The 'sex fast' trend is popularising the benefits of having less sex with your partner - and intimacy experts have shared why saying 'no' to sex can paradoxically supercharge your relationship.
Family life is chaotic, hectic, and time-consuming sometimes - a fact that can often leave your relationship struggling, with other more pressing demands taking time away from intimate moments and loved-up date nights, leaving you to wonder how to spice up your sex life. Then there's also the daunting thought of sex that mums experience after giving birth, with one author revealing that after giving birth, she didn’t want sex for three years and it left her relationship at breaking point.
But while research has shown previously that reframing one simple habit could get your sex life back on track after having a baby, experts are also making sure busy parents know that sex is not the be-all and end-all relationship fixer. In fact, they say, actively choosing not to have sex could actually 'supercharge' your relationship and leave you feeling closer to your partner than ever before.
What is a 'sex fast'? We check with an expert
It's when a couple agrees mutually to abstain from sex for a certain period of time. The paradoxical 'sex fast' trend is simply 'mindful abstinence'.
"It sounds crazy, we know," the sex expert, or sexpert, Peachy told GoodtoKnow. "But sometimes, saying 'no' to sex can actually lead to having more – and better – sex. This counterintuitive approach might just be the key to unlocking a more satisfying sex life."
So how does not having sex improve a relationship? According to Peachy, there are three major benefits;
- Absence makes the heart (and other parts) grow fonder. " Taking a break can help rebuild anticipation and desire," they explain. "It's like denying yourself chocolate for a week – that first bite afterwards tastes even sweeter."
- It's not just about saying 'no'. One of the key aspects of a sex fast is that you're agreeing to do one, together, with your partner. And, in place of sex, you need to implement other forms of intimacy as a substitute. One of Peachy's go-to alternatives is to 'dance like no one's watching.' They explain, "It's fun, it's freeing, and it reminds you that your body is for more than just sex - it's for joy and expression too. Put on some music and dance together. It's about feeling good in your body and with your partner."Plus, it's a great way to practise non-sexual touch and build physical chemistry." Other alternatives they recommend include sensual massages, deep conversations, or even just holding hands while watching Netflix.
- Performance pressure? What performance pressure? "Knowing sex is off the table can actually be a relief. It removes the pressure to 'perform' and allows you to enjoy being close to your partner."
It also, they add, makes sure that partners are only saying yes to sex they want to have, rather than to sex they think they should be having. "By taking a break, you're more likely to only say 'yes' when you really, really want to," they explain. "And let's face it, enthusiastic sex is always better than obligatory sex."
In other relationship news, the 'strongest' marriages are made they don't just happen, according to new study. Plus, do you keep arguing with your partner? Psychiatrist reveals the one phrase that could save your relationship. And, it takes more than 'things in common' for your marriage to survive, say scientists who identify the one sign to predict marital bliss.
