The Duchess of York has revealed the helpful etiquette rules she picked up as a member of the royal family.
Sarah Ferguson, 63, recently shared her clever tricks for exiting a conversation on the latest episode of her podcast, Tea Talks with the Duchess and Sarah. While chatting with co-host Sarah Thomson, the duchess – commonly known as Fergie – was asked how she politely excuses herself at a party.
“Well, it depends which country you’re in. There’s all different cultures which you must always be aware of, and I love that,” the royal began. “If you’re in British Downton Abbey, you get to a point when you say: ‘One second, could you hold that thought because I’ve just got to go and see Fred over there because I’ve got to give him a message.’
“And by the time that the person you’re talking to has gone onto the next subject, they’ve forgotten that you were coming back to tell something about Fred,” Ferguson said.
For her second etiquette trick, the author of A Most Intriguing Lady revealed how a party-goer can refrain from answering a question they’d rather not answer.
“If someone asks you a tricky question that you don’t want to answer, say: ‘Oh that’s so interesting, I’ll tell you what, I’m going to throw that question to Matilda. Matilda, what do you think about that question?’” she explained. “And you’ve thrown the ball again.”
Fergie went on to share her final etiquette tip, which she said she learned from an Italian friend, on how to handle three parties in one night - attending each party “very loudly” before making a quick exit.
“If you’re really busy and you have three parties a night and don’t know how you’re going to manage, you walk through the door very loudly and walk all the way around the room,” the royal said. “And you’re so loud, then you leave after five minutes so everyone will say: ‘Oh, I didn’t see Sarah tonight,’ and everyone in the room says: ‘Oh, we did!’”
“The guest thinks you’ve been there all night,” she added.
The Duchess of York, who was married to Prince Andrew from 1986 to 1996, later shared how being “polite” to others has become “entrenched” in both her and her two daughters: Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie.
“I always say to my girls, when you’re out on the public stage, smile. If you don’t want to be polite, don’t go out on the public stage - because no one wants to see a grumpy princess,” she told Thomson. “I think the most important thing is you’ve got to get your game on.”
Sarah Ferguson is very familiar with the royal family’s etiquette rules, having spent time with the royal family years after her divorce from Prince Andrew. She has even revealed that she has her own “rule book” for everyday life, which lists loyalty, kindness, and integrity as her core values.
“In my rule book, in my toolbox, it goes values like loyalty, kindness, integrity, goodness, courage, manners, and all these lovely things,” she said during the first episode of her podcast, which debuted on 31 May. “But also learning, and really the university of life.”
The British royal family is well known for its list of rules and protocols that senior members must follow. For those who marry into the royal family - like the Duchess of York or the Duchess of Sussex - they typically receive training on how to follow proper etiquette.
In fact, Sarah Ferguson once taught Meghan Markle how to curtsy before she met the late Queen Elizabeth II for the first time. In Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare, he recalled the moment his then-girlfriend met members of the royal family, including the British monarch, at the Royal Lodge in October 2016.
The duke wrote that the couple were on their way to the Royal Lodge - Prince Andrew’s official residence - to meet Fergie, Eugenie and Eugenie’s now-husband, Jack Brooksbank. However, they didn’t expect the Queen to make a surprise visit.
“We entered the large front sitting room and there she was. Granny. The monarch. Queen Elizabeth II. Standing in the middle of the room,” Harry wrote. “She turned slightly. Meg went straight to her and dropped a deep, flawless curtsy. ‘Your Majesty. Pleasure to meet you.’”
He continued: “Euge and Jack were near Granny and they almost seemed to pretend not to know Meg. They were very quiet, very proper. Each gave Meg a quick kiss on the cheek, but it was pure royal. Pure British.”
Harry revealed that the Duchess of York helped Meghan practice her curtsy outside the Royal Lodge, with Fergie demonstrating once as Meghan imitated her.
“As we walked towards the door Fergie and I both leaned into Meg, whispering quick reminders,” he added. “When you first meet the Queen it’s Your Majesty. Thereafter it’s just Ma’am. Rhymes with ham.”
