It’s the most wonderful time of year! That’s right, the time for having our true colours mercilessly revealed by Spotify Wrapped is upon us once more.
Given that it’s compiled by an algorithm that simply tots up all of the things people actively chose to listen to, you would think that Wrapped wouldn’t come as so much of a surprise; it’s quite clear who exactly was solely responsible for pressing play on the ten minute Taylor’s Version of All Too Well (47 times within a week) after all. Still, there’s something quite harrowing about seeing all of it together in the same place, isn’t there?
When we’re in polite company, we make certain music choices; a nice tasteful bit of jaunty instrumental music in the background here, a crafty bit of the week’s most talked-about new album there. Behind closed doors, however, is another story; a feral realm where obsessions rule supreme and capacity for repetition knows no bounds.
It’s a revealing and occasionally traumatic time, and avid listeners at the Evening Standard have not been immune from finding that their Wrapped line-ups cut a little close to the bone…
Buzz, buzz, and more buzz.... until September, that is
Compared with the year when I ranked in the top 0.05 per cent of Harry Styles listeners (horrifying or impressive? I still can’t decide) my Wrapped results for 2023 are relatively sedate; I listened to a lot of the Mercury nominees Jockstrap, everyone’s new favourite buzzband The Last Dinner Party, and North East producer and DJ Anish Kumar.
This surface level trendiness is hugely misleading, though, and September possibly reveals where my heart ultimately lies. According to ‘the stats’, in that month I exclusively listened to a truly alarming quantity of Madonna (in her top 0.5 per cent of listeners, to be exact) and Kylie, along with Islands in the Stream, and the Sex and the City podcast And So I Got To Thinking. Could this sudden vibe switch have anything to do with the fact I was helplessly convalescing after a foot op and tanked up to my eyeballs on incredibly strong painkillers? Quite possibly, but I don’t regret a single play of Padam Padam. El Hunt
So chaotic it prompted an existential crisis
The excuse for the abomination that is my Wrapped is that my kids also use my account, which has warped it into psychopath territory. Still, though, it hurts. It hurts when I see that my music tastes align most closely not with those on the lower east New York art scene, but with the good people of Canberra, Australia, who also listen a lot to The Cast of Roald Dahl’s Matilda and ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic.
It hurts that my top song was Rush E by Sheet Music Boss – I had no idea what this is until I just played it now; it sounds like a digital pig in a blender – and my second favourite was Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler, which, to be fair, is an absolute juggernaut of a ballad. Overall, I’m very worried about the way I’ve brought up my children. My only contribution that I can see is that in July my top artist was Nirvana, a clear sign that I was having a massive breakdown and retreating into a fantasy world of the early 90s when I still had a future. Martin Robinson
A little too close to the bone
My most listened to song was Lost The Breakup by Maisie Peters which makes me think I did, in fact, lose the breakup…Sophie Butcher
Confirmation of basic status
I've been trying to fight it but this year's Spotify Wrapped confirms I'm a basic bitch to my core. My most listened to artists were Miley Cyrus, Beyoncé and Taylor Swift. As incredible as these women are I'm deeply ashamed not to have more refined tastes.
My third most listened to artist was the pianist De Maynes, but if I'm honest it's only because I blast it in my ears everyday to drown out irritating colleagues. My top artist was Cleo Sol, whom I proudly adore. It seems I listened to Only You by Yazoo incessantly as well as Breathless by The Corrs which I find to be one of the most joyful songs in the world. Suzannah Ramsdale
Trying (and failing) to be cool about it
After three years of my Spotify Wrapped resembling a stalker's shrine to Phoebe Bridgers, I’ve finally been able to break free from my sad-girl mould and accomplish a brand new top artist. Oh wait never mind, it’s Phoebe’s band, boygenius.
But it doesn’t stop there – a new low was found with the subsequent rankings being Phoebe herself, and then her bandmates Julien Baker and Lucy Dacus in third and fourth. Followed by an exceptionally rogue Daisy Jones and the Six soundtrack in fifth place (God knows what I was going through there). And of course you can't forget every top song being off the boygenius album. Here's to making even more despicable musical decisions in 2024. Kate Rice
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
Being in the top 2 per cent of Taylor Swift’s listeners comes as no surprise to those around me. Perhaps they even expected me to place in a slightly higher percentile. Naturally, in a desperate bid to seek out some mutual embarrassment, I posted my results on Instagram (screenshot of the fan message from Taylor herself included).
Alongside my other top artists, which included Andrew Bird, Pinegrove, Phoebe Bridgers and Sufjan Stevens, the most mortifying element of my Wrapped this year was the result of a spanking new feature which determines your listening ‘style’. Spotify has classed me as a ‘vampire’ who likes to “embrace a little…darkness” (ellipses included in the original copy). A friend responded that this was more embarrassing than when Spotify called her out last year for listening to music with a distinct ‘yearning’ theme. Some of us are simply still in our Twilight era. Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine is next in the queue as we speak. Saskia Kemsley
Machiavellian as f**k
I am pleasantly surprised that my Spotify Wrapped is nearly all women, maybe the Reading and Leeds lineup has some hope this year. Other than that it's all pretty tame, unlike my mate who listened to so much of the Succession soundtrack that its score composer (Nicholas Britell) is in his top artists. Maddy Mussen
Here for my flowers
In a huge blow to my alt credentials I have to admit my most listened to song of 2023 was of little surprise. While seemingly at odds with the rock, punk and hardcore bands that dominated my listening (this year and every other year since I discovered eyeliner as an angsty teen), really – when you think about it – Miley Cyrus is the biggest rebel of them all.
Flowers, for me and all my fellow basics this summer, was a light, bright, and eminently catchy anthem of female empowerment. We can buy ourselves flowers. We don't need Liam Hemsworth. And we thank Miley for the reminder. The woman's an unapologetic rockstar, and I have zero shame. Samantha Herbert
