Week 7’s Thursday Night Football game isn’t just a clash between a pair of 2-4 teams. It’s also a treatise on the three-plus year coaching tenure of Kliff Kingsbury, the viability of Andy Dalton as a starting quarterback and the vulnerability of the NFC at large.
More notably, it’s the backdrop for a Taylor Swift … thing. Project? Either way, the NFL’s most reliable night for terrible football is being buttressed by one of the world’s most popular singers. A showdown between the Arizona Cardinals and New Orleans Saints will likely see an uptick in second half viewership unrelated to whether the game is close or not. It’ll be because a teaser trailer for her new album, “Midnights”, is set to premiere between the third and fourth quarters.
Should you watch Thursday Night Football’s game between the Cardinals and Saints? Here’s a 10-step — or less — guide to gauge whether this broadcast is for you.
1. Are you only here because Taylor Swift told you to get Amazon Prime because she knows how to get that Bezos money?
If yes, go to 11, if no go to 2.
2. Do you enjoy football?
If yes, go to 3, if no go to 13.
3. Do you enjoy *bad* football?
If yes, go to 5, if no go to 7.
4. Do you enjoy rugged ginger quarterbacks with resplendent red beards?
If yes, go to 12, if no go to 13.
5. Are you interested in watching Rondale Moore screen passes at least once per quarter?
If yes, go to 6, if you have no idea what I’m talking about, go to 6.
6. Do you enjoy watching the dark circles under Cardinals coach Kliff Kingsbury’s eyes increase in color, magnitude and sadness as the NFL regular season rolls on?
If yes, go to 7, if no go to 13.
7. Were you desperate enough to add Marquez Callaway to your fantasy lineup?
If yes, go to 8, if no go to 13.
8. Are you independently researching PEDs and looking to track DeAndre Hopkins’ post-suspension performance against his previous, possibly juiced-up days?
If yes, go to 9, if no go to 13.
9. Are you a member of Taysom Hill’s family?
If yes, go to 10, if no go to 13.
10. Are you a Falcons fan, simply watching in hopes of the Saints falling flat on their faces and providing the schadenfreude that constitutes 80 percent of your football enjoyment?
If yes, go to 14, if no go to 13.
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11. Tune in around 10:30 p.m. ET. Try not to get any of the football stink on you.
12. Here’s a picture of Andy Dalton. Now you don’t have to watch this game.
13. No, you should absolutely not watch this game.
14. Congratulations, you are the prime audience for this Thursday night matchup between awful football teams! Have fun, weirdo.
