Regina King is “a different person” after her son’s death by suicide, the actor and director said in her first interview about her son since his death.
“Grief is a journey,” King told Good Morning America’s Robin Roberts in a segment that aired on Thursday morning. “I understand that grief is love, that it has no place to go. I know that it’s important for me to honor Ian in the totality of who he is.”
King’s son, Ian Alexander Jr, died January 2022 at the age of 26. He was a musician and DJ and often accompanied King to her red carpet events.
“When it comes to depression, people expect it to look a certain way, and they expect it to look heavy,” King said, fighting back tears. “To have to experience this and not be able to have the time to just sit with Ian’s choice, which I respect and understand that he didn’t want to be here any more. That’s a hard thing for other people to receive because they did not live our experience.”
Roberts told King that many people will “appreciate the fact that you said it’s his choice and that you recognize that”.
The If Beale Street Could Talk actor went on to say that she was “so angry with God”.
“Why would that weight be given to Ian? Of all the things that we have gone through – the therapy, psychiatry, programs – Ian was just like, ‘I’m tired of talking, Mom,’” she said.
“My favorite thing about myself is being Ian’s mom,” King said. “I can’t say that with a smile, with tears, with all the emotions that comes with that if I did not respect the journey.”
King said she often feels guilt, as is common when a parent loses a child.
“You still wonder what could I have done so that wouldn’t have happened,” she said. “I know that I share this grief with everyone, but no one else is Ian’s mom. Only me. It’s mine, and the sadness will never go away. It will always be with me.”
But, King said, “the sadness is a reminder of how much he means to me”.
King dedicated her upcoming biopic on Shirley Chisholm, the first Black women to serve in Congress, to her son. King stars as Chisholm and is also a producer for the film.
In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org
