Gosh, what a moving article by Gaby Hinsliff (Losing a parent is a bewildering, lonely experience. Here are the things I wish I had known before, 5 September). It brought back so many memories of my mother dying, even though it was over 50 years ago. She, too, like Gaby’s mother, died of a then-unknown cancer that ravaged her body and which made her almost unrecognisable. A small army of neighbours and our family helped nurse her until she passed away at home. So definitely, Gaby, you are not alone.
Afterwards, mourning can be a difficult and, at times, a very distressing process. It took me several years before I could even talk about my mum’s death, but eventually, as they say, time is a great healer and I learned to be able to talk about what a wonderful and utterly supportive mother she had been.
Bob Dawson
Greenmount, Greater Manchester
• I thought Gaby Hinsliff’s piece on losing a parent was beautifully done. It reminded me of my mother’s sudden death in 2010. We were inundated with sympathy cards. I’d not realised their importance before. Each one gave us a multitude of insights into Mum’s life and her interaction with others. Indeed, I felt I only got a true picture of her in death through the countless stories of small acts of kindness and selflessness.
The cards have been a crucial part of the grieving process and have been something I’ve returned to to remind myself how lucky I was to have my mum.
John Lovell
Eastby, North Yorkshire
• I was much moved by Gaby Hinsliff’s article, not least because my father, who died three years ago, was a friend and neighbour of Judy and Geoff Hinsliff. Like her, he gave to the community in a myriad ways (Other lives, 18 June 2023). Unlike her, he died quite slowly and there was plenty of time to grieve in advance, but it’s never quite enough. Thank you, Gaby, for those reflections. Although every death is unique, there is a lot in common too.
Patrick Thomas
Fishguard, Pembrokeshire
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