It’s fair to say that when Matt Hancock agreed to appear on the hit Diary of a CEO podcast, he didn’t expect it to go the way that it has.
The interview, which dropped earlier this week, was billed as the beginning of the former Health Secretary’s redemptive arc after nearly 10 months in the wilderness — a chance to set the record straight about the extra-marital affair that saw him forced to resign from cabinet last year, having broken Covid rules. Perhaps even to open the door to a Westminster career reboot.
Sadly, this wasn’t the takeaway for the majority of blue-tick profiles on social media. While some fixated on his tone-deaf talk of “falling deeply in love” (I’d urge you to seek out the clip currently doing the rounds that sets this part of the interview to a mournful musical score like an X-Factor sob-story VT); others took umbrage at the awkward way he consumes a Huel smoothie, à la Ed Miliband and his bacon sarnie. Hancock is, as you will already be aware, a one man, unintentional meme factory. These are instant classics to sit alongside other masterworks, such as ‘Hancock does parkour’ or ‘Hancock fake cries on breakfast TV’.
However, by far the biggest focus of this recent pile-on has been on what he’s wearing. Hancock sat there in tight stone-washed jeans, a navy turtle-neck jumper tucked into his waist, looking just like a “pound shop milk tray man” (you can thank TV presenter Lorraine Kelly for that delicious description).
Normally, I’d be reveling in the schadenfreude along with everybody else — after all, this is the chap who was the very public face of the government’s lockdown restrictions. But for me, that satisfaction is tempered by a very real sadness. Why? Because I am the owner of multiple turtle-necks. Thanks to Matt Hancock, I may never be able to wear one again.
If you watch the clip, then you’ll understand why. Hancock doesn’t just look bad, or gawky, or uncomfortable. He also looks deeply uncool. He man-spreads his way through 102 minutes of conversation. It’s pure David Brent energy.
This isn’t how it is supposed to be. The polo is a winter wardrobe staple for various reasons, but one is its versatility. Think of Bullitt-era Steve McQueen who rocks a turtle-neck with rock star style, or the Weeknd and his penchant for a slimline turtle-neck beneath a tailored suit on the red carpet, or even Pep Guardiola and his array of chunky knit versions, perfect for a chilly evening on the touchline. In one fell swoop, Matt Hancock has killed all of these options stone dead.
There’s only one chance here – not just for me, but for every other man like me - and that’s to wait it out in the hope that Matt Hancock will go viral about something else next week and we can forget this ever happened. Frankly, I wouldn’t bet against it.
