Late-night hosts talked Donald Trump’s shortlist for running mates, Joe Biden’s efforts to reassure voters after the debate and the 900-page far-right manifesto that is Project 2025.
Stephen Colbert
Who will Donald Trump pick as his running mate? As of Tuesday evening, the former president had narrowed down the options to the Florida senator Marco Rubio, the Ohio senator JD Vance and the North Dakota governor, Doug Burgum.
Vance is “interesting”, said Stephen Colbert on The Late Show, “because he has what the others don’t: a beard”.
If picked and then elected, Vance would be the first vice-president in over 150 years with a full beard, though Trump reportedly does not like it. “Trump doesn’t like beards? But why on earth would he hate – oh OK, yeah, makes sense,” said Colbert next to a photo of Trump’s two bearded sons, Eric and Don Jr.
On the Democratic side, “Joe Biden is one day older, but determined to stay in the race,” said Colbert. “And to do that, he needs the support of his party,” so congressional Democrats gathered on Tuesday behind closed doors to talk about Biden’s future in what one called a “come to Jesus meeting”.
“No, no, do not let Joe come anywhere near Jesus until November 6!” Colbert exclaimed. “Walk away from the light, Joe. Get away!”
The tone of the meeting was reportedly somber, with one participant likening it to a funeral, while another called that comparison an “insult to funerals”.
“Hey Democrats, keep it light,” Colbert advised. “An ‘insult to funerals’ is not a rallying cry, but it is the tagline for Pizza Hut’s new Meat Lover’s Coffin.”
Seth Meyers
On Monday, the White House physician, Dr Kevin O’Connor, said Biden was not displaying signs of Parkinson’s disease. “Yep, that’s where we are right now: that’s the good news,” Seth Meyers lamented on Late Night. “Throw it on a bumper sticker!”
In other election news, Trump tried to distance himself from the far-right blueprint known as Project 2025, saying on Truth Social: “I know nothing about Project 2025. I have no idea who’s behind it.”
“Here’s the thing: when Trump is pretending to know something, he’s a pretty good liar,” said Meyers. “But when he’s pretending he doesn’t know something, he’s a terrible liar. Remember when he pretended not to know that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had died?
“So yeah, he knows all about Project 2025,” he added.
The disgraced Fyre Festival founder Billy McFarland is reportedly now working for the Trump campaign, “which is the first good news Biden has gotten in weeks”, Meyers quipped.
Biden criticized Trump during an interview on Monday by saying he “makes George Wallace look like a patriot”.
“That’s right, he’s fighting those age allegations with a joke about the governor of Alabama in 1963,” Meyers laughed.
Biden also joined his campaign’s national finance committee conference call, “and for a guy his age, joining a conference call is a pretty decent cognitive test!” Meyers noted.
In a separate call with donors, Biden said he was done talking about the debate. “Bold strategy, considering that was also his approach during the debate,” Meyers joked.
The Daily Show
Project 2025: conservative fan fiction that could become fan reality pic.twitter.com/TWvtYwnFiN
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) July 10, 2024
And on The Daily Show, guest hosts Desi Lydic and Jordan Klepper looked into Project 2025, a 900-page document from a rightwing thinktank that Lydic described as “basically conservative fan fiction, which could very well become fan reality”.
“It’s full of terrifying proposals that range from burning more fossil fuels to outlawing pornography,” she explained. “Which is bad news for people who like to masturbate and horrible news for people who like to masturbate to our flourishing coral reefs.”
The proposal is supported by a number of Trump’s top aides, “but apparently it’s getting a little too controversial for Trump now”, said Lydic, “because he’s running away from it like it’s a disabled veteran who wants a selfie”.
The former president posted on Truth Social: “I know nothing about Project 2025. I have no idea who is behind it. I disagree with some of the things they’re saying and some of the things they’re saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal. Anything they do, I wish them luck, but I have nothing to do with them.”
“Really? You expect us to believe Donald Trump didn’t read a 900-page … OK, now that I’m saying that, I hear it … ,” said Klepper.
“This is textbook Trump,” he added. “He hides his dog whistles next to some plausible deniability. Every tweet is like a Cheesecake Factory menu, you know? There’s something for everybody. And he doesn’t mind if it’s full of contradictions. He hasn’t read Project 2025, but he likes parts of it. He has no idea who’s behind it, but he hired most of them. He thinks it’s abysmal, but he wishes them luck. He has one hand in his pocket, and the other one is giving a high-five.”
