When I was a teen, there was no question in our family whether I could get a lock for my room, or whether elders should knock when entering it. Everything was much simpler – I didn’t have my own room. As they say, “no room – no problem…”
However, the 16-year-old son of the user u/Counting_blessings_ was a little luckier than the young me. He does have his own room – but on the other hand, his mom sincerely believes that any attempt by her son to lock himself in there is nothing more than a manifestation of disrespect for his parents. And the dad… well, the dad supported his son, but did it a little ambiguously.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has a 16 Y.O. son who recently moved to his own room
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
The problem was that the author’s wife turned out to be completely disrespectful towards her son’s privacy in general
Image credits: Counting_blessings_
The woman used to barge in numerous times a day without even knocking, which infuriated the teen very much
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Counting_blessings_
So the boy decided to get a lock for his room – and the dad supported this decision
Image credits: Eren Li (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Counting_blessings_
However, when the woman went dramatic over the lock, the man only muttered something like “I warned you” and nothing more
So, a few months ago, according to the Original Poster (OP), his 16-year-old son “Simon” moved out of the room he shared with his youngest son into his own room. And almost immediately the question of privacy and personal boundaries arose in the family.
The whole point is that in the family of the author’s wife, it was believed that none of the family members should close themselves off from each other, that relatives “should not have any secrets.” In turn, the OP himself grew up in a family where, according to him, they tried to respect everyone’s personal boundaries as much as possible.
Needless to say, Simon didn’t like the fact that his mother could enter his room at any time without knocking. The teenager tried to defend these boundaries, but the mom claimed that they’re “family, not strangers,” and that it was actually ridiculous to demand that she knock on the door in her own home.
When the woman once again barged into the son’s room, around 11pm when he was already asleep, this became the last straw. Simon talked to his father and, collecting his pocket money, bought a lock for his door. Now imagine mom’s indignation when she saw the door locked from inside!
And here, by the way, the original poster behaved far from the best. Instead of actively intervening and supporting his son, he chose to say something like “I warned you,” while keeping silent about the fact that he himself advised Simon to get a lock.
Perhaps in this way the man tried to avoid any bigger drama – but the problem still remained. The woman, according to the author, is now giving the silent treatment to both her husband and eldest son – “till they remove the lock,” but Simon has no intention of doing this.
Image credits: Max Vakhtbovycn (not the actual photo)
“Of course, I agree with this teenager that every person has the right to have privacy, and that if mom doesn’t respect this right, then a lock seems like a reasonable solution,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch over this case. “At the end of the day, just because you were raised differently doesn’t mean it was the only right way.”
“On the other hand, it seems to me that the father didn’t act entirely decisively in this situation – he should’ve supported his son publicly. Even if the teen bought the lock with his own money, if the father did share his point of view, he should’ve told his wife about it personally, and not hide behind weasel words. I hope this man will find the strength to do so in the future,” Irina concludes.
The vast majority of commenters, of course, sided with the teen, arguing that his mother simply didn’t respect his personal boundaries at all. “Locks mean secrets? Really? No, a lock in this case means ‘I am keeping this lock because my crazy mother won’t rein in her habit of barging into my room’,” one person wrote. “Clearly the mom is oblivious to what 16 year old boys need privacy for,” another one added quite sarcastically.
And people in the comments also criticized the dad for his unwillingness to decisively stand up for his son in this conflict – even if he tacitly supports him. “If you truly wanted to support your son you should’ve admitted you told Simon to go get a lock. You shouldn’t have tried to pass it off as if you had nothing to do with it,” another person in the comments wrote. So do you, our dear readers, agree with this point of view?
People in the comments praised the man for siding with the son, but called him out for being so indecisive
