Late-night hosts discuss Donald Trump’s absence from the campaign trail, JD Vance’s lack of charm and Raygun’s apology to the breakdancing community.
Seth Meyers
With less than two months to go until election day, Joe Biden has joined Kamala Harris on the campaign trail, while Harris’s running mate, Tim Walz, courted union voters in Milwaukee. In contrast, Donald Trump and his running mate, JD Vance, have been absent from the campaign trail this week. “I mean, in fairness, Trump and Vance were probably in the backyard in Mar-a-Lago hosting their annual neighborhood barbecue, where old weird beard over here made awkward conversation with people,” said Seth Meyers on Late Night.
“Maybe I’m being hard on JD. I bet he’d be fun to have a beer with – let’s let him explain why,” said Meyers, before a clip of Vance at a campaign stop in Milwaukee. Asked “Why would people in Wisconsin want to have a beer with you?”, the Ohio senator responded: “Well, I guess they’d want to have a beer with me because I actually do like to drink beer.”
“Well, it’s official: JD Vance has done the impossible. He’s made Mike Pence the fun one!” Meyers joked. “JD Vance answers simple questions like he’s in an episode of Frasier where Niles accidentally joins a biker gang.”
The candidates are staring down the home stretch, as early voting in Pennsylvania begins in two weeks. “I would say that’s not a lot of time, but then again, as we know from recent experience, a lot of crazy shit can happen in two weeks,” Meyers said. “That’s enough time for Joe Biden to re-enter the race, drop out a second time, accidentally endorse Donald Trump, rescind his endorsement, wander on to the debate stage next week because he forgot to take it off his calendar.
“We know so much can change in the next two months because of how much has changed in the last two months,” Meyers added. Until very recently, the Trump campaign was confident it could flip solidly blue states, a position it has quietly backed away from. “A lot has changed, and a lot can still change,” Meyers concluded, “but one thing seems certain: the election is going to be close, and the pro-GOP bias of the electoral college makes it even closer. Trump’s hiding out in the bubble of the rightwing media hoping that’s enough.”
Stephen Colbert
The presidential election remains a toss-up, as an average of 15% of likely voters say they have not firmly decided their choice. “How is that possible?” Stephen Colbert wondered on The Late Show.
Trump and Harris are both trying to woo these undecided voters, but targeting different groups. Harris is reportedly after women “of all stripes – or, as JD Vance calls them, ‘WITCH!’” Colbert joked. “Women shouldn’t have stripes, women should have babies! All those stripes make it hard for me to find them in the tall grass!”
Harris is also seeking to reach young voters. “That is so important,” said Colbert. “I am also reaching out to young people, mostly to ask: how do you do that thing on Uber where you add a stop?”
Harris is reportedly employing a Trump stand-in for her debate prep named Philippe Reines, who also played the same role for Hillary Clinton in 2016. “What are you thinking?! Get him out of there!” Colbert exclaimed. “He’s cursed! Make him Pokemon Go away.”
Meanwhile, Trump is reportedly not preparing, as according to a spokesperson who told the Daily Beast: “President Trump has proven to be one of the best debaters in political history as evidenced by his knockout blow to Joe Biden.”
“OK, let’s be clear: Trump did not deal the knockout blow to Biden. Time did that,” Colbert corrected. “It’s like when dads say ‘we had a baby!’ You were there, but pump the brakes. Someone else did a lot of work.”
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel opened with sports news: the controversial Australian breaker Rachel Gunn, AKA Raygun, issued an official apology to the breakdance community for backlash caused by her viral performance at the Paris Olympics. “Which I think is unnecessary,” said Kimmel. “Besides Ozone and Turbo, Raygun is the only breakdancer I’ve ever heard of. To me, she was the best part of the whole Olympics.
“This poor woman got so much criticism, and I don’t think people realize – do you know how much harder it is to make the Olympic team when you’re bad at your sport? It’s almost impossible!”
In Trump news, the former president was served with a superseding indictment last week in the case regarding his attempts to overturn the election. The special counsel Jack Smith refiled his case after the supreme court ruled that his official acts as president were immune from prosecution. “Prosecuting Trump is like painting the Golden Gate Bridge – as soon as you’re finished, you have to start all over again,” Kimmel quipped.
Trump waived his right to attend the arraignment in person. “I think it’s very disappointing. I was looking forward to more courtroom sketches of him sleep-farting for three months,” said Kimmel. “What a crazy time for Donald Trump. A year from now, he will either be president of the United States, or president of the Rikers Island putting-with-a-meatball team.”
