Warning: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED EPISODE 1 OF TED LASSO SEASON 3.
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Welcome to our Ted Lasso Power Rankings! Each week of the 12-episode season, For The Win will chat about the latest episode to see who is thriving and who is straight up not having a good time in the Ted Lasso universe. Let’s dig into it.
The third season of Ted Lasso certainly feels like the end of this show, although it is “not necessarily” the end of everything.
For the remainder of the series, however, we’re going to rank how well each character on the show is doing. Welcome to the first edition!
REVIEW: Ted Lasso’s third season feels like the end — now we have to trust them to stick the landing
We picked up with AFC Richmond promoted to the Premier League, but they’re hearing humiliating predictions from the media. Meanwhile, former AFC Richmond assistant Nate (the “wonder kid”) is coaching at West Ham United.
Roy Kent, while dealing with a breakup with Keeley Jones (who now runs her own PR agency), has replaced Nate as an assistant coach for Richmond.
Watch Ted Lasso on Apple TV+Here is what else is happening:
9
AFC Richmond
These guys are in the sewer … literally. Like everyone else, we’re placing them last.
In the words of team owner Rebecca Welton: Every newspaper, TV pundit, and lowly middle-aged sports blogging loser writing in his mothers’ basement predicts that AFC Richmond will finish last in the EPL and face relegation. Higgins’ 10-year-son started a sports blog in his kitchen, and even he predicts Richmond will place 20th out of 20.
Sam revealed the fictional Paddington Bear predicted a tough season for Richmond. Colin was told by a nun that he should fake an injury to avoid the misery of the upcoming season. It doesn’t look good for Richmond, folks.
8
Ted Lasso
I’m genuinely thrilled to see Ted Lasso take care of himself in therapy, but let’s be honest: The charm is as stronger as ever, but this dude is down bad.
He is clearly increasingly sad to not be on the same continent as his family, he is asking anyone who will listen why he is still there, and he is worried that he is doing more harm than good. His former assistant coach, Nate, told reporters Richmond has to train in the sewers because Lasso is such a poopy coach — and Ted agreed!
To make matters worse: He found out his ex-wife, Michelle, may have a new boyfriend.
7
Rebecca Welton
Rebecca wants nothing more than to “beat” her ex-husband, Rupert Mannion, the new owner of West Ham United. Nearly every move that she makes in this episode is made with that in the back of her mind.
As she said: “Everyone is laughing at us, Ted — at you, at our team, at me. Rupert is laughing at me, Ted, and I am begging you: Please, fight back.”
6
Keeley Jones
The breakup with Roy Kent is going … not well. You know it’s not a great sign when you’re so busy that you have to book time in your schedule simply to cry. She has a cool office now, but her CFO has forbidden her from buying too many flowers.
5
Roy Kent
His big move as an assistant coach is installing a 4-4-2 formation on the pitch. It’s not particularly inventive, but it makes sense that his coaching style is essentially K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid).
Off the pitch, the good news is that Roy’s niece, Phoebe, handled his breakup with Keeley very well. The bad news: Phoebe candidly told Roy that this was a “stupid” decision.
4
Nathan Shelley
Now as the coach for Rupert Mannion at West Ham, you’d think that Nate might feel a little bit less of an imposter syndrome. But this guy is still self-obsessed and constantly searching for his own name on Twitter.
He is belittling his players, putting them on the “dumb dumb line” and having them run until they “drop” during training. He berated reporters, too, and his parents are upset that he used a swear word during a press conference.
But hey, at least he has a fancy new car that he got as a gift from Rupert.
3
Jamie Tartt
Well, would you look at that! Despite a hilariously bad new haircut, it certainly seems like Jamie Tartt is emerging as a leader now that he has returned to Richmond. When things are not going well, he reminds his teammates that it’s “just poopy” and they have to let it flow. That’s a great approach and it was a wonderful moment of zen from the star.
2
Coach Beard
One could only pray to become as measured and collected as Coach Beard.
Richmond may have very poor projections for the season, but you’ve got to hand it to Coach Beard. He knows exactly how soon you can drive a bus after smoking toad venom and knew all about the Great Stink of 1858 in Central London. He’s just effortlessly cool and poised.
1
Rupert Mannion
As much as you hate to see it, the honest truth is that Rebecca Welton’s ex-husband, Rupert Mannion, is winning right now. The former owner of AFC Richmond, he now owns rival West Ham United. They are primed for a far better season than his old club.
We’ll see how long he is able to stay at the top, but for now, he’s the guy to beat.
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