At some point during the pandemic, all of the Inside Time™ addled Brits’ brains so permanently and irreversibly that it made us think that adding a “y” and an “s” onto the end of two respective words was the funniest thing in the world.
Now, two years on from the end of the panny d, it is high time to end this scourge.
From cossie livs to Bucky P and beyond, we are better than this as a nation, we just are. Or maybe we aren’t, but we should be trying to be.
Moreover, our declining choice in slang has recently evolved to take on shades of Australian and American language, something that we should not abide.
I’m not even being all Britain first about it. We literally have a whole urban dictionaries (cockney, roadman, etc) full of amazing English slang to covet or use when appropriate. So when did we all get so basic?
Here, we list the abbreviations that need to be retired before 2025 in order for us to enter the year with honour, like how you cleanse yourself of sin before death.
If you’re upset with any of the entries, I’m afraid it’s too bad. This isn’t a democracy and there will be no genny leccy. It’s a dictatorship, and good luck abbreviating that.
Cost of living crisis = Cossie livs
It’s too serious now. The olive oil is in cages. The black mould is spreading. The mice are back. We can’t be lying to ourselves via the whimsy of cossie livs anymore. Life is bleak, the only way to get something done is say it with our chest.
Sandwiches = Sandos
A god awful Australian term that has spread across London like wildfire, bringing with it a fog of monstrously large sandwiches that you have to unhinge your jaw to eat. After you’ve taken a picture of its perfectly sliced cross section, obviously.
General election = Genny leccy
It was fun one time, it doesn’t need to come back for 2028, or any other ‘leccy’ that takes place between now and then. Please.
Picantes = Picants
This is in reference to the popular picante cocktail, beloved by a) ponces and b) people who choose to lie to themselves about liking spicy margs.
Just in case the posh Londoners hadn’t claimed them enough, they had to remove to only element of spice left in the name, that sexy unaccented-yet-accented e that made them so popular in the first place, and call them “picants”. Picants and bants at Soho House is it? I will be taking myself as far away as possible!
Hammersmith and City Line = Ham and cheese line
Mainly because: Who actually says this? You are absolutely only saying this so that people can go “What? I’ve never heard that before” which gives you the little internal thrill being the first person to have said that to them. There’s a reason that is the case. The only good Tube line shortening is Vicky Line, it’s why people actually use it.
Overground = OG
“Let’s jump on the OG”, “It’s one stop on the OG,”. Overground is literally one more syllable, is it really that much of a stretch? Oh, it is? Sure thing, white man trying to be road.
Buckingham Palace = Bucky P
Maybe we trivialise the royals in order to process our country having a ruling class amidst a cost of living crisis (say it in full! Don’t let them get away with it!) but something about the royal shortenings are particularly bad. Luckily the ephemeral nature of “platty jubes” meant that it was one and gone, but Bucky P still lingers like a bad smell. Let’s Oust that nonsense.
Cocktails = Cocky T’s
Get rid of this before a Shoreditch bar owner with too much money and not enough respect for neon lighting gets a hold of it.
Festival = festi
“What festis are you doing this year?”, “I’m off to a festi.” No! Very American sounding, no real case for the shortening of the word, sounds worse than the original. Ladies and gentlemen, it hits the trifecta.
