Everyone wants to be perfect. But no one is. That's why showing real vulnerability and admitting your shortcomings strengthens your leadership.
Being vulnerable is vital. People can't maintain false pretenses for long. The line between work and life has blurred with smartphones and 24-hour access, says Joe Davis, managing director and senior partner at global business consulting firm Boston Consulting Group and author of "The Generous Leader."
"People also want to see a human self in their leader, and they have to if they're going to be inspired to follow," he said. "People are looking for a leader to be real and honest."
Leaders need to bring their authentic self to their role, Davis says. And that includes vulnerability. If someone carries a facade of being perfect, people can't relate to them.
Boost Vulnerability By Saying 'I Don't Know'
Early in his career, Davis asked a leader at Boston Consulting if he knew how to solve a problem he was struggling with. The leader said, "I don't know, either. Let's go ask this guy."
"It was a powerful signal to me that it's OK to not know the answer," Davis said.
Davis later worked with the leader of a group struggling to solve a problem. They asked him to help, and the leader said he didn't know the answer, either.
"It was like a breath of fresh air," Davis said. "The brainstorming and creativity shot through the roof. That's very powerful."
Anton Skornyakov, Berlin, Germany-based organizational coach and author of "The Art of Slicing Work," ties vulnerability to the ability to accept tough feedback.
It all starts with the reality that most ideas aren't very good, he says. Look at the percentage of startup companies that fail. But accepting the high volume of miscues makes it easier to admit your own mistakes, he says. That sets the tone for your group.
"If you don't do that, no one else will, either," he said.
Feedback on both sides plays a key role in vulnerability. Open yourself up to be able to accept tough feedback and to give it.
Push For Harsh Feedback In Vulnerability
Management expert Dave Snowden created a process called ritual dissent to ensure tough feedback was delivered. The person who creates an idea or project asks their working group to "completely destroy it," Skornyakov said. Those in the group would raise every negative aspect they could. The creator takes notes and simply says, "Thank you."
"Once you've done it a couple of times you see that what you created was criticized but you were not destroyed," Skornyakov said. "Because it's a ritual, it's nothing personal. And you can use that feedback to improve it."
Give valuable feedback by first explaining the issue, such as a person missing a deadline. Then talk about how it made you feel and the effects of the missed deadline. Maybe you were disappointed because the project is so important to you. Describe how the missed deadline affected others. Finally, explain the next steps to ensure it doesn't happen again.
"The hardest part is the middle one: admitting how important this is to you," Skornyakov said. "That makes you vulnerable."
Positive feedback can work the same way.
One of Davis' colleagues suggested thinking back to a time you opened up and see how you felt. It could be as simple as telling others you had a bad night because your child was sick.
He also tells leaders to be vulnerable because it makes it easier for others to relate to you.
When the leader shows vulnerability, others are willing to own up to their own issues and figure out how to move past them.
"That is very powerful for productivity," Davis said. "Employees are expecting and demanding more of a human side. If you can't show it, then I don't think you keep the best."
