A star on his high school baseball team, Robert Cialdini hoped to blaze a path to the big leagues. But fate intervened.
In 1963, Cialdini met a Minor League scout for the Detroit Tigers in the parking lot after his final game as a senior at his Milwaukee high school. The scout presented Cialdini with a contract, placed it on the roof of a car and readied a pen.
But the pen didn't work. Cialdini accompanied the scout as they walked across the parking lot to get another pen. "You any good in school?" the scout asked. "Yeah," Cialdini replied. "You like school?" the scout asked. "I love it," Cialdini said. "You think you'd get into college?" he asked. "Yeah," Cialdini nodded. "You think you'd do well in college?" Cialdini responded again: "Yeah.
At that point, the scout took the contract away from Cialdini and said, "Kid, go to college."
"I am forever indebted to that scout for what he did," said Cialdini, a pioneering expert in persuasive communication. His seminal 1984 book, "Influence," has helped millions of people communicate more effectively.
Learn To Persuade Like Robert Cialdini
An emeritus professor of psychology and marketing at Arizona State University, Cialdini, 79, is a leader in the science of influence and how to apply it ethically in business. Had that scout not withdrawn his contract, Cialdini says he would've pursued a career in baseball to no avail.
Instead, he indulged his interest in human nature and fondness for rigorous research. After earning a Ph.D. in social psychology in 1970, he became a college professor.
But unlike many academics, he ventured outside the ivory tower to embed himself in the real world. He watched salespeople in action to study how they persuade.
For nearly three years, he conducted an unusual type of field research: He worked at used-car dealerships, fundraising organizations, advertising firms and other sales jobs. He underwent sales training and shadowed sales reps with the goal of identifying what practices enabled them to succeed.
Joining sales pros in the trenches helped him gain insights that he codified in "Influence."
Cialdini: Earn Others' Trust First
Reflecting on his years of undercover work, Cialdini highlights a key moment.
"I was infiltrating a company that sold fire alarms for the home," he said. "I rode along with the company's top salesman and noticed something."
Each time, the prospective buyer invited them to sit and give their pitch. Each time, the salesman would open his briefcase, prepare to begin and say, "Excuse me, I forgot my binder in the car. Would you mind if I go get it?"
Each time, the prospect said yes. So he'd run out to the car and return with his presentation binder. And each time, he wound up getting the sale.
"What are you doing?" Cialdini asked him on the drive back to the office. At first, the salesman was cagey. But Cialdini pressed him.
"OK, I'll tell you," he finally said. "Look, who do you freely allow in and out of your home? Somebody you trust. I wanted to be trusted before I tried to sell anything." Cialdini knew he hit pay dirt.
"He put people in a state of mind before they even heard his pitch," he said. "My jaw hit my chest. I thought, 'Why didn't I see that?'"
Know How To Win Over Others
Early in his career, Cialdini realized that it's easier to persuade someone who believes you care about them and their goals. If you fail to connect on a human level — even if you plead a strong case — they might resist.
When he and his team met with the chief executive of a Phoenix-area blood bank and proposed a partnership to gather data on blood donations, the CEO replied, "We'll get back to you." Weeks passed with no reply. Cialdini was growing concerned.
"Then a graduate assistant said, 'No one has given blood yet,'" he recalled. "That's when I realized the CEO wanted to know we valued what they did. I was so focused on methodology — with processes and procedures we'd use — that I hadn't thought about what he wanted in a partner: someone who was aligned with his mission."
So Cialdini told the CEO, "My whole team has decided to give blood." And the partnership soon followed.
Focus On The Positive
Cialdini's rules of persuasion involve how we relate to each other. Critics and complainers generally have a tougher time winning over others than genuinely positive people who see the good in those around them.
"If you want to be influential, start any interaction by making sure people like you," he said. "And the best way to get them to like you is to like them."
How? Monitor your inner feelings and judgments of the person. If positive thoughts come to mind, say so.
"I've learned to move my praiseworthy thoughts about them from my head to my tongue," he said. "Early on, I'd think, 'What that person just said is so smart.' But I'd say it to myself. I'd miss the benefit of speaking up. Authentic compliments increase them liking you."
In addition, heartfelt smiles work wonders. So does a dose of humility; acknowledging your drawbacks or limitations builds trust.
Dangle A Mystery To Get People To Pay Attention
Speech coaches often advise presenters to begin their talk with a riddle — and promise to solve it by the end. This grabs the audience's attention as they yearn to solve the puzzle.
Credit Cialdini with pinpointing the power of mystery to engage and influence people. In his books, he may start a chapter by dangling a conundrum and addressing it later. "People will want an answer to your mystery and resolve the puzzle you start out with," he said.
Furthermore, we tend to follow the cues of the directives we are given. Word choice is critical in these instructions. Cialdini has studied what factors turn honest people into cheaters. He's found that the way we state a rule matters.
In the Arizona forest, for example, visitors were stealing shards of petrified wood. So authorities put up a sign: So many people are taking wood that it harms the integrity of our forest.
"I was told about an honest person who saw that sign and said, 'I'd better get mine too,'" Cialdini said. "She figured a lot of people are doing it, so it must be a legit thing to do."
After Cialdini suggested replacing that sign with a different message — if even one person steals, it harms the forest — thefts were cut in half.
Given his expertise, it's no surprise that Cialdini is a master communicator. He can engage a wide range of personalities with his warmth and interest in others.
"Bob is a good listener," said Steven Neuberg, a psychology professor at Arizona State University. "When we collaborated on a social psychology textbook, he'd (let me ramble) and distill down to the essence what I said."
Robert Cialdini's Keys:
- Written seminal books on persuasion that have sold over five million copies, including the 1984 classic, "Influence."
- Overcame: Having to forgo his dream of becoming a professional baseball player.
- Lesson: "If you want to be influential, start any interaction by making sure people like you. And the best way to get them to like you is to like them."
