you call an old snowman?
Water
What's the difference between Batman and the Grinch?
Batman can go into Whoville without Robin
What was the three wise men's favourite Christmas carol?
Oh Camel, Ye Faithful
What happened to the burglar who robbed an advent calendar factory?
He got 25 days
What do sheep say to each other at Christmas time?
Merry Christmas to ewe!
What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter "Y"!
When is a Christmas dinner bad for your health?
When you're the turkey...
What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?
Silent Night
What did the farmer get for Christmas?
A cowculator
What you can call a polar bear which wears ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you!
What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light?
You light me up!
What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker
How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
On the dark side!
What is the Grinch's least favourite band?
The Who!
How is Drake like an elf?
He spends all his time wrapping
What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?
St Nickerless
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered!
What’s a dog’s favourite carol?
Bark, the herald angels sing
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star?
Beyon-sleigh!
Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem?
It takes a miracle to find three wise men there
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy
Which Christmas carol is about an animal with three legs?
Little Wonkey
What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island?
A melt
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman
Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Dasher on eBay ?
Because they were two deer
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
What did the snowman say to the robin?
I have snow idea!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
"It's Christmas, Eve"
What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Snowflakes
What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no body to go with
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn't chicken
Why is Mrs Claus always checking Santa’s phone?
He seems to know where all the naughty girls live
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
Rude-olph!
Where would you find snowmen dancing?
At a snowball
How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed
Where do snowmen keep their money?
In a snowbank
Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill?
The National Elf Service!
Why did Santa quit smoking?
Because it was bad for his elf
What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas song?
Jungle bells
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite
What does Prince George play at Christmas instead of musical chairs?
Game of Thrones
Where do elves go to dance?
Christmas Balls
What are the best Christmas sweaters made from?
Fleece Navidad!
What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? Santapplause
What is Santa's dogs name?
Santa Paws!
How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus' weight when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger!
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
What do you sing at a Snowman’s party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken’s day off!
Which Christmas carol do dogs like best?
Bark the Herald Angels Sing!
Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him!
Who says "Oh, oh, oh"?
Santa walking backwards!
How can you keep your home warm this Christmas?
Tinsulation.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitis.
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