The Dallas Cowboys coined the term Hail Mary, and now they’re putting a different spin on the coffin corner.
Rabid fans of the team have something to die for — a custom casket decked out in the NFL team’s colors and iconic lone-star logo.
For a proud franchise that hasn’t won a Super Bowl since 1996, it’s just one more letdown.
We’re No. 3!
Washington has just been rated the third-rudest state by MoneyWise.com.
Hey, if your team hadn’t made the MLB playoffs since 2001 in a place where it never stops raining, you’d be cranky too.
Extra Splash Brother
The Warriors allegedly banned Dawson Gurley — a Klay Thompson look-alike — after he walked past five layers of security guards at the Chase Center, made it all the way to the court and shot around for about 10 minutes before Game 5 of the NBA Finals before he was detected.
The Celtics only wish he could’ve stuck around and played in the actual game.
Ocean ahoy
Andrew Bedwell, a 48-year-old Englishman, plans to cross the Atlantic Ocean — 1,900 miles — next May in a 3-foot, 3-inch vessel he built himself.
Our first reaction? He and his idea are a little dinghy.
Off with his hair!
Ever hear of getting the short haircut — twice?
Angels manager Joe Maddon, trying to alleviate the tension of a 13-game losing streak, got a Mohawk to surprise his players, but the team fired him before he could show it to them.
Sultan of Squat
Yadier Molina caught a foul pop-up by the Pirates’ Ke’Bryan Hayes to break the MLB all-time record with his 14,865 putout as a catcher.
No word on whether the knowledgeable Cardinal fans gave him a squatting ovation.
Astros 2, Steelers 1
The Astros became the first team to throw two immaculate innings in one game, thus making catcher Martin Maldonado the first with two immaculate receptions.
Eat your heart out, Franco Harris!
Macho mail
Muhammad Ali on a commemorative stamp? It’s way overdue.
As the ever-confident heavyweight champ, who died in 2016, once said: “I should be a postage stamp. That’s the only way I’ll ever get licked.”
Envelope, please
Bonehead of the year? How about:
a) the team that gave a QB facing a possible year-or-more suspension $230 million after trading three first-round picks for him
b) the fan with a fresh “Boston Celtics NBA 2022 world champions” tattoo on his upper arm
One if by land …
The next five Army-Navy football game will be played in five different cities in the Northeast, it was announced.
The Navy immediately cried foul, correctly pointing out that all of the games will be played on land.
Higher calling
Colts strong safety Khari Willis abruptly retired from the NFL at age 26 to join the ministry.
Or, as Indy spin-doctors put it, he got an offer sheet from the Saints.
Talking the talk
— Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on Lou Angelos suing his mother and brother over ownership of the Orioles: “Thanksgiving dinner at the Angelos residence ought to be a fun time for all.”
— Ethan Bird of Meridian, Mississippi’s WTOK-TV, noting the local 10-day forecast called for temperatures ranging from 95 to 99: “It’s looking a little bit like those Dallas Cowboys — peaking in the 90s.”
Left, right, left, right
Jurrangelo Cijntje, an ambidextrous high-school pitcher from Hialeah, Fla., and a Mississippi State commit, can reach 96 mph throwing right-handed and 92 left-handed.
Imagine the endless machinations when a switch-hitter comes up to bat.
Quote marks
— Storm star Sue Bird, 41, via Twitter, on being named to the WNBA’s 10th-anniversary team 16 years ago: “Forgot what it’s like to be one of the youngest in the group photo.”
— Tim Hunter of Everett’s KRKO Radio, on President Biden’s plans to visit Saudi Arabia next month: “He’s now been banned from playing with the PGA.”
— Brad Botkins of CBSsports.com, on criticism of Steph Curry even after he won his fourth NBA title: “I saw a couple of tweets saying he’s still a ‘system player.’ He is the system!”
— RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on mixed-gender bobsleigh teams: “One female pilot with three men telling her how to drive.”
— Golf writer Geoff Shackleford, on Dustin Johnson joining the upstart LIV Tour: “Guess the wedding was more expensive than we thought!”
