Late-night hosts talked JD Vance’s heel-turn on Trump, Jim Justice’s bulldog Babydog and an argument between Matt Gaetz and Kevin McCarthy at the Republican national convention.
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert aired live on Wednesday evening, after the third night of the Republican national convention, which taught the Late Show host one lesson: “Politicians can be both horrifying and boring at the same time. It’s called ‘borrifying’.
“The only thing that helps is massive doses of whimsy,” he added with a bubble machine and some ragtime. “Each one of these little bursting bubbles? Represents a tiny piece of my soul.”
Colbert highlighted several speakers from the evening, including Trump’s newly announced running mate JD Vance. “Now we’re still learning about Vance, but one thing we know for sure is that he has a beard,” the Late Show host said of the Ohio senator. “Leading to last night’s headline in the Washington Post: ‘A bearded vice-president? JD Vance would be the first since 1933.’”
Vance rose to prominence with his 2016 memoir Hillbilly Elegy, on growing up in Rust belt Ohio with family lineage in Appalachia. “Which, of course, Disney later adapted into the Country Bear Jamboree,” Colbert joked.
The 39-year-old was once “an adamant never-Trumper”, Colbert explained. “But he changed his tune to get Trump’s endorsement in 2022, and now he’s full-metal Maga. In fact, he’s been called the ‘Maga heir-in-waiting’.”
Colbert broke out his Trump impression: “He’s like the son I never had,” he joked. “What? How many? OK, then he’s the bearded son I never had. What? How many?!”
In his speech, Vance “tried to claim America’s political center”, by saying “we have a big tent in this party”.
“It’s a holding area, where we will eventually hold the immigrants before we deport them,” Colbert mocked. “But tonight, we’re going to let Rudy Giuliani sleep there!
“Trump didn’t pick Vance just for his ideology,” Colbert noted. “He has a personal quality that Trump values above all others, and it’s cash.” Vance worked in venture capital and “has hooked Trump up to the Silicon Valley money pump”, Colbert explained, citing a dinner earlier this year that Vance hosted to connect Trump with two dozen tech and crypto investors in San Francisco. “Can you imagine being stuck at a dinner between crypto bros and Donald Trump?” Colbert laughed. “Waiter? I’ll have the chicken a la cyanide.”
Seth Meyers
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers reacted to only one thing from the Republican convention positively: Babydog, the bulldog toted on stage by the West Virginia governor, Jim Justice. “Babydog was definitely the highlight of the RNC so far,” Meyers said. “The lowlight was everything else, including a bizarre confrontation on the convention floor between former speaker Kevin McCarthy and Congressman Matt Gaetz.”
Gaetz, who led the charge to remove McCarthy as speaker, barged in during McCarthy’s live TV interview on the convention floor to tell him he would get booed off the stage. McCarthy, who has publicly reiterated charges that Gaetz had sexual relations with minors, again stated the ethics complaints against Gaetz on live TV.
“If you have dirty laundry in your past, maybe don’t barge in on live TV interviews,” Meyers laughed.
McCarthy also told Gaetz: “Don’t be an asshole.”
“Excuse me. Are you telling this guy not to be an asshole?” Meyers joked in his monologue. “Would you tell the sun not to shine, or the grass not to grow? Would you tell the surf not to crash on the shore?
“Look at that guy! That is a perfect central casting asshole!” he continued. “If you were a decent person, and you were about to embark on a year-long campaign to try and become the best asshole you could ever be, this is the picture you’d tape to your fridge!”
