Late-night hosts react to Joe Biden’s shock decision to exit the presidential race and presumptive nominee Kamala Harris’s options for a running mate.
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert reacted to the news that Joe Biden would suspend his presidential campaign to make way for a different Democratic candidate with gratitude. “This makes sense. It will give them time to rest up for 2028,” the Late Show host joked on Monday evening. “And I for one want to salute this good man for the selfless act of stepping aside from being the most powerful person in the world, for the greater good.
“I believe that this act puts Joe Biden in the league with history’s most selfless leaders: the Roman general Cincinnatus, the father of our country, George Washington, and Kim Cattrall, who has stepped down as Samantha after Pelosi showed her the polls,” he added.
In a letter posted on X, Biden addressed Americans directly: “I believe it is in the best interest of my party and the country for me to stand down and to focus solely on fulfilling my duties as President for the remainder of my term.”
“You don’t see that everyday: courage, grace, humility, true patriotism,” said Colbert. “I will tell you one thing: that guy would make a great president.
“For all you cynical people out there who say, ‘Oh, I don’t pay attention to politics, because I know what’s going to happen, I’ve seen it all before’ – no you don’t, and no you haven’t!” Colbert continued. “The presidential debate was on June 27, less than a month ago. Since then, there’s been an assassination attempt, a cult convention and the debut of Matt Gaetz’s new face,” he joked, referring to the Florida congressman’s apparent plastic surgery. “That really raised some eyebrows, and good luck lowering them.
“For the first time in US history, the sitting president has dropped out of the race after the primaries are long over,” he said. “You know, growing up, we all had textbooks with names like American History Volume 1: 1492-1877. Future generations will spend whole semesters on the First Half of July 2024.”
Colbert concluded with appreciation for Biden’s record in office: “I believe he has been a great president. He steered this country out of a horrific pandemic. He saved countless lives by encouraging people to get vaccinated. He brought the economy back. He rallied our allies. He reasserted America’s place on the world stage and most inspiring of all, at no time was he Donald Trump.”
And to mark the occasion, he officially retired his Biden aviator sunglasses. “Those aviators did the hardest job of all: they made it seem like I had a Joe Biden impression,” he quipped.
Jimmy Fallon
And on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon also acknowledged Biden’s “historic” decision to step aside. “Typically on Sundays everyone thinks about quitting their jobs, but Biden is the first person to actually go through with it,” he joked.
“You know what would be nice? If we could have one weekend in July where our entire political world isn’t thrown into chaos,” Fallon added.
“Biden is now getting credit for guiding us through the pandemic, creating millions of jobs, rebuilding our nation’s crumbling infrastructure and eliminating billions in student loans,” he noted. “Democrats heard that and were like, ‘Hey, this guy should run for president!’”
After the announcement, people gathered near the White House to celebrate. “Biden’s not quite sure how to feel. I mean, ‘thanks for leaving’ is not really a compliment, you know?” Fallon laughed.
Now that Kamala Harris is the presumptive Democratic nominee, speculation abounds on her choice of running mate. According to political pundits, the vice-president should look for a white man from the midwest. To those characteristics, Fallon added: “someone who bites their bottom lip while dancing”, “someone who can name more than two Nascar drivers” and “someone who shops in J Crew’s flat-butt khaki section”.
Donald Trump, meanwhile, called Biden “the worst president in history” and “an incompetent man who should’ve never been president”.
“Glad that ‘unify the country’ thing lasted a full eight seconds,” Fallon deadpanned.
